EXCITEMENT AAAAAAAAAAH!

wannadanta4sho: KALEB!
wannadanta4sho: HELLO!
wannadanta4sho: gdwyebfjcnudsifhnewiun IM SO EXCITED FOR TONIGHT
wannadanta4sho: WAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUH
wannadanta4sho: ive been cleaning all day
wannadanta4sho: let me tell you about it
wannadanta4sho: since youre not responding
wannadanta4sho: i will tell you anyway, no bother
wannadanta4sho: so i was supposed to clean my room today
wannadanta4sho: and low and behold, i end up cleaning, but i clean everything BUT my room
wannadanta4sho: i clean the den
wannadanta4sho: the kicthen
wannadanta4sho: the downstairs bathroom
wannadanta4sho: the upstaird bathroom
wannadanta4sho: the extra bedroom
wannadanta4sho: even my PARENTS bedroom
wannadanta4sho: i made their bed, folded their clothes, ORGANIZED THEIR SHOES
wannadanta4sho: did their laundry
wannadanta4sho: did MY laundry
wannadanta4sho: took a shower
wannadanta4sho: painted my nails
wannadanta4sho: and now im taking a break and
wannadanta4sho: then
wannadanta4sho: im gonna go eat dinner with my madre
wannadanta4sho: and then hannahs coming over at SEVEN
wannadanta4sho: and were gonna hang out until we go to jodys LATER
wannadanta4sho: where I will get to see YOU
wannadanta4sho: WHOOOOOOHOOOOOO
wannadanta4sho: I AM SO EXCITED
wannadanta4sho: I CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF
wannadanta4sho: KALEB THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!

I have far too much energy. Tonight is going to be soooo good!

xoxo DannDann

Eighty thousand is an understatement. There are too many thoughts streaming through my head, none of which I can grab a hold of. What is this? What is any of this? What does it mean? I don't know. I keep turning a corner to find a street full of potholes and cardboard boxes in my way. When I get to the end of the block and go inside for safety, it's a place I can't trust. "That's what life is - a series of rooms. And the people you get stuck in those rooms with makes up who you are." No one ever distinguished which rooms were safe, no one ever distinguished which rooms were comfortable or awkward or empty or quiet or not the rooms you wanted.

I find myself to be overwhelmed on a daily basis with all of the things I am concerned with. I try to put them aside and forget about it. I surround myself with others to get these things off of my mind, and in the end, those things are still there. I can't get away from them. Even when I deal with them, they're still there. I second guess everything and I hate that, absolutely hate that. I almost don't know what I want anymore. And it's not even about not knowing what I want, it's about not knowing if I can have the things I want. Sometimes I just want to give up. Sometimes I just want to run. Sometimes I just want to scream. Sometimes I just want the little things that used to make me happy to return. Sometimes I just want to know how I feel about people without questioning it. Sometimes I just want you to show me who you are.

xoxo DannDann

Revolution

I'm ready to make a difference. I want to show you something you will never forget. I want to be that memory that you will always have, that person you will always remember. I want to die knowing that something was different because I was involved. I want to change things and make them better. I want to paint the town red. I want to pretty the world. I don't know what my action will be, what my change will be, what effect I will have on people, how people will remember me - I don't know, but I know I want to have one. I want to be the reason something changes. I want to make people think. I want to make a statement. I want to lead a movement. I want to be in charge. I want to start a revolution.

Dream big, Dani.

And that's exactly what I plan to do.

xoxo DannDann

Mewwi Cweezmaaaz Beeches

Waaaalaalaalaalaaaaaaah! It's Christmas!

Waaaalaalaalaalaaaaaaah! I GOT A CAMERA!

:D

Tick tick tick

It goes on. It all goes on whether you're there or not. Seconds still fly. Money is still exchanged. People still have fun. It all goes on.

Everyone is just a second in a minute, a second in an hour, a second in a day, a second in a week, a second in a month, a second in year. Everyone is a second. No wonder fish feel so small...there are so many of them. How does each second know it's relevant? If that second weren't there, there's another one before it and another after it. Time keeps going with an endless amount of seconds. An endless amount of ticks.

Every question is not answered. There is another question before it, another after. Do they all matter? Do all the seconds matter? Who sits and watches the time go by, who notices the difference in each minute, who wishes time stood still, who lets it fly by? That second that just passed and that one and that one and that one, did you notice it, did you appreciate it?

Time is always there, always in front of you, but no one sits there and appreciates all that makes it up. Even the man who puts together a watch, after a while it's just putting wheels together and making sure the hands tick perfectly, but not the appreciation of the seconds individually. Not the seconds on the watch, not the seconds on the clock, not the seconds of that man's life - they all become insignificant. They all become time. And time always goes on.

He got that phone call.

I didn't.

xoxo DannDann

Clarity

Disappointment (n.) - The act of disappointing, or the state of being disappointed; defeat or failure of expectation or hope; miscarriage of design or plan; frustration.

Effort (n.) - earnest and conscientious activity intended to do or accomplish something; use of physical or mental energy; hard work; notable achievement; a series of actions advancing a principle or tending toward a particular end

"Effort is only effort when it begins to hurt." [Ortega y Gasset, 1949]

Fix (v.) - restore by replacing a part or putting together what is torn or broken; make fixed, stable or stationary; make ready or suitable or equip in advance for a particular purpose.

Problem (n.) - any question or matter involving doubt, uncertainty, or difficulty; a question to be considered, solved, or answered; a situation, matter, or person that presents perplexity or difficulty; a misgiving, objection, or complaint.

Responsible (adj.) - answerable or accountable, as for something within one's power, control, or management; involving accountability or responsibility; chargeable with being the author, cause, or occasion of something; having a capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable; capable of rational thought or action; reliable or dependable


Make an effort to take responsibility and fix the problem that dissapointed me.

xoxo DannDann

Buckle up

I'm ready for this break. It will determine a lot of things. It's a "make or break" for a lot of people, that's how I see it. Some things are already showing. Lots of things are being made and lots of things are being broken. And it's only begun.

I'm very eager to move on without the distractions of school for a little bit. I'm ready to find out what is important to me again. I had no idea that so many ridiculously big and important changes had happened in the past four months. Bottom line is that we all move on, whether or not it's with each other. Whether or not I have been there or you have been there or all of us have been there, we have all moved on. It's up to each and every one of us who stays close to who. We can control our relationships, we just have to make sure that we actually will control them since we can.

I have realized lately how often I make excuses. I have realized even more how much other people make excuses. I usually, for the most part, can justify my actions. I know that I cannot say the same for the majority of the people I am friends with. I hope people start taking responsibility and realize that they won't be the only people affected by their choices and actions.

So I don't know what this next month will mean for all of you, but I'm pretty sure it's going to mean something to a lot of people, whether or not that something is the same thing as mine or yours. These next few weeks will tell us a lot about each other. It's up to you as to what it tells us about you.

xoxo DannDann

Pool of Wine

Things aren't as bad as my last post makes them out to be. After I got off the phone with Cameron, I just started crying. Shocker, I know. He told me things I didn't want to hear, but things I needed to hear. He knows how to word things perfectly when he talks to me. He gets me. Three days till he comes home. Three days.

I took my History final this morning at 8. I went to sleep at 2 and woke up at 5 to study. I think I did fairly alright actually. All I have left to do is the book reviews. I need to do those. At least the second one. My grade sucks in that class. The three grades I have are 80, 70, and 56. I hope my final brings it up a little. Fuck. I have a D in that class. I really hope the final helps.

I only have two more exams left, which I'm glad about. Goddamn, last night was bad. I talked to Alex on the phone for like an hour and just vented to him. He owes me a massage. He owes me several. I can't wait. This girl sitting next to me is having major troubles printing all her five thousand documents she needs to print in the library and this lady is helping her and the lady's voice is very annoying. Ever hear someone talking right next to you and their voice just makes you want to punch them in the face? That's happening...RIGHT NOW.

Anyway...I feel better now that I've taken the exam. I'm very dramatic. Laugh. Go ahead. I'll join you, I assume. I read a comment on a picture this morning that made me smile for the first time in hours. Fuck, it made me laugh. Really loudly. In the library. Good job, Dani. I know. I'm trying to kill half an hour before I go to the cafeteria really fucking early for lunch. I didn't feel like going back to my dorm. So I will go eat and then go to my room and pass the fuck out. I know my posts lately have either been really boring or really depressing. They will be happier after exams are over, I assure you. Oh my. Trials and tribulations, Dani, trials and tribulations.

xoxo DannDann

6 Feet From the Edge

I need a break. A real break. Not a ten minute break from the 20 pages of reading I've done in the past hour and a half. Not a home for the weekend break. A real break. I want to just go home and shut myself out from everything. And if you know the least bit about me, you know that I thrive off of other people and I would certainly die if I closed myself off like that. But that's what I want to do. I want to go home and see people for the two days that I usually see them and then I just want to be by myself. I just want to think. I want to figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my life, with myself.

I'm sitting here and not reading or studying or writing a paper, like I should be, I'm just thinking about how I never want to see the outside of my dorm again. I just want to stare at the pictures on my wall and have a notebook to write in and have that suffice as normal living. I don't want to go home for Christmas break. I want to move around. I want to be in a place where no one knows my name and where I don't give a fuck about anything but the sights around me. I wish I could live in a little room on the levi. I could go outside and see the water whenever I wanted and if someone needed me, they would know exactly where to find me. I want my world. I don't want the world, I want my world. I know I complain endlessly about people living in their own world and not the real world, but I wonder what it would be like. If I stopped calling, if I stopped caring, if I stopped thinking about anything but my happiness, or lack there of.

I want to stay in a place that I can call my own and not anyone else's. I don't want to study. I don't want to read about Caesar. I don't want to call. I don't want to worry. Period. I'm ready to give up. On pretty much everything.

Please come love
I think I'm falling
Holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I've found the road to no where
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say...

Hold me now
I'm 6 feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down

I'm lookin down
Now that its over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out
Heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
Let me say..

Hold me now
I'm 6 feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down
I'm so far down

Sad eyes follow me
Well I still believe there's something there for me
So please come stay with me
Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me...
You and me...you and me

Hold me now
I'm 6 feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Hold me now
I'm 6 feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin
Maybe 6 feet ain't so far down...

Please come now
I think I'm falling
Holding on to all I think is safe...

xoxo DannDann

Real

Here I am, sitting at my desk only wearing a pair of pants, and I can't stop thinking. Do I mean as much to you as you mean to me? Doubtful. Do you mean all of what you say to me? No. Do you do it because you know you shouldn't? Completely. I have so many unanswered questions. I'm tired of questioning everything. I wish I could be as ridiculously honest as I feel. You are one of the most selfish people I have ever met in my life. And you have no idea. You always talk about yourself and you always act accordingly. You can't stop. You have no idea how glad I am that things are the way they are. I can't stand to be around you, even though I act like I can. I don't want to be your friend. I want to ignore your calls over half of the time. You always have something better to do. We don't talk anymore and I blame you one hundred percent. You suck at listening... suck at it. You are never there. I worry that you don't love me. You judge me... constantly. I hate it. You are such a hypocrite. I can't take you anymore. I give too much to you. I love where we are because I don't care as much as I used to. I'm insecure. I smoke too much. I'm unhappy. I can't find a cure. I miss you and I can't stand that I can't have you back. I love that you reacted the way you did. I'm not okay with about forty five percent of who I am. I hate having to try so much to get so little. I'm real. I could be realer, but most of you would not be able to handle it. I'm tired... all the time. I hate that I procrastinate. I hate that I don't do anything about it. I say I'm an open book...

What I don't say is that for me to be completely and totally real... I don't include the crowbar to pry open my pages.

xoxo DannDann

Do it for the now

Casi Landix. What a nut. Your blog made me think a bajillion things. It's true though. I'm always worried about change and I'm always worried that I will lose the good things I have surrounded myself with. But honestly, so the fuck what? What if I lose them? Then I either find a way to get them back or I move on. That's what I was afraid of when I left for college. I was afraid that everything was going to change. That the "good" that I had come to know and love for so long was going to be different. And it was. It all changed. And I find myself here, again, worried that it won't last this time either.

But when I think about that, when I think about how I don't want it to happen again... I think about where I am now. How afraid I was about all of this change, how I hated it when it hit me, how bad it hurt when I lost the people I loved, and most importantly, how I overcame it all. Yeah things changed, and yeah I like how they are now, but the point is that they changed and that I moved on and that I'm back in an even better state now. We know each other, more than ever, and we've all been through our fair share of drama and fights and bullshit. What it comes down to is that we still have each other. No matter what changes happened, and no matter how different we are, we are still "us". Granted, it is a different "us" than it was before, but it will always be. Things will always be different the next day, the next week, the next month, the next something. Things won't stay the same. And that's okay.

Whether we want to accept that or not, it's really honestly what it is. You can either hold on to all of the hurt that you aquired or all of the "what was" or you can focus on how good things are or how good they can be. I have been thinking about the "what was" lately and I have been so extremely happy that things have all worked out for the best, but I have undoubtedly been thinking about how bad they were and how I don't want them to be there. But why should I keep thinking about it when I can just be in the now and make sure that it's not going to end up like that? Why spend your life worrying when you can spend it looking forward to the next minutes that you don't want to miss? Why worry when it already happened? You can't change it. Sure, you got hurt and you don't want to get hurt again, but try. Just try to move on. Surround yourself with the people that make you happy (regardless of the past that comes along with them).

Granted, you have to watch yourself to make sure you don't get hurt, but don't let it consume you. I've let it consume me these past three months. I'm just ready to be "us" again. And we are "us" again and I love that. This weekend, if anything, proved to me that we are "us" again. I liked where we began, I hated where we went, and I love where we are. So why waste my time thinking about like and hate, when I know that what I got right now is love? Just fuck the rest and do it for the now. Do it for yourself. Do it because, honestly...it's the only thing you can control.

xoxo DannDann

We Are Fucking Good

These past three days have given me so many things to think about. I'm supposed to want to spend time with my family, I'm supposed to want to sit down to dinner with them, I'm supposed to ignore my phone when I'm with my relatives. I'm supposed to do a lot of things that I don't do.

All I've wanted to do the past three days is be with my friends...which I did. And there's no way in the entire world that I could've been happier with it...right? I'm scared to talk about the past. It makes me nervous. I don't know if bringing up the old good times is too much and I don't know if bringing up the bad times is allowed. I want to tell people how I'm still really worried that it will all happen again, but I also want to tell people how happy I am that it has come out to be what it is right now.

I am astonished as to how things have changed in the past three months. Going from excellent to horrible to perfect. To perfect, right? I don't understand how my brain can think about so many things at one time, how it can always be overflowing with thoughts and finds a way to still fit more, how it can get so frustrated, how it can keep itself contained. I want to live in the moment, but I can't help but to wonder what happens now, or over break, or in 3 months, or over the summer, or next year, or the year after that... I can't help but wonder how things will change, how people will change, or maybe how people will not change.

As much as a lot of us have changed, a couple of us haven't changed at all, even if I thought they had. I don't know if I should just stop trying completely to figure out a couple of people. I want reassurance, really. Honestly, that's what I want - reassurance and stability. And happiness. I think the first two are the only ones that I can be helped with. The happiness thing is all me. It hasn't been working lately. I haven't been happy. Granted, I have been extremely happy with the way relationships have mended themselves (especially as of last night with two people), but I'm just not happy as a person. It's been like this for a while.

Can I be real honest for a second? I'm that person who forgives, but doesn't forget. I will never forget that you said that. You don't even know that I know that you said it. I forgive you now, and I know it's different now, and I know we're good now, and I know you love me. But I know you said it. I never knew it was that bad. I never knew it was bad until it was that bad. I miss you. So much. I love you. I know we;re a lot better and I know you love me because you show it now and you tell me, but I just can't for the life of me understand what I did. I don't know how you could have honestly felt that way about me when we were so inseperably close. I don't know when it started. I don't know how it started. I know where we are and I know that's what matters, but I still think about what you said every day of my life.

However, as unhappy as I may be within myself (having very little to do with anyone else), you all have made me so happy. Please just know that. The fact that you all want to see me more than you did right after I left for school, I think it's funny, and I love it. I love that you all want to see me. And I love that I can turn down my Hammond friends because I have plans with y'all every night I'm here. It's good to know that everything worked out, that I'm worth it for you all. After everything happened, I didn't know who I would be okay with. I was so scared that I would lose all of you and that was not something I wanted at all. I'm so glad that we worked through all of the bullshit, whatever the reasons were. I know it's behind us and I'm so glad that we have all realized how happy we are with each other. At least, that's what I think happened. Haha. I wouldn't rather call anyone else my friends. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love you all.

Me - If I say "don't" do you know what I'm referring to?
Kaleb - Yes.
Me - Okay.
Kaleb - Why?
Me - Really?
Kaleb - Seriously, why?
Me - Nevermind, it's whatever.
Kaleb - Because if I said yes, would it make me from the same womb?
Me - Yes...We are fucking good.

xoxo DannDann

HAPPY Thanksgiving, right?

Thanksgiving - a day that is customarily spent with family where everyone is thankful for each other, good health, a happy home, and blah blah blah.

Well at least that's what normal people do. I'm not normal. My family is not normal. How can I be thankful for a sibling who I can't stand to be around for more than 20 minutes? I really wish she hadn't come in town for the holidays. She's supposed to be staying in Mississippi for Christmas break. I really hope she does. Last night, she drove me fucking insane. I really am done with trying to be nice to her and trying to let her in my life. Just because you're my sister - it doesn't mean that I have to like you, care about you, or give a fuck about anything you do.

Whatever. I just want to be with the rest of my family and my friends. Other than that, I kind of want to be back in Hammond. Is that horrible of me? I want to go back to Hammond and sit in Dana's big pink chair and laugh at her and Jen. I don't want to study or anything, I just want to be back there. Granted, I want to be with people here, but I'm coming back in two weeks for a whole month. And I'm coming back next weekend, too. There will be plenty enough of me for a while.

I just hate being in my house, having my sister here, and having my mother make me do everything because she doesn't know how to deal with my sister. I really hope the movies works out tonight. I need my people. I need my sanity. I need to get away from these fucking people.

xoxo DannDann

I wish you hadn't come into my life. I wish I had never met you. The things you make me think drive me crazy. You drive me absolutely crazy. I can't have you. I can't be around you. It's impossible. You're impossible. I'm impossible. No one has ever made me wish I were so different. No one has ever made me so frustrated. No one has ever made me so jealous. No one has ever made me so absolutely insane. I can't deal with you and all that you make me think. I can't be honest with you, but I don't know how to lie to you. I never asked for someone like this. I never asked for the most impossible emotions. I didn't want this. I didn't want you. I hate that you make me question everything I've ever known. I hate that I know you. I hate that I can't get it the way I want. I hate that I can't change either of us. I hate that you do this to me. I hate that you don't know. I hate that I can't win. I hate that I want you. I hate that I need you. I hate that I absolutely completely undeniably love you.

"Cancer and alcoholism...it's a way of life"

My head hurts really bad right now. I'm not hungover anymore. I wasn't that hungover to begin with. Last night was the fourth time in 5 days that I've been drunk. It's unhealthy. It's silly. I kind of like it. It makes me laugh. I should take it more seriously, but I do not, not indeed. No, no, Rene.

I like having serious conversations when I'm drunk. Thursday it was with Jen and Dana and last night it was with Jody. I think I'm good with everyone right now. I really like that. I was stressing out a lot yesterday when I was at dinner. Secret: I really know what's wrong. Too many things are wrong. None of them are really major, but they are just kind of concerns that I have I guess. I kept saying that I didn't know and, really, I was just kind of confused as to why I was so upset about so many little things, but I knew all along what they are. I didn't even tell Cameron what they were when I was on the phone with him. I miss him so much. Three weeks and I will undoubtedly cry when I see him. You don't even know. At all.

My stomach hurts. I don't know if it's because I'm still full or if I'm hungry. We are going to see the NOCCA show tonight. I'm so excited. I really like what I'm wearing. It's cute. It's a blue sweater and a dark gray skirt. It's very cute. Oh my God I haven't heard this song in a long time. Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice. Listen to it. It's beautiful. Last night was fun. I'm glad I got drunk with Katie (and Jody and Casi as well). Casi kept crying. We peed on some person's house. Jody gave her a hat that he found on the ground. Katie got picked up on by a 22-year-old black guy. It was an interesting night. How silly. I had a lot of fun.

*insert the title of this post*

xoxo DannDann

I just looked at all of the pictures in the scrollboxes on my Myspace. Oh the memories. It's funny. As much as I loved how good things were and as much as I miss it all, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I would much rather be here, in the heart of my relationships, having been up and down, in and out, and all over the place. I would much rather know everyone the way I know them now, good and bad. Granted, I want to be happy, and I was happy then, but I'm happy now (even though it may be a different kind of happy). I love that I am here and not where I was. I miss it, though. I really do.

But I love knowing what and who I know. I would rather be here after a million fights with you and a million tears and a million laughs and still be here and strong and knowing that we made it. I would much rather be here. Those times were good and I loved them, I still do. But putting those pictures up on my wall last night made me realize how far everything went and how far it has come back to where we are now and I wouldn't have it any other way. No matter how long it takes, things will be resolved, everything will end up being better.

I can't live without you people...even when I want to live without you...I can't.

And I love that.

xoxo DannDann

Make The Effort

I want to write but I'm not sure about what. I'm about to help Dana with her paper so I figure I might as well start typing now and get the words to start coming to my brain. Hmmm. You know what I love? My friends here, they call me an Encyclopedia. I am. I always know everything about everyone and every situation and any known question. I love that. I love being asked things and being able to answer them whether it be how many days are in a month or even what a hotdog is made of. I love using words that aren't common. I wrote about this breifly before when I talked about how I like to use adjectives other than "good." I really do enjoy being that person though.

I have a feeling that a couple of people are mad at me and I'm not quite sure why. Lie. I know why one of them would be mad at me. I have no idea why one of them would be mad at me. And I don't give a fuck if the third person is mad at me. It just confuses me. I hate being on bad terms with people, especially when I try to make things better. Last night was fun. We played daquiri pong. We lost. It was fun. Kaylen was "drunk." I don't know how. She didn't even have that much. I drove her car to Taco Bell. Hahaha. THAT was an adventure. Then I got back to my dorm and just got really upset. I was thinking about how [I think] some people are mad at me. I just really don't feel like dealing with this nonsense anymore, to tell you the truth. I will fight with people till the day I die, but I always make sure to make an effort to resolve things (even when I shouldn't be the person taking the first step). I hate when I go to make the effort and the other person doesn't even try to talk to me about it. What good is running away?

Dana's writing notes on the short story she's reading and she wrote "gpaw bert." Me and Jen got a good laugh out of that. I really love that I've been hanging out with them a lot. I always feel like they want me there. I know this sounds really fucking stupid, but I always feel like I have to invite myself places and I always have to make the effort. It's extremely reassuring to know that I don't have to make the effort for them. I wish more people were like that. I know three people who are like that other than Dana and Jen. No, but really, I wish you all knew them. They're great. They make me so happy.

I don't know what the fuck is going on with Darra lately. I like that I write about people that nobody [who reads this] knows. I like having a part of the world to myself. I love having them know a different side of me...not in a bipolar way. Wow. That was silly! I really do love being in Hammond. I wouldn't come home as much as I do if I didn't have obligations. There's always a show or a plan or something. I don't know, maybe I'm just making excuses for myself. It's completely...ridiculous. I like it. I've discovered a lot about myself since I've been here. Not only about myself, but also about how I feel about everyone back home. My time here really has put everything into perspective. I like it. I don't necessarily like the thoughts that I have, but I like that I can think about things and not be surrounded by them while I'm thinking about them.

Fuck, I'm tired. And I still have to write Dana's paper (which will be easy, so I don't know what I have such a negative connotation with that), and I have to finish I project (which will take me ten minutes), and then we are going to watch Dark Knight (HOPEFULLY) outside tonight on the big screen. I hope tonight will be grand. I hope, I hope, I hope.

Make the effort.

xoxo DannDann

Those Who Don't Try Never Look Foolish

I love being an idiot. No sarcasm. Well, not an idiot as in not knowing how to spell schedule, but an idiot as an running down the halls, screaming, arms flailing around in the air, because your friends just scared the shit out of you. I love being that kind of an idiot. It's okay to look stupid. I hate when people don't speak or act the way they want to because they don't want to look stupid. So the fuck what? Who cares if you looks stupid? If you fall - you look stupid. Laugh at yourself.

I love when people can laugh at themselves. That's one of the main rules of being friends with me. Be able to laugh at yourself. I will make fun of you. You will make fun of me. We will laugh about it. I know that I'm an idiot when I'm screaming about the goddamn roach in my room, but I'm laughing at myself no matter how aggravated I am. I wish more people would do that. I wish you all knew Dana and Jen. I think they are becoming my best friends here. They are so much fucking fun. That's one of the biggest things that you have to be able to do when you become friends with them. We make fun of each other constantly and I wouldn't have it any other way. We can be stupid and silly and idiotic and loud and dumb and sarcastic and mean and laughing and perfect. I love having friends who laugh all the time and who make me laugh all the time as well.

Relation to the title: Don't be afraid to look stupid. You will either look stupid for trying and failing or you will look stupid for not trying because you were afraid to fail. Try new things. Take chances. Say what you feel. Forgive someone. Get your point across. Skip class. Don't regret what you do. Think before you talk. Love till it hurts. Cry till it feels better. Try. Try whatever you want to try whether it's something as simple as sewing or something as big as college. Just try. You will inevitably end up looking foolish when you make a mistake, but at least you would have done something you wanted to do. It's okay to be stupid. It's okay to be an idiot. It's okay to be foolish. It's okay.

Try something new.

xoxo DannDann

Vessels

It really amazes me how quickly one little thing can change how I'm feeling.

There are always a series of emotions that I contain within myself. There is always a lot of sadness, a lot of happiness, a lot of anger, and a lot of excitement. Usually, all it takes is one minor incident to decide which emotion I tap in to. Say I were to tap into sadness, that doesn't mean that all of my other emotions are gone, it just means that they are not up at bat.

I get very frustrated with people very quickly and I usually just try to brush it off depending on the importance of the situation. If I am approached with something I do not want to talk about, I usually try to keep conversation at a minimum and continue to avoid all possible topics relating to such a conversation. Say someone says something to me that I feel is completely unneccesary, and I get upset. Then I would tap into sadness and anger (or whatever emotions come with what was said) and I kind of explode. And it's not even that I'm extremely mad about what I'm saying that I'm mad about, it's just that the one thing that makes me upset and angry, leads me to use all of the emotion I have (whatever it may be about), and sometimes it is used incorrectly. It makes sense to me.

Then when an event, similar in size, but different in emotion happens, it puts me back in check. It lets me close the vessels of negative emotion and open the positive emotions. Therefore, I realize that what had been bothering was not bothering me as much as I conveyed that it was. I do get frustrated, and most of the time, I do have the right to be. However, I often overuse emotion (no matter how justified the emotion may be) and then I become frustrated and I just make it more difficult to clearly convey what I am thinking and feeling. I realize that this is a problem. I realize that I need to work on it, but for now, it is what it is.

I don't want anyone to change themselves, and if I did, I just would stop being friends with them. I love my friends. I love them because they are the way they are. But love is not perfection, nor do I expect it to be. I do not expect my friends to be perfect and I do not expect my friends to not become frustrated with me, just as I become frustrated with them. Frustration and anger and sadness are all a part of life, as is happiness. I do tend to let the scale weigh heavier on the negative emotions that I feel instead of the happy ones. I will try to even it out. But just know that I love you all as you are. And know that I am sorry for incorrectly conveying my emotions and letting frustration get the best of me. That is all for now.

xoxo DannDann

November

First off...why has everyone in the blogging community virtually died? Where the fuck have you people gone off to? I haven't read anything in a while. Just saying...

The shift button on this computer is immensely annoying. You have to press it really hard whenever you want to capitalize a letter and, half of the time, it doesn't work ANY of the four times that you try it. Oh well. It will suffice.

Last night was silly. Before I go into that, I will tell you how much I hate November. I really hate November. I hate Novemeber because you're finally settled in, you know that you like everything you have discovered, and then you start to realize the problems. You realize that certain people don't really necessarily give a fuck about you like you thought they did. You realize that certain people act like they are still in high school. You realize that certain people only care about themselves. And most of all you realize that you miss certain people more than you ever thought you would. I hate November.

Last night was the embodiment (spelling?) of the previous paragraph. I cleaned for five and a half hours yesterday. The entire fucking dorm, except Kaylen's room. But all of the mess (other than in my room) was all due to her. I don't use dishes. I take out my trash. I pick up after myself. Homegirl, on the other hand, not so much. But I cleaned everything. I felt much better afterwards. I also felt exhausted. I waited for Darra and Krystal to get back so that we could go to Taco Bell. We were in the car for 35 minutes and they talked the entire time...to each other. It's like I wasn't even there. I went upstairs when we got back and ate my food. Then Dana called me to come hang outside (in the fucking freezing cold). Then we went and hung out with Jen. That was fun. I forgot how fucking funny Jen Kuzma is. Loveit. Then I went back to my dorm and laid down in my bed and I just started crying. I was not okay. Not at all. I hadn't cried about my grandma's death since the funeral a week ago. That was part of why I cried. The other parts are so complex and I don't feel like attempting to explain them. I just wanted to talk to someone, anyone. Everyone was asleep. Ha. I'm not blaming anyone though. People need sleep. I need sleep.

Last night was just bad. It bothers me a little bit that I have started this paragraph and the two before it with "last night". I wonder if you noticed. Well, you did now. Oh, and I would like to add that I love being right. All the time. I really am. For those of you who still don't believe me when I say that, that is fine. I have all the time in the world. I don't know how I do it, I really don't. "What can I say, I'm pretty immaculate."

xoxo DannDann

I present to you a series of emotions. Each "post" is about multiple people, not just one person. I don't say where I switch from person to person. It doesn't really matter. This is more for me than for you all. Ha.

Angry post:

Let me vent for 2.5 seconds. I really am fucking tired of all your bullshit. I'm done. I'm always fucking here for you and you are never there. Get your fucking priorities straight. You can't bitch bitch bitch about them and say how much you miss them. It doesn't fucking work like that. Care about something and stick to it. Figure out who you are and stop lying to everyone about fucking everything you do. It is NOT OKAY. Oh, and don't fucking judge me because I went out with them one night. Now you completely stop talking to me? Shut the fuck up. You've done sooo much worse than I have and I don't care, so why the fuck should you be mad at me for hanging out with people I like? Get over yourself.

Happy post:

Simple joys. I love how close I am to you. You make me so happy. For a while I never thought anyone would ever be able to get to me anymore. That was fucking rough. But I love that I have found you and that you are honestly one of my favorite people in the whole fucking world. I hope this is long term. I like that I had that phone call. Just when I doubt you, you prove me wrong. If I think we're not okay, you find some way to unknowingly reassure me that all is well. Even though things aren't how they used to be, it's better than nothing. I like it. I love that I can talk to you. You're pretty much the only one I have here who knows about my life, who gets me. I love our conversations outside at fucking 2 in the morning. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Sad post:

I want you to be okay. I wish for two things at 11:11. One of them is about you. I realized the other day that you being happy is one of the things that will make me the most happy. I hate that I don't get to see you that much, especially since we are so close. I feel like I always bitch to you and I wish I could be a better friend to you. I never know if you're real or not, both of you. It upsets me because I want to trust you but I wish that you wouldn't be so defensive and I wish that you wouldn't be so general. I want to figure you out and it's just very frustrating to hear you say you trust me, yet you don't show it. I want to believe you but a lot of the times I don't.

My post:

I don't know what is going on with myself. I know what's going on with everyone else though. I've been thinking a lot these past three weeks about how much I do not want to do school right now. I want to do college, but I don't want to do school. I really wish that class was just learning and discussing. No papers. No exams. No homework. I realize that this is completely unrealistic, but I would just enjoy it so much more. I've never really not liked school. I know it sounds stupid, but I've always loved school and just hated the work. But, now, I don't like school. I don't know if college is for me and it really surprises me that I think that. Like, I know I need to go to college, but I just fear that it won't help me. I could do sooo many things with my life. I'm smart and I'm really good with people. I wonder if I'm picking the right thing. I know I have awesome potential to be super successful, but I'm just afraid that I won't live up to my potential. I'm worried that I will fail. I'm worried that I spend too much time worrying about stupid things and just too much time worrying in general.

I just want to be at that point right now, the point I expect myself to be at in ten years. And I know I have to work up to that point, I have to start small so I can end up big. I just don't want to wait. I know I will have to wait, like everyone else. But I just don't know what to think. I really like being here and being on my own. And I'm not just talking about going out and partying and blah blah blah. I really like having my own little place and having new friends and having a different start with them. I like that I barely have any drama with the people here and the drama that I do have here doesn't coincide with the other friendships I have here.

I want to let go. I want to not worry. I want to drop all the drama. I want to sing. I want to just sit here and have not a care in the world. I want something better and I know I will get it, I'm just tired of waiting. I've been waiting all my life for something better. Better education, better opportunities, better jobs, better people, better me, better everything. I'm not saying that these things aren't good right now, but I just want something different. Something new. Something that I love, that I can be passionate about, that I want to do. I want to breathe. I want to spread my wings. I want to fly.

xoxo DannDann

Cheers to the A word.

So before I tell you about my night, I am going to decipher all of the drunk texts that I wrote.

- "Mmmm hamdp granads" was Mmmm hand granades
- "H thgpnk we jurt fuckhn brokd hntn carolhnes hotre" was I think we just fucking broke into Caroline's house
- "We are nt evem bak tn hamm6nd! We re fucke!" was We aren't even back to Hammond! We are fucked!
- "Tyker bvrryyy!" was Tyler Curryyy!
- "Adam h i ss u ro much!" was Adam I miss you so much!
- "H ftckhng lnue u and hm so gkad we aqe bertfrhends! I gss u alreay!" was I fucking love you and I'm so glad we are best friends. I miss you already!
- "Darqd! I mi7r u!" was Darra! I miss you!
- "I meeep to stnp roking. Dana ir sonnooo gay." was I need to stop smoking. Dana is soooo gay.
- "Wheqe aqe ynuuvuuu?" was Where are youuuuu?
- "Rooom mucgh fog!" was Sooo much fog!
- "Met aloote peopje. Fubk a lotta hoer." was Met a lot of people, fucked a lot of hoes.
- "We comin bcbk in lhk 2.5" was We're coming back in like 2.5

Oh my Lawd. 11:11 MAKE A WISH! Well not you, just me! Okay. 11:12. Enough of that nonsense. This post was going to be deep. I actually have shit to talk about, but after my text clarification, I figured I would just save the big post for later. My head hurts so fucking bad I'm about to pass the fuck. Ummm well let's see. Yesterday...here's what happened (Monk reference, anyone?)...

I came back yesterday around 12:30. I saw the Ashley's and Corey first. Then I saw Ashley C. and Darra. Then I saw Parker. Then I saw Dana and Jen. Then I saw Kerra and Nicole. Then I saw Kaylen. Then I saw Krystal. Then I saw Jacquelyn and Tim. That was all throughout the rest of the day. I didn't expect people to be surprised to see me. I just didn't think that they would miss me. I'm not used to being that big of a deal to my Hammond people. I thought I would get a cute, "Oh, heyyyyy. You're backkkk. We missed youuuu." (All held out at the end of each sentence but with a very slight smile when said) Just something simple...no...I'm pretty sure the entire goddamn campus heard them scream. Hahaha. I love them. I miss them so much. Ashley C. fucking jumped on me. So did Dana. Haha. Loveit.

Anyway, so then we decided that we were gonna go meet up with Caroline at The Pub. We = me, Parker, Dana, Jen, Kaylen. So we ended up leaving at fucking 11. We were already buzzed since we took shots before we left. Mmmmyummy. Anyway...so we get to The Pub at like midnight and meet up with Caroline who was already really fucking wasted. So we buy frozen hand granades, and I finished mine first (Surprise.) and then we were all wasted except Jen since she drove. Well there were a lot of dykes. A whole fucking lot of them. I texted lots of things (as you read above) and I think I made a couple of phone calls too. Anyway. So Caroline started puking, so she got in a car with her friend and her friend drove her home. We went to meet her at her house to make sure she was okay. We got there before her. Jen (SKETCHBALL) knew when the SPARE KEY was. Yeah. So we pretty much enter Caroline's house...WITHOUT CAROLINE. Then Caroline finally gets there. We all give her kisses and we leave...it is now 3:15 in the FUCKING morning and we were STILL IN NEW ORLEANS. We get back a little after 4.

Me and Kaylen came upstairs, ate pizza, and PASSED THE FUCK OUT. I slept really really well... until my alarm woke me up for my NINE O'CLOCK CLASS (I really am screaming everything I write in caps, you should too! *thumbs up*). That was fucking brutal. I looked like a "morning after" person. I looked fucking rough. Still do. Oh well. No matter. I'm about to go right the fuck back to sleep. Last night was so much fun. P the Fuck - leave it up to me to go back to NOLA twelve hours after I left for Hammond. Wow. I fucking know.

Kaylen - "Oh, I knew it. WHAT THE FUCK?"

I missed this.

xoxo DannDann

He can't replace you, he's not gay enough.

No one has really written in a while. First post of November! Woot woot! I'm waiting for the clock to hit 8 so I can rinse out my hair dye. Today will undoubtedly be one for the books. I have a funeral to attend, then back to my house with relatives, then a job interview (I know, right?), then hopefully seeing a couple of people before I leave. Then I have to clean again when I get home. It's silly. So much to do. Such different things. Oh well. It's my life. I'm used to it.

I don't know how to not have a lot on my mind. I discovered this last night. I don't know how to not worry. I heard a part of a song last night and the only part I heard was "Enjoy it while you can." I don't like worrying. I'm not saying I'm going to completely stop worrying, but I'm going to try to worry less. If I spend too much time worrying, I can't enjoy it. Let whatever happen. Whatever is going to happen. I just need to be worried when it does happen, well I can be worried before, but I don't like being super worried like I always am. Make sense? Am I rambling? Kcool.

Anyway. I talked to Olivia last night. I miss her. Super duper much. Yeah, I'm that gay. Hahaha. That made me think of the funniest thing ever. "He can't replace you, he's not gay enough."

AND THAT IS THE PERIOD.

xoxo DannDann

Simple things

These past few days have been brutal. I'm more of a wreck than I let people see. I like being around people because I hate crying around people, therefore, when I am with people I try my hardest not to cry. It has definitely been working so far. My head has been hurting so much, it's ridiculous. I haven't talked to Cameron in about a week. I don't like that.

I've realized how much I love simple things that people do. It's just little things that make me happy right now. They can make or break my day. Don't get me wrong, the most important thing to me is that I know that I can cry to you, that you will listen to me, and that you will ultimately be there for me in the end. But at the same time, I love that people do little things that just make me feel so content. A look, a smile, a name. It just really brightens my day.

My head still hurts. I don't think I'm doing anything tonight. I guess I will just take the night off. Michelle is coming home in about 2 hours. And my aunt and uncle are coming in town tonight. They're staying here. I'm sure it will be a big cryfest when we all see each other. I don't like crying. But I guess I will just stay home and sleep and clean the rest of the day. That is most likely what will happen. I think I might go somewhere and apply for a job today, actually. I need money. Christmas break is in like a month. Good.

I think tomorrow will be fun. I'm not dressing up as something or someone, but I'm just dressing up real hott. Lashes, fishnets maybe...I like it. I hope it looks real good. I guess I will plan it today. My cat is falling asleep in my lap right now and her tail keeps twitching. It made me smile. However, I did not laugh because then she would wake up and be frazzled. No no no, none of that. Well, all for now. This was a weird post. Oh well.

xoxo DannDann

RIP

And everything changes...

It's been a while.

I don't know what to think about my life anymore. There's a big part of me that is just so incredibly angry with so many ridiculous things. And then one thing happens and it makes everything else so insignificant. Everything that I have been worried about for the past two months is so completely irrelevant now. I spent those two months freaking out about getting people back or keeping people away, trying to read into dreams, trying to stop my tears, and just moving on inevitably. And now...now it's all insignificant.

I'm so frustrated and exhausted of seeing the people I love get hurt. I feel like I'm trapped inside a big box of constant confusion and drama. There's always something going on. For once, I just wish nothing was happening. I wish there was no drama to talk about. I wish people didn't hate each other. I wish we didn't have stories. I wish we didn't have complicated relationships. I wish that there were no confusion and stress. I wish that I didn't have a reason to be frustrated. I almost wonder what would happen if it just stopped, if it all stopped, if we were all different.

How would things be if I were quiet and conservative. If I didn't give my opinion, if I didn't talk to everyone. Would we be friends? Would you love me? Would you not love me? What if we didn't hang out, get drunk, or hook up? If we weren't in theatre, we would be different. If we weren't each others friends, we would be different. It's not that we would have less shit to deal with, I'm sure there will be shit with any other friends we have, but it would just be different shit. I hate questioning people's motives, I hate seeing you get hurt over and over, I hate that you don't give a fuck about anyone but yourself, I hate that you think that it happened, I hate that I didn't know, I hate that I honestly don't know if you're real, I hate that we don't talk anymore, I hate that you don't act the way you want me to act, I hate that you don't care, I hate that you couldn't have a voice of reason without me there, I hate that you don't stop, I hate that I can't read you, I hate that you want me to be different and I would still give anything for you, I hate that time is running out. I hate that everything that I hate doesn't matter now. It probably never did. What if it was different? What if you were different? What if I was different?

When did it stop mattering to me? And it all happens so fast. In the blink of an eye, I lost all my friends and regained most of them. In the blink of an eye, she won't be here. In the blink of an eye, my tears will hit the keys. In the blink of an eye, this song will end. In the blink of an eye, I will still be thinking about it. In the blink of an eye, I will have you back. In the blink of an eye, I will lose you forever. In the blink of an eye, I won't know what to do with myself. In the blink of an eye, I won't know how to live without you anymore. In the blink of an eye, everything will change.

Everything will change.

I could tell you I haven't written a blog in a while, but I would be lying. I've actually written twice this week, read what I wrote, then deleted it. They were not pleasant at all. Granted, they didn't have to be because this is about whatever I want it to be about, but nonetheless, I think I just need to write things out or say them out loud for them to make sense. As a change of pace, I will keep this one short and sweet...

I finally turned in my later paper as part of my history exam and I made a C on it. I liked the outcome :]] I am not a complete failure. I will clean a lot this weekend. I will not talk to my roommate all day, just as I did not yesterday. I will sleep when I get back to my dorm. This is not how I usually write. I kind of like it. I think I flashed Sir Nicholas last night. Ha.

Text message:
Me - You know that history paper I turned in late? Combined with the test, I got a C! Ha!
Olivia - Fuck you...
Me - I'm glad we're best friends.
Olivia - Me too.

xoxo DannDann

Those people

So I really should be writing my paper, but I feel like writing this instead. I have to write that paper for sure today. I was supposed to have written this paper LAST Sunday, seeing as how it was due LAST Monday. That's my main worry in life right now - school. I dropped English, there was no way I could have passed that class. I'm not worried about any of my Comm classes. I'm a little worried about History though. It's alright. It will be fine. I suppose so. I took the exam this morning and I think I did well so the only thing that will really bring me down is this paper being so late. But all is well, I will be able to survive.

My weekend was amazing, much better than I thought it would be. I saw RENT on Friday. It was really good. Then I came home and I thought my plans for the rest of the weekend were ruined until Saturday afternoon. My purpose of this blog, relates to that, but I will discuss that after I finish informing the world of my weekend. So then I met up with Casi and we went to NINETEEN places last night. No exaggeration. Casi got her tattoo. It's beautiful. Then we went to Le Petite to tell Jody, Blythe, and Kaleb hello. I'm soooo glad I saw Kaleb. I miss him so much, much more than I ever thought I would. I love that boy. Then we eventually found our way to Howlin Wolf and then we went back to Le Petite after with Matt and Rachel. I'm glad I saw them too. They're always fun. Matt had to bring Rachel home and then it was just me, Casi, Jody, Blythe, and Kaleb. We met up with Kevin (Kaleb's amazing brother) at The Pub on Bourbon. Oh my God. We are some drunk bitches. That is all that needs to be said about that. I had soooo much fun. Who came up with the idea of going to Bourbon? DANDAN that's who. What a good decision!


So my weekend was amazing. And it almost wasn't because I almost let something insignificantly stupid get in the way. Something that, in the end, doesn't matter. Something that shouldn't even bother me. Something really pointless and not worth letting my weekend be ruined. And so begins the message of this blog...


This has been something that has become increasingly hard for me to take my own advice on. There will always be that person, that something, that obstacle, that situation that will get in the way of making yourself happy. There will always be that something. While I was thinking that this something was going to ruin my weekend, I was talking to one of my friends. It made me reconsider things when he said "Why are you going to let that get in the way of things you would normally do?" He was right. And all I could think about after that was "There is more to life than that something." There really is. It's hard to let go of something or someone you care about or once did. It's very hard. But in the end, if that something won't be there, there's nothing you can do but move on.

That's been so hard for me lately. Over the past month and a half, practically all of my friendships have changed. Some for the better, some for the worse, some for both. Figuring out who to let go of has been such a challenge. There was someone I wanted to see this weekend when I was in town. And I wanted to see them pretty badly...but I didn't. And as much as I wanted to see them all weekend, when I woke up in Casi's dorm on Sunday morning and thought about how great my weekend was...I really didn't mind that I didn't get to see that person. I really didn't mind much at all. There's more to life than that person. There will always be more to life than that person. You will undoubtedly have that person that will always be a part of you, that has made you who you are, that you can't let go of. We all have that person. But honestly, we were surviving before those people came along. Maybe we weren't surviving as well as we were when they were here, but we were surviving.

And it's so frustrating, probably more frustrating than it should be. But it happens. Shit happens. Life happens. People will be there when you cry. People will be the reason you are crying. It doesn't always end well but if we spend all of our time focusing on what our lives used to be, then we can't spend time on figuring out how much better our lives could be without the drama. YOU. You can't let go of that person. And as much as everyone (even you) sees that this person is slowly but surely causing you to lose your sanity, you still hold on. There is more to life than that person. There is more to life than hoping for them to love you as much as you love them. There is more to life than being let down and knowing that the same thing will happen and not stopping it. There is more to life than that person. I just wanted to tell YOU that YOU are better than wasting your time thinking about your person all the time.

ME. There will always be those people in my life. The people who are assholes, who constantly remind you of how much they hate you for something you didn't even do, who want to see you hurt, who don't care about you even though they once did, who feel the need to keep letting you know that they don't need you despite the fact that's it is completely unnecessary - those people. The people who you don't know if you can have, who used to be your best friends, who you used to tell everything to, who you can barely talk to now, who make you cry just by thinking about them, who change your world on a daily basis, who you want things to be okay with but you know they most likely won't be - those people. There is more to life than those people. Hard as it may be to let go, sometimes you just have to say "fuck it. whatever happens, happens." That's all that you can do is focus on what's here and now and where you're going. And know that there is more to life than those people. There is always more to life than those people.

xoxo DannDann

Such as grand, wonderful, swell, and splendid

May I just start this blog saying that this morning's stream of Tweets was very amusing. I was in the library when I read them all and they just made my morning seem very swell. I have a midterm in 30 minutes and I don't feel like studying anymore. It's easy. We has ONE class of notes. It's silly. I need to stop procrastinating though. It's Wednesday and I've been having to write a paper since Sunday night. Needless to say, I have yet to write it. It's on a book I didn't read. I have had the Sparknotes window open on my computer since Saturday...and nothing done yet.

I had a miraculous phone conversation the other night. You all most likely know what it was by now if you know ANYTHING about my life. Haha. It makes me really ridiculously happy. I can't wait for the rest of this week. Not even just the weekend. After today, life will be less stressful. I have a midterm and a paper to write and then I think I'm okay. I don't really have any other worries in regards to school that I know about. I dropped English. It was killing me. So that's a relief. I'm buying some pink hair dye today so we can redo it tomorrow. It's sooo funny. You can see where the bleached parts of my hair are very very noticably now. Haha. Did I spell noticably correctly? I think so. Not sure. Anyway... so that phone call was definitely positive in pretty much every way possible.

I keep glancing over at my school bag on the table to make sure no one steals it. HA! How silly. I should probably keep studying but I will do that in a few minutes. I've only been typing for five minutes, calm down. So tomorrow I'm redying my hair and then I'm going to see a play. A PLAY. A FUCKING PLAY!!! My first real hint of theatre here. The people I'm seeing it with are dreading it and I was like, "OH MY GOD! WHERE AND WHEN?" Go figure. I miss it soooo much. You don't even know. And then I think I'm going out aaaaaafter the play. I wanna go to the Buzz since everyone is all happy with each other now, but I want to go to Cade Street because that's where Nicco will be, therefore, that's where TREVOR will be. Mmmmgirl. Loveit. I think I will probably end up going to the Buzz. Oh well. Cade Street next week?

Then Friday I'm coming home for the weekend and getting lunch with Mattie! I'm sooo excited. I miss him so much. Matthias, I miss you so much. Haha. Then I'm seeing RENT that night and hopefully meeting up with Casi afterwards to celebrate her leaving Forever 21. Saturday I shall spend with the family and then that night with Casi. There's space in between so I want to see lots of people! Lots and lots! Oh my, writing has put me in a splendid mood. I like using synonyms for good such as grand, wonderful, swell, and splendid. It makes me feel pleasantly different. Pleasant is another one. Loveit. Good just sounds so blah, don't you agree? I only really say good when I'm screaming it sarcastically. Someone - "I overslept." Me - "GOOD!" Haha. I'm such a silly person. I like it. Have a beautiful day lovers!!!

xoxo DannDann

Because of that

For the past week I have wished for the same thing at 11:11. Life is one big wish, one big hope, one big dream, one big unexpected blur. Life is...life. I've thought so much in the past month, I'm surprised my brain hasn't exploded. I realized that there are only two people in the entire world who understand me. I love that. I love them. I think it is a bit silly that I keep wishing on 11:11, since I'm trying to do the whole "expect the unexpected, let whatever happens happen" thing. But old habits die hard and wishing at 11:11 doesn't hurt anything. I like my life. It's weird. Me and Kaylen haven't been on that great of terms lately. I don't really mind. Darra has become my closest friend here. I didn't think I cared about her as much as I did. We talked for 5 hours Thursday night. It was amazing.

I miss listening to this song. Coffee by Copeland. I got it from Adrienne. I miss her. I miss how things used to be, but as time goes on, I'm learning to accept that things are different and probably won't ever be the same. They don't need to be. Things will either get better or worse or they won't matter. And that's okay. Even though it gets lonely, I like staying up here on the weekends by myself. I was supposed to see a speaker this morning, that was the whole reason I couldn't come down this weekend. Of course, I didn't go. I was mad when I realized I forgot, but to tell you the truth, I don't really mind.

I am constantly surprised by people, including by myself. I look at the pictures on my wall and I think of how I've changed since I've become friends with each of them. It's miraculous. Thinking about where I was a year ago is so weird. I was best friends with Rachel and Mindy. God, things have changed. And even more recent...eight months ago. February 4th - Oh my God. I was having withdrawals from Actor's Worst Nightmare. That was when being on stage came back into my life. I had just dyed my hair a few days before when I was drunk and with Olivia after Endymion. I didn't hate Barissa. I didn't know half the people I was close to over the summer. I was skipping Calculus, most likely. I was still distraught over what had happened between me and Rachel and the table began to realize that we hated the other people who sat there. Haha.

Six months ago. April 4th - We only had a few weeks before Godspell opened. It was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I was closest to Blythe and Casi. I was flipping my shit about Senior year ending. I think I had JUST decided I was going to Southeastern. I was very different. Four moths ago. June 4th - I was turning eighteen in ten days. I was in Cinderella and really fucking excited. I considered Sami one of my best friends. I became insanely close to Matt, Hannah, and Tyler. The Diamond of BOGs. Phah. Jambo. That was an era. Haha. I loved it. Summer was finally there and I couldn't have loved anyone more than I did already. I was so happy with where I was and with who was with me.

Two months ago. August 4th - I was moving to Hammond in eleven days and all I could do was cry because I didn't want to leave people. I didn't want anything to change. I knew it was going to and I was scared as fuck. We were doing Pajama Game. I became close to Kaleb, I didn't hate Darren (like I thought I had previously). We rescued Marty [I thought a lot about that day today]. Everything was perfect and I wanted everything to stay the way it was forever. I was about to have done 4 shows in seven and a half months and I was so pleased with my life. Today. Things are different. And as unhappy as I have been in the past month, I'm happy now. Overall, I'm happy. I know I'm doing okay. I know I have written about this a lot, but it's so weird to sit here and think about how my life has changed in the past year.

I have become the person I am because of you. Because of her. Because of him. Because of that song. Because of that night. Because of that trip to Taco Bell. Because of that phone call. Because of that cryfest. Because of those ten days. Because of what you wrote. Because of that basket. Because of that drunk night. Because of that distance. Because of those pictures. Because of that fight. Because of that video. Because of that laugh. Because of that sombrero. Because of those clothes I borrowed. Because of that yell. Because of that costume. Because of that dance. Because of that day it hailed. Because of that tantrum. Because of those aviators. Because of those baby tiny coffee pots. Because of that view. Because of those ripped jeans. Because of that cherry limeade from Sonic. Because of that time we made out on the side of Nick's truck. Because of those pictures in the bathroom. Because of that kiss. Because of that time I confessed my love for you. Because of those AIM conversations. Because of that time I slapped you. Because of that purple butterfly. Because of our adventures to the boat launch. Because of that elevator. Because of those Chinet napkins. Because of that tye dying kit. Because of that face. Because of that gay closet. Because of church on my birthday. Because of those white canvas shoes. Because of Baja FUCKING Blast. Because of that time I thought you were dead. Because of that time we casted that movie. Because of that trip to Puccino's. Because of mitten feet. Because of that conversation we had about porn. Because of those headphones. Because of that apron. Because of that quickchange. Because of that bread girl. Because of those khaki shorts. Because of you.

Because of you. You know which ones are yours. You know which ones aren't. Maybe things are different. Maybe they are the same. Maybe I don't know where the fuck we stand, but it was good. It made me happy, most likely, it still does. All of you have made me who I am today, and even though we may not be as good as we used to be, I don't regret one second of one memory that I have with you. I like who I am. I like who you have made me. Thank you for that.

xoxo DannDann

Racing With The Clock

Oh my goodness! I seem to have lost all the time in the world that I needed! I have to finish my degree plan, which was due this morning and is 10% of our grade, and I have NO IDEA what the hell I'm doing. I'm in the library and I will probably be here for the next two hours as I try to figure out the next FOUR YEARS of my life by myself. It is, indeed, stressful. Comm 101 is where my life crumbles right in front of my eyes. Examples: this whole degree plan thing, my MIDTERM is in ONE week and she just told us TODAY, and I found out that I can't go home this weekend because of an assignment in that class. Grrr. And to top it all off, I have a huge ass English test tomorrow on an EPIC NOVEL which I have YET to read.

I don't know what I am going to do. And still, I find myself here, wasting my time on the internet, writing a blog about how frustrated I am. I went to the Center for Student Excellence (Help Center) but the girl who was supposed to be there to help me with my degree plan wasn't there. I walked like 20 minutes across campus and when I get there she's not even there! It was indeed quite frustrating. I'm being responsible today though, I guess. I finally got a printout of all of my expenses at school. I've been meaning to do that for like three weeks. And I'm going to be in the library until I finish my degree plan. I probably won't end up getting back to my dorm until about TEN! My degree plan won't end up being finished for another two hours at least, and then I will probably just eat dinner out here and come back to the library to study for English with Ashley. Neither of us know what we are doing. We will be here for a while.

Oh fuck, I thought I left my English binder in my room, but I just checked and I have it. Phew. That was close. Oh FUCK! And I have to prepare my speech that I have tomorrow and I haven't even started. I think I will do that when I finish this. And THEN I have to study for a quiz that I have tomorrow for the class right after the class that I am giving the speech in. These next 24 hours are going to be brutal. Let's recap, shall we? This is more for me, than for you. So you don't have to read the rest of this paragraph if you don't want to. You actually don't have to read anything if you don't want to. Never you mind! To do: finish blog, write speech, look up courses in catalog, degree plan, eat, study, go back to my room, shower, study, look over speech, look over notes for other class, sleep, wakeup super fucking early, give speech, take quiz, eat, study, English exam, English lecture. THAT is the next 24 1/2 hours of my life. I. Am. Going. To. Die.

I'm already exhausted. It is too much. And I know I will probably end up talking to Casi and Olivia for a good couple of hours about how I have NO TIME. Which is stupid because talking will take up my time. But I need to talk to people. Oh God, I am so tired. This shall be an adventure. PS - I wanted crawfish really really fucking bad today. I was excited because I was going to get some crawfish this weekend when I came in town, but then ten minutes later I remembered I can't come down this weekend. So now I have to wait till next weekend. Oh, and I left my fucking camera at home. Last week > this week. Bar none.

xoxo DannDann

Expect the unexpected

Things are very unexpected nowadays. I never thought I would be telling myself to "expect the unexpected" and have it mean something completely different than when I usually say it. That's what I have learned to do lately, to expect the unexpected. Everyone has their own life. Everyone has secrets. Everyone has something they want to keep to themselves. That's okay. It's weird though when I know something about a person and they don't know that I know it. I am that person though. I always want to confirm it with them. I need to stop doing that. Right now, there are so many things I want to talk about, but none of which I am supposed to know. It's silly. It's okay that I'm not supposed to know them, but I know them is what it boils down to. Hmm. I will just have to keep those to myself. That will be my secret...knowing everyone else's.

I loooove how I worded that. I seem to be moving way the fuck forward with people I hadn't expected to and way the fuck back with people I hadn't expected to either. I know I've fucked up recently with one person. I don't like that. While talking to that person last night, they made me realize that I really do question everything. I know I always overanalyze things and I know how everyone says that when I think, it's bad (because usually, it is). But I think too much about everything. Especially, lately. I think I have been given fair reason to doubt things but I think I've doubted things that should not have been doubted. At the same time, I think I have put too much trust in others (different people from the person I was previously talking about, just to clarify). It's difficult to tell where things will go from here.

I want to have a conversation tonight with one of my friends, but I know that if I do, it will be very very very hard for me to not be that person as I had previously stated that I am. I want to talk to them though, so we shall see how it goes. I don't know how this upcoming weekend is going to be. I'm coming home, but I think this weekend will be very different than last weekend. To tell you the truth, I think I should just stop guessing what will happen. Expect the unexpected. Fersure. But anyway, after this upcoming weekend, I think I will wait a while before I come in town again and if I come in town, I might just stay home. How lame. I'm well aware. Distance is a good thing.

I got a little bit upset with Olivia today. She was kind of being a bitch earlier and then I was like, "Well this is awkward, I'm gonna go." And that was that. It was weird. She apologized later, which I didn't expect (exactly! UNEXPECTED! What a shocker.) but I laughed. I can never be mad at her. I love it. I need to see her soon too! Oh my. I reorganized my pictures into a big "clusterfuck of memories" as Kaleb put it. Haha. Loveit. It looks good. I think I am going to reinstate someone's pictures today. I miss looking at them. They were very good memories. I want people to visit me one weekend. I think you all would love my dorm, my room, my everything. Oh! It is GRAND! I have a bathtub. Check that shit out. :]]

Well I have to research a topic for a speech I have to give on Thursday and I was supposed to be looking over it all weekend. My group meets in 12 minutes and I have yet to start looking. How silly. It will all work fine. Haha. You people need to call me, you silly silly people. Until next time, lovers...

xoxo DannDann

Does that look like a suitable sleeping space for a HUMAN?!?!?

This weekend has been one of the most interesting weekends I have had. I was so excited all week that I was coming in and that some people were actually finally excited to see me. I miss that. Some people's reactions when they saw me surprised me more than others. Matthew's. Haha. Me - "Matthew, why do you keep touching my arms?" Matthew - "I just wanna touch ya! I haven't touched ya in forever!" I loved it. It made me really really happy. :]]

Anyway...so Friday we went to Jody's. We got really drunk and I ended up talking to Casi the entire night. We cried at some point but it worked out. That hug is probably the best thing that has happened to me in the past three weeks. Well, the conversation that took place during that hug. I needed that. So much. I'm worried that it's going to change based on the company that we are in, but I'm so glad it happened. A few people who were there got high. I think it's interesting how...ah. Fuck you, Dani. Nevermind. Ha! That was stupid. Continuing, so it was fun. A lot of people puked, but not me. A lot of people have bronchitis. I don't know if I do. I didn't hook up with anyone but I drank after someone who hooked up with someone who has bronchitis. No names. Ha! Don't you FUCKING love it? I hope you screamed that.

So then me, Casi, Blythe, Rachel, Monique, and Jody went to Parrot Pete's (oh my God, deliciousssss *sung*) and had a nice little lunch. Then after that we bought oranges and went to Casi's. Oh my God, I kept leaving my shit in everyone's cars. I left my bag in Mo's car, the oranges in Jody's car, and later I left my bag in Mimi's car. How silly. So anyway, we got to Casi's and chilled. Then we went to Mo's for like 2.712 seconds and I changed, then we left for Rivertown. We got there pretty much the same time as JoJo. Our tickets were supposed to work out, but they didn't, but then we made them work out. Haha. Beautiful.

Oh fuck. Miss Saigon was soooo good. I cried for pretty much ALL of the second half of Act 2. I was so proud of my boys (Aladdin anyone?) for their work. I miss them sooo much. But, oh my God, it was so fucking good. Everyone should go see it if they can. Aaaaah. It was just sooo good. Then we went to Tebbe's and Sarah Jackson's party. That was cute. I got to see a bunch of people I didn't think I would see and it was so good to see them. I was glad we went. Then after that, me, Casi, Jody, Blythe, Matt, Kaleb, and Tyler came to my house and we watched Disney movies. Holy fuck. Little Mermaid = best. casting. ever. HAAAAAAAAAAAA! You don't even know! It was so funny. That was a really, really good group of people. And we are all going to Disney World next summer. Hahaha. Oh how I wish. But it was definitely a lot of fun. So Matt, Kaleb, and Tyler left around 3 or something and then it was just the four of us.

I started thinking (and we all know how helpful THAT can be) and got a bit upset about a couple of things. Whatever. I don't want to write about it really. Sorry if you were interested. Ha? Anyway, so I went upstairs at like 4 and then Casi came up to my room at like 4:30 and we talked for a bit. Then she went back downstairs so they could watch Hercules or something, I think. I don't know when they went to bed though. All I know is that they are upstairs all passed the fuck out in the extra bedroom. Haha. It's funny. I think I might take a picture. Loveit.

I'm really glad Casi convinced me to come in this weekend. Despite being a bit upset last night after all was done, I had a really fucking good time this weekend and I'm so glad I came here. I like where things are and I like where things are going. I like that I saw Adam Segrave and almost fucking died. I love that boy sooo much. But yes, anyway, well now I'm going back upstairs. I hope you all enjoyed my lovely writing. Haha. Stay classy.

xoxo DannDann

SuperDani and the Flying Quesadilla of Strength

Hello, lovers. I hope all is well in everyone's lives. How I feel surprises me all the time. Haha! How stupid does that sound? But it's very true. I got to talk to Kaleb the other night on the phone. I forgot to write about that. I was really glad I got to talk to him. I miss that boy o so much. So it was very refreshing to talk to him that night. I talked to Matt last night on AIM for the first time in like two weeks. I'm so glad I did. It made me really happy to talk to him again. I think things are going well...with everything, not just in regards to two people I hadn't talked to in a while.

I finally got Youtube to upload my video last night! It's completely wonderful. You ALL should watch it. haHA! That must be said with emphasis on the second ha. Good. So yes, I'm coming in Friday and I'm ridiculously excited. I haven't been home in three weeks and I think when I come home this time it will definitely be better than it was three weeks ago. How silly. Friday night I know Jody wants to get a bunch of people together. I hope that works out. As long as people are there (and I don't care if its three people or three THOUSAND people) I would love to be there. So I hope I hang out with people Friday. I would very much like to do that. :) Then Saturday is "SuperDani and the Quesadilla of Flying Strength" day. You don't even know. I'm soooo excited!!! Then hopefully Casi and I are going to see Miss Saigon on Saturday. We have tickets. I'm trying to see if I can get Jody one now as I type! I hope I can, I don't know if it's sold out yet though. Hmmm. :/

I'm putting up more pictures on my wall, I guess reinstating would be a better word, I think so... however, I could be terribly wrong. Haha. Some new ones are up though. I have Nametag, Nicco, Mia, Heather, and the Original 5 (hahaha lunch table!) up now on the wall. I have to put up Kaylen though. I know what spot she's going in. I put new pictures in frames too. :) It makes me super happy. I'm not gonna lie, I really really really like my life right now. I can't believe I got a fucking B on my History exam!!! Thank Christ for a 10 point grading scale. HA! Well, I'm off to class but I shall talk to you crazy kids soon, I hope! Lovelovelove!

xoxo DannDann

Building Bridges

Darra - "I hooked up with a boy."
Me - "Shut. The. Fuck. Up."
Darra - "We are NOT talking about this!!!"
Me - "DARRA! YOU'RE A LESBIAN!"
Darra - "I KNOW!!!"

Hahahahaha. I love it here. I really do. I'm coming home this weekend to see Miss Saigon. I'm excited. I'm expecting it to be grand. And I'm spending Saturday with Casi!!! Yay!!! I don't know what I'm doing Friday night though, hopefully hanging out with some Loyola kids. I'm down for whatever though. Not like I'm trying to make a plan through a blog. How silly. HA!

I'm very proud of myself. Extremely. Building bridges, you know? I refuse to be bitter about things. Like Jody said in the very beginning, shit happens. And it does. Things are good and then they're bad and shit happens. Whether it starts back up again or whether it just ends badly, shit happens. I want to believe that one day sometime soon I can look back on memories with those people and say, "Remember that time that we..." and laugh about it. Not saying we have to be best friends, or even friends anymore, but what I had with certain people was really really great and if they don't want it anymore, I can't make them. I'm not bitter though, not anymore. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Hopefully everything can be civil with those who have ended friendships with me recently. It was good while it lasted, it really was, and for that I am grateful. I have a lot of good memories with them and that's what I choose to focus on. Yay for me. I am very proud of myself for my outlook.

I like the way my life is going now. This weekend was very lazy. I was in my dorm all weekend in my PJ pants and my stolen Brother Martin sweatshirt. It is my most comfortable (I wanted to say comfiest, but it just looks weird) combination. Secret - I love wearing that sweatshirt because everytime I wear it I think of Godspell (since I stole it during Godspell along with everyone else. Hahahaha!) and I remember that it was the time I was the happiest with my life. I think that's why that sweatshirt is so comfortable. :] Anyway, I sat in the rain for nearly two hours on Saturday. Not played in, sat in. I was so cold but I had some thinking to do and it really helped me. I called Jody Saturday and it was the first time I had talked to him in a while. It made me happy though. I miss him. Oh! I miss Blythie soooooo much! I hope I can see both of them next weekend when I see Casi. Hope hope hope! Jody I know you will read this, but I planned on telling you anyway. Haha. You are mentioned a couple of times in this blog now that I think about it. Silly JoJo.

Last night I went to the wine party for Kelly's birthday. It was so much fun. I met this girl Michelle. She's hilarious. I've never laughed so much with someone who I had just met. I'm glad I know her now. She has the best speaking voice I have ever heard, similar to Michael Lynn but it sounds like she has a sinus infection. Haha. Love it. It makes me smile. Then I had a really deep conversation with Dana on the 3rd floor balcony for like an hour and a half. Then an ambulance pulled up to the building next to our dorm so we sped downstairs and went outside to meet up with our friends who were already there. We went by the room that the strecther went to and there was like a trail of blood outside of these two doors. SKETCHYYYY! It was a killer time though. Then me, Cassie, and Darra went back to Darra's room and I helped Darra with her paper and we had another deep conversation for like an hour. It was perfect. I'm pretty sure my 11:11 wish came true.

It makes me happy that I'm happy, that I'm okay, that I'm me. I like it that way. I really can't find words at the moment to adequately express how happy it makes me that I'm doing okay. I'm a lot better. Everything seems clearer, like it will work out. These past two weeks have been really rough but I know I'm making it out alive. It makes me happy. I'm glad I can say that now. Love me or hate me...I'm happy. :]

xoxo DannDann

That Girl Who I Am Going To Fuck...During Christmas...Or Every Time I See Her

I walked into my History class about 30 seconds late. The first and only thing I see on the table in front of me is a piece of paper that says "Pick four of the following eight for short answers and pick one of the three given topics for an essay". About how it should have been an OBJECTIVE test! Dani, this is not high school, get real. I'm just praying I got at least a C. Praying.

I really am surprised with myself. Before last night I forgot how good I was at writing about something other than my life. Like I know I always write exactly the way I mean to and I know what I can say to make people think and I know that I can write lines that just make you wonder how the fuck I do it, I know. I just forget sometimes. Two of my friends are paying me to write their papers on life experience. Grand. I did that last night. They had to be about culture. Dana's was about New Orleans culture, Darra's was about gay culture. I figure that I'm a hag from New Orleans, this would be good. Oh my God, the shit I wrote...beautiful. Darra's roommate (from NOLA) read Dana's paper and cried. SHE. CRIED. Oh my God I am so fucking proud of myself. You all need to read that paper. It's so amazing. All I could do was smile the entire time I read it, all four times. Hahaha.

So everyone went out last night but I didn't. I kind of wanted to but I'm glad I didn't. Last night I was in no state to drink. Tired and frustrated. It would have been horrible. Haha? I talked to Cameron for a good hour. He made me cry from what he was saying, not like I wasn't crying already. You know why I love us? Because in the middle of tears rolling down my face and in the middle of him telling me exactly what I needed to hear...he stuttered. It was horribly noticable. I just started fucking busting out laughing and he was like, "What?" and I was like, "You stuttered." and then he was laughing at the fact that I was laughing at his stuttering while I was crying and it was just so perfect. It was so completely perfect. It was so completely us.

Me - "The difference between yall and them is that yall could re-explain me...to...me...they can't."
Cameron - "Dani, I could write a fucking book on you. Actually I am, it's with the editors."
Me - "Can you title it 'That Girl Who I Am Going To Fuck'?"
Cameron - *continuing the title* "...During Christmas"
Me - *continuing the title* "...Or Every Time I See Her"

Oh my God I love us. Go Down Moses was in my head on the way to the library today. I told myself I was going to mention that when I wrote. WHOA! I totally forgot I was writing this and took like a random 20 minute break from writing. I threw myself off. How silly. Haha. So I think things are going okay. I guess they are the best they've been lately? I think so. PS- the sticky tack of the one that I was debating...I'm taking it down today. It may mean nothing to the rest of you, but it means a whole hell of a lot to me. With that said, I'm off to lunch. Have a splendid day!

xoxo DannDann

HERCULEEEES! MY MAN!

I should've taken my pain medicine today. I had to do stairs. Not good. No sir. Every time in the past two days that I have talked to Casi I have realized how much I love to sing. I've been trying to help her pick songs for her theatre group and we were going through some yesterday (Children of God? NO!) and I started singing all the songs that Flo gave me when I still took voice with her. I miss those songs. I miss Chorale sooo much. I miss competition singing and perfecting the fuck out of our songs. People don't know what good sounds like here. Ha. That sounds really stupid, but its so true. Seriously...if you are a singer, you know what good is. If you're not a singer, your expectations (word choice? STANDARDS...perfect) for good are probably not as high as ours. I make singers sound conceited I guess. It's true. You know.

I can't wait for Wednesday. I'm redoing my hair before I come down. I'm not coming to NOLA this weekend, but next weekend I am. I think I'm gonna see Saigon, I gotta figure out who all can go with me (or who wants to. HA!) before I decide. It will have been three weeks since I been home...not bad. I like it. Minus fracturing my ankle, staying here last weekend was pretty good, especially with the timing. Gah! So I need an idea for decorating. I don't just want to keep putting up pictures. Well I do actually, I need to put more up and I need to decide if I'm keeping that one section of sticky tack up. I think I might take it down today or tomorrow. That kind of sucks. But I kind of think I should take it down. It's a hairflip. Haha. I've never written that before. I've said it a lot recently, but I haven't written it. It made me giggle.

But yeah, so I get to redo my hair Wednesday. Same colors. I like it and I hope you do (if you see me) as well. Everyone's going out tonight for Tim's birthday. EVERYONE. Not me though. A) because of my ankle and B) I have a HUGE ASS history test tomorrow. I haven't started studying. And I'm not even nervous about the objective part, I'm nervous about the essay part. I'm sure I will do fine. I have a meeting in two weeks with my academic advisor...I have to plan the next four years of my life. Scary, much? Duh. I don't even want to think about it. TOPIC CHANGE. I might watch Rent tonight before/after I study. I'm going to study. I have to. But I was going to watch it last night. It would have been a disaster. If I would've watched Rent, I would have drank with Kaylen. She told me we should drink last night and I agreed. Then I realized that I had only said that because I was upset so then I ended up not drinking because I promised myself I wouldn't drink when I was upset. I was proud of myself. Yay responsible.

My leg hurts. I think after I finish this, I'm going to get dinner to go. I don't feel like eating in the cafeteria by myself. I would much rather get food and eat it in my room and listen to my music than be in the cafeteria alone and listening to people have lame conversation around me about Star Wars or how New Orleans should not have been rebuilt (lame, I know. Trust. Me.) or the Iliad. I go to school with some stupid people. But I go to school with some pretty chill people too. I'm really glad that I bought that picture frame that I put the pictures of me, Dana, and Kaylen in. We are always together. I love it. There is absolutely no bullshit with them. It makes me happy. They're some cool kids. I don't think we should give ourselves a name though, we all want to, but I told them we can't have a group name. I have bad history with that. Haha. That sounds bitter. It wasn't meant to be, it was just fact. No one get their panties in a twist please. Thanks. Hahahahahaha. Well, now that this is all awkward I shall depart. Hahaha. All for now.

xoxo DannDann

:]]

I feel like it's about that time I blog again. I blog a lot. I like it. So about how my ankle got me a 5 day bogus extension on a paper that I had to write. And let me tell you, that paper is AMAZING. I will get to that momentarily. My life...has not been to interesting lately. I was trying to figure out what I was going to write after that elipsis and I cocked my head to the side and realized I don't want to complain about anything. Wow. I'm smiling. It's strange. I keep laughing as well because the guy on the computer next to me printed out a huge picture of a guy with an electrical outlet for a head. It is very amusing indeed. Hahahahahahaha! Too bad I can't laugh out loud in the library.

But, really. I can't say anything I haven't already said. When I focus on this one thing, it gets me down, but when I think about my life in general...it's...good. Whoa. Shut the fuck up, I wish you could all see my faces. I think maybe getting away with the paper spurred all of this. Hello positive outlook on life...there may be some things I can't do or have absolutely no control over, but for every thing I can't do there are ten thousand things that I can do or that I can control or that are in my favor. Wow. Stop it! This is ridiculous. Maybe with certain relationship, the good doesn't outweigh (definitely just corrected myself from spelling outWAY...wow Dani) the bad, but in my life...there is so much good that I should be focusing on. Shit.

Like I'm really surprised with myself. I hope I'm actually right this time. Haha. My paper...so I was supposed to write my paper Thursday night or Friday morning. Thursday night was out. So I woke up Friday morning to do it and knew it was not gonna happen. *In Jamie Schreiffer voice* Oh ah-ah! Hahahaha. So then Saturday I was gonna write it and email it to him and have it be late. Then I fell on Saturday so that didn't work. Then I was gonna do it Sunday but my mother was with me and she would ask what I was typing and I was not about to say "that paper for History that was due Friday" so then I was going to write it Monday. Monday was a day of sleep. Then I was going to write it Tuesday. Tuesday I was hanging out with Olivia and Nametag and Dana and Kaylen. Tuesday - no no. Wednesday morning at 6:30? Of course. I had class at 9. Haha. So I wrote it from 6:40 to 7:30 in the morning and then emailed it to my professor. My excuse for the lateness was that "my mom brought me home so that she could take care of me but we left my computer at school, so I got internet from my house but I didn't have my computer, which had the paper on it, so I couldn't send it to my professor" HA! This was not the case as I had just previously explained.

I'm walking my classes today. My ankle hurts when I walk...go figure, it's fractured. But then again, when I'm not walking it doesn't hurt as much...there's the positive Dani I've been missing. Oh my God. I'm a creeper. Haha. Or a "freaker" as Olivia says. You wanna know what is intimidating? Me and Olivia. If you ever thought being around the Star over the summer was intimidating, you've never been with just me and Olivia. It. Is. Ridiculous. I love it. Haha. Dinner was so much fun with her, Kaylen, and Dana yesterday. They both stared at us the whole time and they were like "Damn" and we were like *question mark* and they were like "It's hard to keep up with yall" We laughed because we know it's true. Haha. It is.

I like being positive. Yeah it was okay to be sad for a while and all and it's okay to make the effort to try and make things okay, but still, I like being happy. I like being positive. I like being me. Secret of the day - I like that being me is what I'm best at. :]]

xoxo DannDann