Let that be enough...

It's been a while... it always is.

I wonder if this is what it feels like to let go - to not have something that you tell yourself you don't want. Have you ever felt like that?

There's this thing. And it just eats at you. Constantly. And you don't want it anymore because you know how much you can't stand it. It used to make you happy. It used to be part of your life, but now... it's just... not. And you don't want it to be, but you missed what it used to be. And this thing... it's just hard to let go of... because you held on for so long... and you don't necessarily know how to not do that anymore. It's weird. You can't escape it because it's everywhere and you think about it a lot. So you're constantly reminded about how things aren't the way they used to be and how they will never be that way again. And you're absolutely sure that you don't want it back in your life. But it's always there... and then you feel weird, because it's over, it's done... right? It's the end... right? Is this letting go? Is this moving on? Is this one step to healthy?

So you had that thing, right? And the NEW thing that helps you move past the OLD thing is practically the only thing getting you through it all. But then the new thing gets taken away for a bit. Not because the new thing is defected or anything, but just because it can't be there for a little bit. It's nothing personal, and you understand, and you're happy for the new thing and all of what it is going to experience during this time... but you can't stop thinking about how the old thing will be everywhere and the new thing won't be anywhere at all. So did you really let go? Or are you bound to fall right back into everything? Will you let yourself? Will you stay strong - or will you just give up... like you did every other time before?

"Let me know that you hear me, let me know your touch. Let me know that you love me - let that be enough."

I guess it isn't. And the thing is... I don't think it ever was.

You're not what I want. You're not what I need. And you're certainly not what makes me happy.

It's difficult to let go... but I need to. I want to. And honestly... there's nothing else to do.

xoxo DannDann