I don't do sadness

Am I over it or am I just distracted? A big part of me thinks I'm slowly but surely getting over it. But then again, just when I'm sure I'm moving on, something happens and I know I'm not as over it as I thought I was. If only it were that easy. It's hard to move on. It's really hard. But I think I'm doing it. I hope so. I'm definitely distracted and I definitely like it. But I don't know if I like it more than I reasonably should. I like it because it keeps me from thinking about the original thing, but is that the only reason I like it - because it's new, because it's a distraction - or do I like it for what it is? I think I like it for itself and not for the sole fact that it's a distraction.

I feel more comfortable with my friends than I ever have. I am so incredibly happy with that. I'm trying really hard to build all of my bridges that had been burnt. I hope the people on the other side of the bridge want to try equally as hard. Just taking it one day at a time. As this semester is about to end, it's so silly to think about how much I have grown and how much my relationships have grown. People who I didn't even know, that I now can't really live without - it's just so insane. In January, everything was ridiculously different. In August...I can't even put into words the changes that have occurred. That is far too much.

I'm glad I am where I'm at with everyone right before summer. I wouldn't rather spend my time with other people. I feel like I have so much that I want to write, but I don't know how to write any of it. I'm scared of a lot of things that I never realized I was scared of until these past couple of weeks. I'm really scared of being replaced. I realized that more than ever within this past month. I'm scared of being wrong. That sounds stupid. I realized that today. I'm scared of failure. That sounds stupid, too. I think about how I'm scared of that whenever I think about school. Not saying I'm going to fail out of school, I'm just worried about always having to work so hard and not always getting the grades I wish I had. I'm afraid of telling people how I feel - with absolutely no bullshit. Not that I lie to people when they ask my opinion, but there is so much that I hold back on. And you'll never be able to tell when I'm doing it, because how do you know there's more to the story? (Thanks, Fiona.) You don't. I want to try to work on that. But I don't know if I will. Well I guess I got out a lot of what I wanted to say within this paragraph. I just need to think about a bunch of things. But think in a good way.

I was "thinking" last week for the first time in about a month. I hated it. I hope I don't "think" this week. I really hope I don't.

Awful sweet to be a little butterfly, just winging over things and nothing deep inside. Nothing going, going wild in you, you know. You're slowing by the riverside or floating high and blue. Or may be cool to be a little summer wind, like once through everything and then away again with the taste of dust in your mouth all day but no need to know - like sadness you just sail away, cause you know I don't do sadness, not even a little bit. Just don't need in my life. Don't want any part of it. I don't do sadness. Hey, I've done my time looking back on it all, then it blows my mind. I don't do sadness, so been there. Don't do sadness. Just don't care.

xoxo DannDann