In order to be happy, you have to make a conscious effort to do so every single day. Just like recovering from an addiction, depression will creep back into your life the very second you stop trying to fight it. Then the question is raised - is the lifelong fight worth it? For me, the answer is yes. You can't just stop trying. You can't just fucking give up. Because if you do give up, you're fucked. There's no nice or simple way to put it. "Because then you'll dissapoint yourself" or "because then you let yourself down"... no... because then YOU ARE FUCKED.
If you let something beat you because YOU stopped fighting, then you deserved to lose. You can't be a charity case. Everyone has problems. Everyone has addictions (whether chemical or not). Everyone has issues. You make YOURSELF a charity case. And that is so fucking pointless. Stop complaining. Hypocrital, yes, for I, myself, am complaining. Tonight I told someone "Stop whining" and their response was "I'm good at it." Now, you see, I know this was a joke. But thinking about it, there are a lot of people who say that and are serious. What a horrible thing to be good at. Get a fucking hobby. Jesus.
People bother me because they worry about so much stupid shit. Having lost a good friend in the past week, it makes me realize how unimportant so many things are. Because honestly, not being 100% off book for my show on the first night of off book or thinking that someone doesn't like me or the fact that I slept through my first class or always just being the friend or wanting to smoke or being out of cigarettes - none of it fucking matters. I'm alive. I always used to say that my friends were my #1 priority. Then next it was school. Then finally it was myself. People need to stop being so fucking concerned with all of this shit. All of this temporary bullshit. Because you're #1 priority should be yourself or to live. Because until you die, all you have is yourself and your life. Don't spend your time doing anything but living. Don't fucking worry about things that won't matter within the next 7 days because you might fucking die tomorrow. Because whether or not YOU die tomorrow, someone will. Someone will never get to graduate college. Someone will never get to have a family. Someone will never get to live for themselves. So you should. Live for you while you can. Keep fighting while you can.
Because the second you stop fighting, you're putting yourself in your own grave. You're making yourself miserable. You can do something about it. So fucking do it. Try. Care. Fucking love yourself. And let people love you. Because you never fucking know when you won't be able to anymore.
RIP Jordan Gugliuzza
xoxo DannDann
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