Epic.

I haven't blogged in a long time. Like legit blogged. I'm back up at school. I'm really glad about that. Here's a review of my summer...I didn't think that this summer would be as good as the last summer. Summer 08 was pretty impecable. I'm not gonna lie, I dont think anything can outshine last summer. It was amazing. Summer 08 - I found my best friends. I found the people who get me. Summer 09 - Everything was put to the test. I feel like there was a lot of shit this summer. There was a lot of fighting. There was a lot of true colors. There were a lot of lessons learned. There was a lot of Grease. Grease was the enjoyable part of the summer. It made me realize how much I miss theatre and why I love it as much as I do. I worked. I played. I laughed. I cried. I made so many new friends. Overall - this summer was worth the shit, the drama, the energy. This summer definitely made me realize a lot of things.

As well as you think you know people, there is always a chance that you will be wrong about them. You can know them in and out and they can know you better than you know yourself...and it can all be wrong. You may think you have it all figured out... but you never will. Coming to terms with that is so hard for me. Just when it's all perfect and everything's back in place and you have what you need... and then you find our that its not what you thought it would be at all. It's all a game. It's all a joke. Once I got back to school, I realized how much growing up I had done, how much growing up I have to do, and how I'm ready for it. I learned a lot this summer. I learned that I need to pick my battles more wisely. I learned that I need to get over some things. I learned that I won't always drive the car I want to drive, that the only car I drive is mine and that if I'm too busy trying to drive someone else's car that my car will always be parked and I'll never go in or out or up or down, I'll just stay still. I learned that the thing that I quite possibly miss the most, moreso than anything I have ever missed, might just have to be let go. Things happen the way they do for a reason. And I know it happened the way it did, because that's how it needed to happen. I'm better without her and she's better without me. I miss what we used to be like. But I can't miss someone who isn't the same person I became best friends with. There will always be a place for some people in your heart, no matter how much you try to fight it or push it away, you will always think about them and what you had, and they will always be a part of who you were... who you are.

Growing up is scary as hell. Growing up is paying your own cell phone bill. Growing up is getting insurance benefits from work. Growing up is reading the newspaper while you drink your coffee. Growing up is realizing that you're out of high school and realizing that you hate the actions of the people who still act like they're in high school. Growing up is making your bed without having someone tell you to do it. Growing up is meeting deadlines. Growing up is not about talking to all seventeen million of your best friends every night because you don't want to lose them. Growing up is about knowing who will be there no matter how often you talk or see each other. Growing up is not always being able to watch your favorite show or hear your song because you don't only have to be considerate of yourself. Growing up is listening. Growing up is appreciating your friends, because you will realize how few true friends you have. Growing up is learning what's important. Growing up is taking responsibility. Growing up is not going out every night. Growing up is quitting your vices. Growing up is being yourself and always maintaining who you are. Growing up is scary as hell.

I watched Crash a couple of nights ago. It's one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's so crazy how so many people can be intertwined like that. One of my new favorite quotes is from this movie. "Sometimes we miss that touch so much that we crash into people just to feel something." I didn't really think that was true the first time I heard it...but I really think it is whenever I reflect on it. Sometimes you just fight to know that the other person cares, that they want to keep you as badly as you want to keep them. Sometimes you kiss someone to remind them of how much they love you. Or maybe you just squeeze their hand "accidentally" when you hold it. You might slap someone to let them know they're dumb. You might just hold on and never let go and just hug them for what feels like forever because you know that even though you didn't want to...you feel like you can't let go because you realize how much you love them and how much that hug means and how much you feel for them and how much you have to be there (whether you think you want to be or not). And those few people who will hug back for as long as it takes, or who kiss you, or who squeeze your hand on purpose...those are the people you learn that you need to keep. Those are the ones you can't live without. Those are the ones who make or break you...who share experiences with you that will turn you into who you are.

I forgot how much I love BARE. Don't think I'm talking about the BARE that everyone knows. I'm talking about BARE when it first became BARE, with Michael Arden and John Hill. When they didn't have an official cast recording, when the cast recording is with the original people and was recorded during the show and not in a studio. Ghetto as hell, but so much better than the one that everyone obsesses over. Honestly, the voices on the current cast of BARE don't impress me that much. They're good and everything, but I fell in love with the original. I'm not anti-New BARE, I'm just pro-Original BARE. The lyrics are a little different, but the original cast is just so much better. Try and find it and listen to it if you can. Fuck, it's so good.

This is that blog I've been talking about writing. I wrote it forever ago and wanted to add more, but I realize it's just perfect the way it is. It's good. So here's my big blog whether you read it or not, fuckers. I liked it. It help me get out a lot. It took me over a month (holy shit. I just looked at the date I started it. August 19. Goddamn!) to write it. But here it is. I hope you read it. Just saying.

xoxo DannDann

Not anymore

If it weren't for Jason Robert Brown, cigarettes, and my friends...there's no way I would have gotten through these past two weeks.

My life has become unbearably complicated.

You have become insanely important to me.

You have made me laugh more than I ever thought you would.

You have been there for me every second of every day and I'm so grateful for you.

You made me realize how funny it is that we always used to argue and now all we can do is be the same person and you made me value late night trips to the market.

You made me worry, for the first time in a really long time.

You made me hopeful. Well...not anymore...

xoxo DannDann

Short and sweet

So I still intend on wiritng a really good legit blog soon. However, that is not this post. I haven't forgotten about wanting to write more. This post counts as writing. I have about two minutes before I do my English homework (last minute of course) and I thought I would write since I keep putting it off. This won't be much of substance or anything else but silliness really, but it's something.

I had a really fantastic weekend. I spent a total of about 16 hours at Loyola this weekend. I was kissed in the rain. I got bitten by bugs at KBL at 3:30 in the morning. I went swimming. I insulted a dinosaur. I let it snow. I went to a seminar. I had a very special sleepover. I laughed. I cried. It was awesome. I hope yours was good too.

But mine was better =]

xoxo DannDann

The goal has been set.

So sometime within the next week I am going to have a real blog. One of my many personal goals for this semester is to start blogging again frequently. Maybe it will be every other day during my break between classes. Maybe more. Maybe less. Maybe all the time. Maybe never. But I want to try. The goal has been set.

Update on the beginning of my sophomore year. I missed school a lot. I'm sitting here and the only reason I'm blogging is because I have ten minutes to kill before my next class and I'm waiting for everyone else to finish printing their shit so I can print my Biology syllabus. I just looked and the line is gone. I'm going to the printer now. Hold on.

I'm back. My syllabus is now stapled and hole punched. Nice and neat like it should be =] Anyway... so I've been to 4 of my 5 classes. I realized that I like to spell out numbers instead of using the number... so I've been to four of my five classes. They're all pretty good so far. English - my teacher is quirky. His daughter was a purple butterfly. Shoutout to class of 2008! I like him. Poli Sci - my teacher is kind of an asshole, but he is extremely opinionated. He is a lawyer. I am going to LOVE this class. Theatre - I love. Period. Math - I like math, but I think I am going to hate this course. I don't really like my teacher. He is very by the book. He's kind of boring. I will get over it. I haven't had Biology yet, so I can't really tell you how I feel about it yet. I'm sure I will be fine.

I think I'm going to audition for the play. Midsummer Night's Dream. Auditions tonight at 5. I think I will go. I get extra credit for auditioning. So I feel like it's a win-win, even if I don't get in the show. I'm really tired. I wish I would've had time to nap before class. I guess I will just nap after. It depends on the timing of the rest of the night as to whether or not I get my desired nap. Well, I guess I should head to class. It starts in ten minutes. I miss blogging like this. Definitely going to do more of it now.

xoxo DannDann

Timeline.

I have twenty days left of the summer. Scary.

xoxo DannDann

Okay.

So just to throw this out there before I begin...this is my 101st blog. *pats self on back*. In a year, this blog has helped me realize a lot of things... a lot of who I am, a lot about how I really TRULY feel about people, and a lot about my word choice. I really love to blog and I really thank everyone who reads these things. It helps me get lots of things, as I'm sure you know, and I feel like it's one of the few ways I can really say what I'm thinking. So thank you, blog, for being and outlet that I know I can rely on. =]

Now onto the good stuff. I went out a week ago with a couple of my friends. First time I had been to Dyke Night at The Pub in a really long time. I saw a bunch of people that I know. Chrysti, Ellen, Lauren, Maddie, ERIC, and JOBI! I went with Matt, Alex, and Kaleb. God, I love my boys (see previous blog. Ha!). I had so much fun and not a single drop of alcohol. I was so close to getting hand grenades from this one guy who I thought was straight, but then we saw him in The Pub like 10 minutes later and I gave him a bitch look. It was funny. I laughed. I can't believe I saw Eric. He looks so good. I miss him like crazy. Yes, I'm gonna buy him lunch and, yes, we WILL go to chicaaaaago one day. No one gets that but him. I love him. I talked to him every now and then. It was really good seeing him. Then I saw Jobi...

I had a really big talk with Jobi about college and high school and the huge difference. He made me think about a lot of things. And you know what I mean when I say "think". He was saying, "Yeah, you know, high school is full of bullshit and drama and hookups and people are all up in each other's business. And that's not the fucking real world. In college, you do what you want, you only look out for yourself, and no one gives a fuck and no one cares about you like they did in high school and thats amazing and that's REAL LIFE. Between me and you, I'm so glad that I don't hang out with highschoolers. *looks at my boys* They're yours? They're high school, huh? Babe, if I were you, I'd get out of that. I did. I'm glad I did. Get new people. Get people who don't give a fuck. Do what you want. Get out the drama." That conversation made me think way more than I ever thought it would. I love my friends to death, I love being with them and I love how we all are with each other but it's not how I want to live. It's very difficult because at one point I agreed with him. I don't want to deal with all of it, but I know that if I want to deal with some of it, I have to deal with ALL of it. I just wish things weren't so complicated. In the end, I am happier than I am upset with my friends. So, as of now, I'm here to stay, you know? It's complicated.

So we left Bourbon and had a really fun car ride home. Then let's fast forward to July 4th. Sounds good. I had work. Work was good. Then there was a series of awkward events and I felt so stupid and so just...whatever...about it. So I left work and went to my family reunion, which was a lot of fun, surprisingly. Then Alex picked me up and it was just awkward. Then we went to Kaleb's. Actually, I don't think I want to blog about July 4th anymore. Not because I'm trying to "control" myself, and not because I'm trying to move past it...but because I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired of thinking. People might make bad decisions or they might make good ones, and whether they learn or not from it, it's their choices. I know that. Sometimes I just don't get why people do what they do and it gets "stupid" to me. Whether it's my call or not, it's how I feel. I'm not asking anyone to agree. I just needed to say that. For myself I guess.

I don't really feel like blogging anymore at all actually. I hate that. I plan to just vent everything out and then I realize that I already have to other people and I have to stop myself from writing because of what I will think. That's dumb. I haven't been doing my homework for therapy. I probably should. But that involves writing what I feel. Maybe later in the day, when I have nothing else to do but think. That's going to be interesting...

xoxo DannDann

And by hangout all summer...you mean I can drown you in my one foot pool...

I'm listening to my music on shuffle and I'm going to write what songs play while they play. First...Be a Man - Mulan. I love that song. That brings me to my first point of this blog. I have lots of "boys" in regards to the select few I care about. You all know who you are. Some people THOUGHT they were part of that, but they were highly mistaken. I'm very proud of my boys lately though. They are all doing what's best for them. And I love them all to death. Everyone's grown up so much since last summer and I'm glad that I've been here for all of it.

Summer update... I have a new job now. I quit Body Shop for various reasons and now I work at Torrid. Torrid is a plus size store in the mall. Everything there is super amazing. You all should visit me one day. I bought a whole bunch of shit today. I bought 8 things for 47 dollars. I was very proud of my bargain hunting, even though I already knew what was on sale because I work there. Then I went to Hot Topic and bought the heels I had told everyone about. (Jenny Says - Cowboy Mouth) They're like snow leopard print, except where the white background would be is rainbow. RAINBOW! I love it. They're so cute. And I get my discount at Hot Topic, too, since it's an all around good time. I fucking love this song.

Continuing... I'm glad it's almost July. The rest of June went by pretty quickly. I'm excited to get back to school and I want the summer to hurry up, but at the same time, I don't want it to pass TOO quickly, you know? I want to read the 6th Harry Potter book before the movie comes out. I haven't read Harry Potter in years. The last one I read was the 5th one. I already know everything that happens in the 6th and 7th ones, but I wanna read them still. I hope I do. I really like reading things like that. I also want to read the two books that follow Rainbow Boys. I know one of them is Rainbow High and I forgot what the other one is called. (God Is A DJ - Pink) I don't seem like the type of person who would read in their spare time, but when I say Harry Potter and Rainbow Boys, no one is surprised. Haha. It's silly.

You know what else is silly? Renee and Jesse came over to my house last night at like 11:45 and we watched the first two episodes of Buffy. Haha. I never thought I would watch Buffy. But it's really pretty interesting. We have 20 quotes from the first 2 episodes. I wrote them down, because I didn't want to tweet all of them. So I tweeted the first one. And then it became HILARIOUS. It was a lot of fun. It's a really interesting show. You should all watch it one time. I don't think I've written about bleaching my hair or getting married. Maybe I did. Well, my husband and I bleached our hair. I love Bryce. So much. He makes me insanely happy.

You know what else makes me insanely happy? For the first time in a while, there is no relationship type drama in the circle. I think everyone is significantly happy with where they are and they don't NEED anyone else but who they already have. I really like that. I'm really proud of you for everything. You know what I mean. (Do It To It - Cherish) I really love you and I really love all my boys, the ones that actually ARE my boys. PS - If anyone wants to say shit about me, say it to my face. Don't complain about how you THINK I feel to someone else when you have NO fucking idea what the hell you're talking about. Nimrod. HA!

I have more to write about but I don't feel like writing anymore, I just haven't updated in a while. Well, all for now...I will continue this later. Thank you for reading, comrades.

xoxo DannDann