Vessels

It really amazes me how quickly one little thing can change how I'm feeling.

There are always a series of emotions that I contain within myself. There is always a lot of sadness, a lot of happiness, a lot of anger, and a lot of excitement. Usually, all it takes is one minor incident to decide which emotion I tap in to. Say I were to tap into sadness, that doesn't mean that all of my other emotions are gone, it just means that they are not up at bat.

I get very frustrated with people very quickly and I usually just try to brush it off depending on the importance of the situation. If I am approached with something I do not want to talk about, I usually try to keep conversation at a minimum and continue to avoid all possible topics relating to such a conversation. Say someone says something to me that I feel is completely unneccesary, and I get upset. Then I would tap into sadness and anger (or whatever emotions come with what was said) and I kind of explode. And it's not even that I'm extremely mad about what I'm saying that I'm mad about, it's just that the one thing that makes me upset and angry, leads me to use all of the emotion I have (whatever it may be about), and sometimes it is used incorrectly. It makes sense to me.

Then when an event, similar in size, but different in emotion happens, it puts me back in check. It lets me close the vessels of negative emotion and open the positive emotions. Therefore, I realize that what had been bothering was not bothering me as much as I conveyed that it was. I do get frustrated, and most of the time, I do have the right to be. However, I often overuse emotion (no matter how justified the emotion may be) and then I become frustrated and I just make it more difficult to clearly convey what I am thinking and feeling. I realize that this is a problem. I realize that I need to work on it, but for now, it is what it is.

I don't want anyone to change themselves, and if I did, I just would stop being friends with them. I love my friends. I love them because they are the way they are. But love is not perfection, nor do I expect it to be. I do not expect my friends to be perfect and I do not expect my friends to not become frustrated with me, just as I become frustrated with them. Frustration and anger and sadness are all a part of life, as is happiness. I do tend to let the scale weigh heavier on the negative emotions that I feel instead of the happy ones. I will try to even it out. But just know that I love you all as you are. And know that I am sorry for incorrectly conveying my emotions and letting frustration get the best of me. That is all for now.

xoxo DannDann