I haven't blogged in a long time. Like legit blogged. I'm back up at school. I'm really glad about that. Here's a review of my summer...I didn't think that this summer would be as good as the last summer. Summer 08 was pretty impecable. I'm not gonna lie, I dont think anything can outshine last summer. It was amazing. Summer 08 - I found my best friends. I found the people who get me. Summer 09 - Everything was put to the test. I feel like there was a lot of shit this summer. There was a lot of fighting. There was a lot of true colors. There were a lot of lessons learned. There was a lot of Grease. Grease was the enjoyable part of the summer. It made me realize how much I miss theatre and why I love it as much as I do. I worked. I played. I laughed. I cried. I made so many new friends. Overall - this summer was worth the shit, the drama, the energy. This summer definitely made me realize a lot of things.
As well as you think you know people, there is always a chance that you will be wrong about them. You can know them in and out and they can know you better than you know yourself...and it can all be wrong. You may think you have it all figured out... but you never will. Coming to terms with that is so hard for me. Just when it's all perfect and everything's back in place and you have what you need... and then you find our that its not what you thought it would be at all. It's all a game. It's all a joke. Once I got back to school, I realized how much growing up I had done, how much growing up I have to do, and how I'm ready for it. I learned a lot this summer. I learned that I need to pick my battles more wisely. I learned that I need to get over some things. I learned that I won't always drive the car I want to drive, that the only car I drive is mine and that if I'm too busy trying to drive someone else's car that my car will always be parked and I'll never go in or out or up or down, I'll just stay still. I learned that the thing that I quite possibly miss the most, moreso than anything I have ever missed, might just have to be let go. Things happen the way they do for a reason. And I know it happened the way it did, because that's how it needed to happen. I'm better without her and she's better without me. I miss what we used to be like. But I can't miss someone who isn't the same person I became best friends with. There will always be a place for some people in your heart, no matter how much you try to fight it or push it away, you will always think about them and what you had, and they will always be a part of who you were... who you are.
Growing up is scary as hell. Growing up is paying your own cell phone bill. Growing up is getting insurance benefits from work. Growing up is reading the newspaper while you drink your coffee. Growing up is realizing that you're out of high school and realizing that you hate the actions of the people who still act like they're in high school. Growing up is making your bed without having someone tell you to do it. Growing up is meeting deadlines. Growing up is not about talking to all seventeen million of your best friends every night because you don't want to lose them. Growing up is about knowing who will be there no matter how often you talk or see each other. Growing up is not always being able to watch your favorite show or hear your song because you don't only have to be considerate of yourself. Growing up is listening. Growing up is appreciating your friends, because you will realize how few true friends you have. Growing up is learning what's important. Growing up is taking responsibility. Growing up is not going out every night. Growing up is quitting your vices. Growing up is being yourself and always maintaining who you are. Growing up is scary as hell.
I watched Crash a couple of nights ago. It's one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's so crazy how so many people can be intertwined like that. One of my new favorite quotes is from this movie. "Sometimes we miss that touch so much that we crash into people just to feel something." I didn't really think that was true the first time I heard it...but I really think it is whenever I reflect on it. Sometimes you just fight to know that the other person cares, that they want to keep you as badly as you want to keep them. Sometimes you kiss someone to remind them of how much they love you. Or maybe you just squeeze their hand "accidentally" when you hold it. You might slap someone to let them know they're dumb. You might just hold on and never let go and just hug them for what feels like forever because you know that even though you didn't want to...you feel like you can't let go because you realize how much you love them and how much that hug means and how much you feel for them and how much you have to be there (whether you think you want to be or not). And those few people who will hug back for as long as it takes, or who kiss you, or who squeeze your hand
on purpose...those are the people you learn that you need to keep. Those are the ones you can't live without. Those are the ones who make or break you...who share experiences with you that will turn you into who you are.
I forgot how much I love BARE. Don't think I'm talking about the BARE that everyone knows. I'm talking about BARE when it first became BARE, with Michael Arden and John Hill. When they didn't have an official cast recording, when the cast recording is with the original people and was recorded during the show and not in a studio. Ghetto as hell, but so much better than the one that everyone obsesses over. Honestly, the voices on the current cast of BARE don't impress me that much. They're good and everything, but I fell in love with the original. I'm not anti-New BARE, I'm just pro-Original BARE. The lyrics are a little different, but the original cast is just so much better. Try and find it and listen to it if you can. Fuck, it's so good.
This is that blog I've been talking about writing. I wrote it forever ago and wanted to add more, but I realize it's just perfect the way it is. It's good. So here's my big blog whether you read it or not, fuckers. I liked it. It help me get out a lot. It took me over a month (holy shit. I just looked at the date I started it. August 19. Goddamn!) to write it. But here it is. I hope you read it. Just saying.
xoxo DannDann
