When you wish upon a star...

So I've been in the library for over two hours and I'm just frustrated. I'm just really fucking frustrated. And I don't know why. So I figured, I would just vent at my blog before I went back to my room to watch Glee.

I've been trying and trying and fucking trying for a month now to get my school life back on track. I've ONLY skipped once in almost five weeks. That's a pretty fucking big accomplishment if you ask me. I'm turning in everything on time, I'm doing my homework, I'm making flashcards, I'm typing my notes, I'm studying. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do as a good student...so why am I not seeing a dramatic shoot up in my grades? I know that I waited for the last two months of school to actually give a fuck. And I know that's a stupid idea. I know how much I'm doing and I know how it's about a million percent more than what I did the beginning of this semester or all of last year, and I know it's hard work and I know it will pay off eventually. But I'm not seeing it pay off yet and it's just really difficult to put forth so much FUCKING effort and not really see anything yet.

Also, I feel very out of place. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the library. I don't belong in my dorm. I don't belong in my house. I don't belong anywhere. I don't know where I belong and that, in itself, is frustrating. Not just the fact that I can't find the place that I'm looking for, but that I can't find a place at all. And THAT is aggaravating. Sometimes I really just wish I had my car and I could just drive. Just drive to some place that would feel...right. I just want to be somewhere where my best IS good enough, where my hard work DOES pay off, where I am APPRECIATED. I just want to find that place. So fucking bad.

I'm just so frustrated and so unhappy. And everyone, including myself, has too many things to do to really try to fix it. The majority of my friends don't keep in touch with each other anymore. I hate that. I wish things were back to the way they used to be. I wish we all still needed each other. I wish we all still wanted to need each other. I wish for a lot of things. Guess there's just a lack of stars lately...

xoxo DannDann