Vampires

So let me fucking tell you all about the past fourteen hours of my life....

My three good guy friends in the show (Tyler, Kaleb, Jody) - none of them were at rehearsal. I should have known from the start that this was not going be a good night. Blah Blah Blah rehearsal. Quite possibly one of the most awkward rehearsals that I've had. PS - I don't do awkward. I don't play that game. No me gusta. So it was really awkward around Matt and Darren but for two completely different reasons. Anyway, so I dealt witht that best as I could. Whatever. Then we're leaving and me and Hannah decide that we're going to Matt's house to watch a movie. Oh, but wait! So Hannah leaves and I'm about to pull out of the parking lot and Matt is like, "Hey guess what you have a flat tire." FUCK. So I called Hannah and she came back and until she got there I sat in my car and listened to [title of show] and screamed and cried. It was just not going well for me at all.

So then Hannah gets there and I was very tempted to ask her for a cigarette, but I resisted. Good decision. So I got in her car and talked to Tyler for a bit. Then I called the parents and told them what the deal was and then I got off the phone with mother and I just looked out the window and just started fucking crying. Life is just so overwhelming at the fucking worst possible times. I hate it. So then me and Hannah get to my house and we decide to go to IHOP because that would make life better. We were right. Oh my God, chocolate chip pancakes and scrambled eggs have never made me happier. Then we went back to my house. We talked to Schym on skype about...various topics...Hahaha. I love that boy. Oh! While I'm thinking about it, I want to say how proud I am of him. I really am. I can't wait to see him in Aida. He opened this morning. I left him a voice mail, two texts, and a wall post telling him to break a leg. I love him dearly. So yeah me and Hannah hung out for a while and it made me feel better and then she left and then I talked to Tyler for a bit after that. Then I went to bed at like 5.

I was woken up at 6:30. My father was going to bring me to St. Francis to call AAA and get the tire changed out before he went to work. When did we leave? 45 FUCKING MINUTES LATER, that's when! Why wake me up and tell me to get ready when I very well told you the night before that I needed three minutes to get ready? Period. GAH! So we get to St. Francis at like 7:40ish. Called AAA. I waited on the side of Metairie Road with a lugnut in my hand and Pringles in the other. So it's 7:54 (exactly) and I have nothing to do. So I just start thinking. And for those of you who know [title of show], I heard the vampire (regarding my choices, not so much my Broadway skills). I just stood there, watching the cars drive by, and all I could think of was, "Are you making the right choice? What are you doing? You could possibly be making a huge mistake. Give up."

And of course, three and a half seconds later the AAA pulls up. Fuck. And the whole time he was changing the tire all I could think of was if I was making the right choice or not. So the tire gets changed. I get in my car and I'm driving to Firestone. I put in Paramore (on shuffle, as always), who I haven't listened to in foreverrrr but I love soooo much. It made me think about everything in regards to THE situation. I feel like I'm making the wrong decision, but at the same time I feel like I'm making the right one. He just makes it so hard to not be friends with him. I don't like that he is still trying to be friends with me because acts like nothing happened, like everything is fine. Everything is CLEARLY not fine. I just...God I just want to yell at him for an hour straight. I just don't like what this turned in to and whether this is the right or wrong thing to do, I feel like I have to do it, like actually follow through with it this time because last time I didn't and I went with me heart and where the fuck did that get me? HERE. Right back to Sqaure 1, that's where. It's so goddamn frustrating.

So I got to Firestone and I was there for an hour and a half. Really? Please, next time take LONGER to change my tire. Stupid, stupid, stupid. That was a long time to think as well. I just hate that it's the only thing I can think about. I need to stop thinking about it because the more I think about, the more I question what I'm doing. But then again I don't know if I want to stop questioning what I'm doing it or whether I should question it more. I need to stop typing about this because I keep thinking about it. Stoping. Now.

I need to cash my paycheck. I need money for Aida. Sunday matinee, me and Hannah. Everyone should join us. That would be so much fun and then we could all go get food somewhere and then go to rehearsal. I'm a fucking genius. Yes I am. Oh my. Well this blog feels really fucking long. I think I will stop now, I just had to type out my life for a bit to know that if it's HERE, that it WILL get better. It has to. Die, vampire, die.

xoxo DannDann