Do it for the now

Casi Landix. What a nut. Your blog made me think a bajillion things. It's true though. I'm always worried about change and I'm always worried that I will lose the good things I have surrounded myself with. But honestly, so the fuck what? What if I lose them? Then I either find a way to get them back or I move on. That's what I was afraid of when I left for college. I was afraid that everything was going to change. That the "good" that I had come to know and love for so long was going to be different. And it was. It all changed. And I find myself here, again, worried that it won't last this time either.

But when I think about that, when I think about how I don't want it to happen again... I think about where I am now. How afraid I was about all of this change, how I hated it when it hit me, how bad it hurt when I lost the people I loved, and most importantly, how I overcame it all. Yeah things changed, and yeah I like how they are now, but the point is that they changed and that I moved on and that I'm back in an even better state now. We know each other, more than ever, and we've all been through our fair share of drama and fights and bullshit. What it comes down to is that we still have each other. No matter what changes happened, and no matter how different we are, we are still "us". Granted, it is a different "us" than it was before, but it will always be. Things will always be different the next day, the next week, the next month, the next something. Things won't stay the same. And that's okay.

Whether we want to accept that or not, it's really honestly what it is. You can either hold on to all of the hurt that you aquired or all of the "what was" or you can focus on how good things are or how good they can be. I have been thinking about the "what was" lately and I have been so extremely happy that things have all worked out for the best, but I have undoubtedly been thinking about how bad they were and how I don't want them to be there. But why should I keep thinking about it when I can just be in the now and make sure that it's not going to end up like that? Why spend your life worrying when you can spend it looking forward to the next minutes that you don't want to miss? Why worry when it already happened? You can't change it. Sure, you got hurt and you don't want to get hurt again, but try. Just try to move on. Surround yourself with the people that make you happy (regardless of the past that comes along with them).

Granted, you have to watch yourself to make sure you don't get hurt, but don't let it consume you. I've let it consume me these past three months. I'm just ready to be "us" again. And we are "us" again and I love that. This weekend, if anything, proved to me that we are "us" again. I liked where we began, I hated where we went, and I love where we are. So why waste my time thinking about like and hate, when I know that what I got right now is love? Just fuck the rest and do it for the now. Do it for yourself. Do it because, honestly...it's the only thing you can control.

xoxo DannDann