Okay.

So just to throw this out there before I begin...this is my 101st blog. *pats self on back*. In a year, this blog has helped me realize a lot of things... a lot of who I am, a lot about how I really TRULY feel about people, and a lot about my word choice. I really love to blog and I really thank everyone who reads these things. It helps me get lots of things, as I'm sure you know, and I feel like it's one of the few ways I can really say what I'm thinking. So thank you, blog, for being and outlet that I know I can rely on. =]

Now onto the good stuff. I went out a week ago with a couple of my friends. First time I had been to Dyke Night at The Pub in a really long time. I saw a bunch of people that I know. Chrysti, Ellen, Lauren, Maddie, ERIC, and JOBI! I went with Matt, Alex, and Kaleb. God, I love my boys (see previous blog. Ha!). I had so much fun and not a single drop of alcohol. I was so close to getting hand grenades from this one guy who I thought was straight, but then we saw him in The Pub like 10 minutes later and I gave him a bitch look. It was funny. I laughed. I can't believe I saw Eric. He looks so good. I miss him like crazy. Yes, I'm gonna buy him lunch and, yes, we WILL go to chicaaaaago one day. No one gets that but him. I love him. I talked to him every now and then. It was really good seeing him. Then I saw Jobi...

I had a really big talk with Jobi about college and high school and the huge difference. He made me think about a lot of things. And you know what I mean when I say "think". He was saying, "Yeah, you know, high school is full of bullshit and drama and hookups and people are all up in each other's business. And that's not the fucking real world. In college, you do what you want, you only look out for yourself, and no one gives a fuck and no one cares about you like they did in high school and thats amazing and that's REAL LIFE. Between me and you, I'm so glad that I don't hang out with highschoolers. *looks at my boys* They're yours? They're high school, huh? Babe, if I were you, I'd get out of that. I did. I'm glad I did. Get new people. Get people who don't give a fuck. Do what you want. Get out the drama." That conversation made me think way more than I ever thought it would. I love my friends to death, I love being with them and I love how we all are with each other but it's not how I want to live. It's very difficult because at one point I agreed with him. I don't want to deal with all of it, but I know that if I want to deal with some of it, I have to deal with ALL of it. I just wish things weren't so complicated. In the end, I am happier than I am upset with my friends. So, as of now, I'm here to stay, you know? It's complicated.

So we left Bourbon and had a really fun car ride home. Then let's fast forward to July 4th. Sounds good. I had work. Work was good. Then there was a series of awkward events and I felt so stupid and so just...whatever...about it. So I left work and went to my family reunion, which was a lot of fun, surprisingly. Then Alex picked me up and it was just awkward. Then we went to Kaleb's. Actually, I don't think I want to blog about July 4th anymore. Not because I'm trying to "control" myself, and not because I'm trying to move past it...but because I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired of thinking. People might make bad decisions or they might make good ones, and whether they learn or not from it, it's their choices. I know that. Sometimes I just don't get why people do what they do and it gets "stupid" to me. Whether it's my call or not, it's how I feel. I'm not asking anyone to agree. I just needed to say that. For myself I guess.

I don't really feel like blogging anymore at all actually. I hate that. I plan to just vent everything out and then I realize that I already have to other people and I have to stop myself from writing because of what I will think. That's dumb. I haven't been doing my homework for therapy. I probably should. But that involves writing what I feel. Maybe later in the day, when I have nothing else to do but think. That's going to be interesting...

xoxo DannDann