Saved by the blog.

So...

Everything has been going on. I've been crazy busy. I would use my weekends to have chill time, but I never actually do it. I love being home because I'm doing something all the time with the people I want to do it with. Sometimes I forget about how much I have to do. Like when that midterm crept up on me yesterday, seeing as how I only found out about it two hours before I had it...which I rocked by the way =] Also, I have three exams next week. Can you say panic? PAAAAAAAAANIC. I can. I have a theatre midterm (comprehensive, of course) next Tuesday, a Political science exam next Wednesday, and a Biology exam next Thursday. So, for myself and my schoolwork, I will be staying in Hammond for the weekend. I haven't stayed up for the weekend probably since April, maybe March. I need to though. And as badly as I want to go home and see everyone and whatnot, I kind of need to stay up and study and clean and sleep and get my shit done. HOWEVER, everyone should visit me. I know this is not likely, but a girl can dream, so calm down. Anyway...

I have a rough draft of an English paper due tomorrow. It's titled "Make an Argument" and we had to go on a library database and find a good (and relevant to society) topic, preferably in the form of a question. First one I saw was "Gays in the military". WINNER. So I emailed my teacher like 25 minutes ago and asked if I could do it, since you have to get your topic approved and it would be dumb to fucking write a five page paper and have researched for hours when you can't even do it. So (hopefully) if he says yes, I already found my four sources I need. I've been in the library for about two and a half hours. I printed up four articles, altogether which use up FIFTY-THREE pages of paper. I have to read all of these pages and choose what I want to say from them, so after I get off the computer I will probably start reading and highlighting, reading and highlighting, reading and highlighting. And then I want to do my works cited and all the techinical stuff, but not write it until tomorrow. That would be too much. If my topic isn't approved, I will be beyond aggravated. Beyooooooond (, to infinity and). Some things I cannot resist.

Continuing... If I had a sense of normalcy in my life, I would say that sense of normalcy is being restored into my life. I've never been one to know (or even like the word) "normal". Seriously... who defines normal? My normal is toooootally different from yours and we both know that, so why categorize one as weird? Sorry. Minitangent. Anyway, what I would consider to be "normal" I guess is coming back. My "normal" is what makes me content, what makes me happy, what makes me...myself. Things are starting to get better, but I don't expect too much. I find that when I expect a lot, I usually get let down, so I try not to do that anymore. I've gotten pretty good at being involved without being too involved. I like being a realist. I like being "that person". So, hopefully hopefully hopefully, my "normal" has been restored.

These past two weeks have been very stressful, but very rewarding and helpful. I have learned that I can't turn in papers late anymore and I can't skip the class in which we review for the midterm. I can't skip class, period. I know I will still, but I am trying to not as much. For instance, in regards to hard work and how it NEEDS to be done in order to succeed, I wanted to go to my room and nap after class. Instead, I came to the library with the intention to blog. I, first, wanted to look up the assignment for my paper just to make sure I knew what I had to do. Then I realized it was going to be more work than I anticipated and I wasn't going to do all of it tomorrow, so I know I NEEDED to do it now, while I was motivated. You make baby tiny sacrifices, like not taking a nap, or not going home for the weekend, but I can promise you that I will clean and study this weekend. Minimal distractions. As much as I hate being stressed out, sometimes it's what I need to show me what I need to do, how to do it, and when to do it.

About 75% of this blog, thusfar has been about school. I never really talk about school that much, unless I'm venting about how I have to do homework. Blah Blah. But, it's weird. I really really really want to get on the right track and I know it will be hard and I know it will be a lot of work, but I know I have the right people to support me and the right mind to be practical about what needs to happen. I feel intelligent. I AM intelligent. A genius, if you will. A queen, if you will. I miss Chase. I miss Bryce a lot too. I talked to him on Skype today and even though I can't see him since doesn't have a webcam, it's really good that I talk to him frequently. He really makes me laugh and I love that. Like crying laughing. Not many people can make me do that on a minute basis and then the next night have a deep life conversation with me. I didn't mean to get all sappy or anything, but, fuck, he IS my husband, and I AM allowed to miss him a lot, which I do. But he makes me happy no matter where he is. Love you, hubby.

I feel so much better after blogging. Much more confident about school I guess. I feel like I've been writing for a while. Cross your fingers and say a prayer that my topic is approved. Thanks for listening. Until next time lovers...

xoxo DannDann