Tolerance (ps - my 2nd paragraph owns)

Tolerance. What a tricky thing. Before my class this morning I just thought about how everyone is connected in some way that none of us ever think about. Example A - college. There will be a good amount of people I become friends with, a good amount of people I become enemies with, and an infinite amount of people I will never even know, nonetheless see. But we all go to the same place which means we all must want something in common. Whether it be what we want to pursue or the fact that we love this school or maybe it's just the fact that we want to go to college. I see people walking around who I would never see myself getting to know. But we are all linked together.

Example B (I really liked when I noticed this one) - I was sitting outside D Vic 240 and waiting for my teacher to get there. I was like 20 minutes early. Everyone kept walking in and out of the door to go to class or leave class. That door has the most fucking annoying noise ever. I thought, I may never see any of these people again, and if I do, I probably won't realize I saw them. Common factor - we all walk through that door. We all start the day with that door. We walk through that door with frustration, with anticipation, with drowsiness, with energy, with coffee in hand, with a smile, with the intention to meet people, with the intention to learn how to sleep with our eyes open, with hopes of not being late, with eyes rolling, with hearts beating as fast or slow as they feel like beating. We all, different as we may be, enter that door.

So I thought about this while taking notes. It made me think of this weekend. So much has happened this weekend, mainly in the last 24 hours I was home. I've become a lot closer and a lot more frustrated with quite a few people. I had no idea how much I missed Kaleb until I came here. That didn't really fit into a generalized category of how I feel about everyone, so I figured the only way to say it was seperately...oh well. Anyway, so this weekend was amazing. So many good things happened, even though bad things were sprinkled in every now and then. So I kept thinking about all my friends and how I basically know them through theatre. 8 of my 9 best friends are in theatre. Whether or not I hate or love the people I did shows with this summer, we all have that common link. We all love to be on stage. It's what we do.

Now, we come back to my first word of this blog. Tolerance. Just because you have so much or so little in common with someone, just because you have to be around them, just because you have to share that certain experience, or even just because you love them...does that mean you have to tolerate the bullshit they give you? It makes me wonder. It surprises me when my straightforwardness surprises my close friends. I'm a bitch, I know. I say the things I say for a reason. I give off vibes by accident RARELY. Even if someone is my best friend, someone I love and care about till I fall off the face of the earth, do I have to put up with the stupid shit they give me? I get the whole "you should focus on the good and not the bad" thing. Really, I do. But realistically, I don't like when people piss me off because they know that they can. If they have a reason, a legitimate reason, go ahead. But I just don't think I should have to put up with all the bullshit that I usually put up with. I have other people. You are not the only one. You couldn't be replaced, but I'm sure as fuck that there are other people who treat me better. What happens when I sit back and have to ask myself if the good really does outweigh the bad? And the thing that sucks, is that I am not surprised that the question is about you.

I don't know what to do about that. I really don't. I wonder every fucking day if I made the right decision or not and as time goes on, I'm thinking more and more that I should have chosen differently. I just don't want to get let down anymore. I have too much going on, especially as of yesterday. I don't want to have to schedule in time to deal with drama from people I don't even see that much anymore. Tolerance...what a tricky thing indeed.

xoxo DannDann