Those people

So I really should be writing my paper, but I feel like writing this instead. I have to write that paper for sure today. I was supposed to have written this paper LAST Sunday, seeing as how it was due LAST Monday. That's my main worry in life right now - school. I dropped English, there was no way I could have passed that class. I'm not worried about any of my Comm classes. I'm a little worried about History though. It's alright. It will be fine. I suppose so. I took the exam this morning and I think I did well so the only thing that will really bring me down is this paper being so late. But all is well, I will be able to survive.

My weekend was amazing, much better than I thought it would be. I saw RENT on Friday. It was really good. Then I came home and I thought my plans for the rest of the weekend were ruined until Saturday afternoon. My purpose of this blog, relates to that, but I will discuss that after I finish informing the world of my weekend. So then I met up with Casi and we went to NINETEEN places last night. No exaggeration. Casi got her tattoo. It's beautiful. Then we went to Le Petite to tell Jody, Blythe, and Kaleb hello. I'm soooo glad I saw Kaleb. I miss him so much, much more than I ever thought I would. I love that boy. Then we eventually found our way to Howlin Wolf and then we went back to Le Petite after with Matt and Rachel. I'm glad I saw them too. They're always fun. Matt had to bring Rachel home and then it was just me, Casi, Jody, Blythe, and Kaleb. We met up with Kevin (Kaleb's amazing brother) at The Pub on Bourbon. Oh my God. We are some drunk bitches. That is all that needs to be said about that. I had soooo much fun. Who came up with the idea of going to Bourbon? DANDAN that's who. What a good decision!


So my weekend was amazing. And it almost wasn't because I almost let something insignificantly stupid get in the way. Something that, in the end, doesn't matter. Something that shouldn't even bother me. Something really pointless and not worth letting my weekend be ruined. And so begins the message of this blog...


This has been something that has become increasingly hard for me to take my own advice on. There will always be that person, that something, that obstacle, that situation that will get in the way of making yourself happy. There will always be that something. While I was thinking that this something was going to ruin my weekend, I was talking to one of my friends. It made me reconsider things when he said "Why are you going to let that get in the way of things you would normally do?" He was right. And all I could think about after that was "There is more to life than that something." There really is. It's hard to let go of something or someone you care about or once did. It's very hard. But in the end, if that something won't be there, there's nothing you can do but move on.

That's been so hard for me lately. Over the past month and a half, practically all of my friendships have changed. Some for the better, some for the worse, some for both. Figuring out who to let go of has been such a challenge. There was someone I wanted to see this weekend when I was in town. And I wanted to see them pretty badly...but I didn't. And as much as I wanted to see them all weekend, when I woke up in Casi's dorm on Sunday morning and thought about how great my weekend was...I really didn't mind that I didn't get to see that person. I really didn't mind much at all. There's more to life than that person. There will always be more to life than that person. You will undoubtedly have that person that will always be a part of you, that has made you who you are, that you can't let go of. We all have that person. But honestly, we were surviving before those people came along. Maybe we weren't surviving as well as we were when they were here, but we were surviving.

And it's so frustrating, probably more frustrating than it should be. But it happens. Shit happens. Life happens. People will be there when you cry. People will be the reason you are crying. It doesn't always end well but if we spend all of our time focusing on what our lives used to be, then we can't spend time on figuring out how much better our lives could be without the drama. YOU. You can't let go of that person. And as much as everyone (even you) sees that this person is slowly but surely causing you to lose your sanity, you still hold on. There is more to life than that person. There is more to life than hoping for them to love you as much as you love them. There is more to life than being let down and knowing that the same thing will happen and not stopping it. There is more to life than that person. I just wanted to tell YOU that YOU are better than wasting your time thinking about your person all the time.

ME. There will always be those people in my life. The people who are assholes, who constantly remind you of how much they hate you for something you didn't even do, who want to see you hurt, who don't care about you even though they once did, who feel the need to keep letting you know that they don't need you despite the fact that's it is completely unnecessary - those people. The people who you don't know if you can have, who used to be your best friends, who you used to tell everything to, who you can barely talk to now, who make you cry just by thinking about them, who change your world on a daily basis, who you want things to be okay with but you know they most likely won't be - those people. There is more to life than those people. Hard as it may be to let go, sometimes you just have to say "fuck it. whatever happens, happens." That's all that you can do is focus on what's here and now and where you're going. And know that there is more to life than those people. There is always more to life than those people.

xoxo DannDann

Such as grand, wonderful, swell, and splendid

May I just start this blog saying that this morning's stream of Tweets was very amusing. I was in the library when I read them all and they just made my morning seem very swell. I have a midterm in 30 minutes and I don't feel like studying anymore. It's easy. We has ONE class of notes. It's silly. I need to stop procrastinating though. It's Wednesday and I've been having to write a paper since Sunday night. Needless to say, I have yet to write it. It's on a book I didn't read. I have had the Sparknotes window open on my computer since Saturday...and nothing done yet.

I had a miraculous phone conversation the other night. You all most likely know what it was by now if you know ANYTHING about my life. Haha. It makes me really ridiculously happy. I can't wait for the rest of this week. Not even just the weekend. After today, life will be less stressful. I have a midterm and a paper to write and then I think I'm okay. I don't really have any other worries in regards to school that I know about. I dropped English. It was killing me. So that's a relief. I'm buying some pink hair dye today so we can redo it tomorrow. It's sooo funny. You can see where the bleached parts of my hair are very very noticably now. Haha. Did I spell noticably correctly? I think so. Not sure. Anyway... so that phone call was definitely positive in pretty much every way possible.

I keep glancing over at my school bag on the table to make sure no one steals it. HA! How silly. I should probably keep studying but I will do that in a few minutes. I've only been typing for five minutes, calm down. So tomorrow I'm redying my hair and then I'm going to see a play. A PLAY. A FUCKING PLAY!!! My first real hint of theatre here. The people I'm seeing it with are dreading it and I was like, "OH MY GOD! WHERE AND WHEN?" Go figure. I miss it soooo much. You don't even know. And then I think I'm going out aaaaaafter the play. I wanna go to the Buzz since everyone is all happy with each other now, but I want to go to Cade Street because that's where Nicco will be, therefore, that's where TREVOR will be. Mmmmgirl. Loveit. I think I will probably end up going to the Buzz. Oh well. Cade Street next week?

Then Friday I'm coming home for the weekend and getting lunch with Mattie! I'm sooo excited. I miss him so much. Matthias, I miss you so much. Haha. Then I'm seeing RENT that night and hopefully meeting up with Casi afterwards to celebrate her leaving Forever 21. Saturday I shall spend with the family and then that night with Casi. There's space in between so I want to see lots of people! Lots and lots! Oh my, writing has put me in a splendid mood. I like using synonyms for good such as grand, wonderful, swell, and splendid. It makes me feel pleasantly different. Pleasant is another one. Loveit. Good just sounds so blah, don't you agree? I only really say good when I'm screaming it sarcastically. Someone - "I overslept." Me - "GOOD!" Haha. I'm such a silly person. I like it. Have a beautiful day lovers!!!

xoxo DannDann

Because of that

For the past week I have wished for the same thing at 11:11. Life is one big wish, one big hope, one big dream, one big unexpected blur. Life is...life. I've thought so much in the past month, I'm surprised my brain hasn't exploded. I realized that there are only two people in the entire world who understand me. I love that. I love them. I think it is a bit silly that I keep wishing on 11:11, since I'm trying to do the whole "expect the unexpected, let whatever happens happen" thing. But old habits die hard and wishing at 11:11 doesn't hurt anything. I like my life. It's weird. Me and Kaylen haven't been on that great of terms lately. I don't really mind. Darra has become my closest friend here. I didn't think I cared about her as much as I did. We talked for 5 hours Thursday night. It was amazing.

I miss listening to this song. Coffee by Copeland. I got it from Adrienne. I miss her. I miss how things used to be, but as time goes on, I'm learning to accept that things are different and probably won't ever be the same. They don't need to be. Things will either get better or worse or they won't matter. And that's okay. Even though it gets lonely, I like staying up here on the weekends by myself. I was supposed to see a speaker this morning, that was the whole reason I couldn't come down this weekend. Of course, I didn't go. I was mad when I realized I forgot, but to tell you the truth, I don't really mind.

I am constantly surprised by people, including by myself. I look at the pictures on my wall and I think of how I've changed since I've become friends with each of them. It's miraculous. Thinking about where I was a year ago is so weird. I was best friends with Rachel and Mindy. God, things have changed. And even more recent...eight months ago. February 4th - Oh my God. I was having withdrawals from Actor's Worst Nightmare. That was when being on stage came back into my life. I had just dyed my hair a few days before when I was drunk and with Olivia after Endymion. I didn't hate Barissa. I didn't know half the people I was close to over the summer. I was skipping Calculus, most likely. I was still distraught over what had happened between me and Rachel and the table began to realize that we hated the other people who sat there. Haha.

Six months ago. April 4th - We only had a few weeks before Godspell opened. It was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I was closest to Blythe and Casi. I was flipping my shit about Senior year ending. I think I had JUST decided I was going to Southeastern. I was very different. Four moths ago. June 4th - I was turning eighteen in ten days. I was in Cinderella and really fucking excited. I considered Sami one of my best friends. I became insanely close to Matt, Hannah, and Tyler. The Diamond of BOGs. Phah. Jambo. That was an era. Haha. I loved it. Summer was finally there and I couldn't have loved anyone more than I did already. I was so happy with where I was and with who was with me.

Two months ago. August 4th - I was moving to Hammond in eleven days and all I could do was cry because I didn't want to leave people. I didn't want anything to change. I knew it was going to and I was scared as fuck. We were doing Pajama Game. I became close to Kaleb, I didn't hate Darren (like I thought I had previously). We rescued Marty [I thought a lot about that day today]. Everything was perfect and I wanted everything to stay the way it was forever. I was about to have done 4 shows in seven and a half months and I was so pleased with my life. Today. Things are different. And as unhappy as I have been in the past month, I'm happy now. Overall, I'm happy. I know I'm doing okay. I know I have written about this a lot, but it's so weird to sit here and think about how my life has changed in the past year.

I have become the person I am because of you. Because of her. Because of him. Because of that song. Because of that night. Because of that trip to Taco Bell. Because of that phone call. Because of that cryfest. Because of those ten days. Because of what you wrote. Because of that basket. Because of that drunk night. Because of that distance. Because of those pictures. Because of that fight. Because of that video. Because of that laugh. Because of that sombrero. Because of those clothes I borrowed. Because of that yell. Because of that costume. Because of that dance. Because of that day it hailed. Because of that tantrum. Because of those aviators. Because of those baby tiny coffee pots. Because of that view. Because of those ripped jeans. Because of that cherry limeade from Sonic. Because of that time we made out on the side of Nick's truck. Because of those pictures in the bathroom. Because of that kiss. Because of that time I confessed my love for you. Because of those AIM conversations. Because of that time I slapped you. Because of that purple butterfly. Because of our adventures to the boat launch. Because of that elevator. Because of those Chinet napkins. Because of that tye dying kit. Because of that face. Because of that gay closet. Because of church on my birthday. Because of those white canvas shoes. Because of Baja FUCKING Blast. Because of that time I thought you were dead. Because of that time we casted that movie. Because of that trip to Puccino's. Because of mitten feet. Because of that conversation we had about porn. Because of those headphones. Because of that apron. Because of that quickchange. Because of that bread girl. Because of those khaki shorts. Because of you.

Because of you. You know which ones are yours. You know which ones aren't. Maybe things are different. Maybe they are the same. Maybe I don't know where the fuck we stand, but it was good. It made me happy, most likely, it still does. All of you have made me who I am today, and even though we may not be as good as we used to be, I don't regret one second of one memory that I have with you. I like who I am. I like who you have made me. Thank you for that.

xoxo DannDann

Racing With The Clock

Oh my goodness! I seem to have lost all the time in the world that I needed! I have to finish my degree plan, which was due this morning and is 10% of our grade, and I have NO IDEA what the hell I'm doing. I'm in the library and I will probably be here for the next two hours as I try to figure out the next FOUR YEARS of my life by myself. It is, indeed, stressful. Comm 101 is where my life crumbles right in front of my eyes. Examples: this whole degree plan thing, my MIDTERM is in ONE week and she just told us TODAY, and I found out that I can't go home this weekend because of an assignment in that class. Grrr. And to top it all off, I have a huge ass English test tomorrow on an EPIC NOVEL which I have YET to read.

I don't know what I am going to do. And still, I find myself here, wasting my time on the internet, writing a blog about how frustrated I am. I went to the Center for Student Excellence (Help Center) but the girl who was supposed to be there to help me with my degree plan wasn't there. I walked like 20 minutes across campus and when I get there she's not even there! It was indeed quite frustrating. I'm being responsible today though, I guess. I finally got a printout of all of my expenses at school. I've been meaning to do that for like three weeks. And I'm going to be in the library until I finish my degree plan. I probably won't end up getting back to my dorm until about TEN! My degree plan won't end up being finished for another two hours at least, and then I will probably just eat dinner out here and come back to the library to study for English with Ashley. Neither of us know what we are doing. We will be here for a while.

Oh fuck, I thought I left my English binder in my room, but I just checked and I have it. Phew. That was close. Oh FUCK! And I have to prepare my speech that I have tomorrow and I haven't even started. I think I will do that when I finish this. And THEN I have to study for a quiz that I have tomorrow for the class right after the class that I am giving the speech in. These next 24 hours are going to be brutal. Let's recap, shall we? This is more for me, than for you. So you don't have to read the rest of this paragraph if you don't want to. You actually don't have to read anything if you don't want to. Never you mind! To do: finish blog, write speech, look up courses in catalog, degree plan, eat, study, go back to my room, shower, study, look over speech, look over notes for other class, sleep, wakeup super fucking early, give speech, take quiz, eat, study, English exam, English lecture. THAT is the next 24 1/2 hours of my life. I. Am. Going. To. Die.

I'm already exhausted. It is too much. And I know I will probably end up talking to Casi and Olivia for a good couple of hours about how I have NO TIME. Which is stupid because talking will take up my time. But I need to talk to people. Oh God, I am so tired. This shall be an adventure. PS - I wanted crawfish really really fucking bad today. I was excited because I was going to get some crawfish this weekend when I came in town, but then ten minutes later I remembered I can't come down this weekend. So now I have to wait till next weekend. Oh, and I left my fucking camera at home. Last week > this week. Bar none.

xoxo DannDann

Expect the unexpected

Things are very unexpected nowadays. I never thought I would be telling myself to "expect the unexpected" and have it mean something completely different than when I usually say it. That's what I have learned to do lately, to expect the unexpected. Everyone has their own life. Everyone has secrets. Everyone has something they want to keep to themselves. That's okay. It's weird though when I know something about a person and they don't know that I know it. I am that person though. I always want to confirm it with them. I need to stop doing that. Right now, there are so many things I want to talk about, but none of which I am supposed to know. It's silly. It's okay that I'm not supposed to know them, but I know them is what it boils down to. Hmm. I will just have to keep those to myself. That will be my secret...knowing everyone else's.

I loooove how I worded that. I seem to be moving way the fuck forward with people I hadn't expected to and way the fuck back with people I hadn't expected to either. I know I've fucked up recently with one person. I don't like that. While talking to that person last night, they made me realize that I really do question everything. I know I always overanalyze things and I know how everyone says that when I think, it's bad (because usually, it is). But I think too much about everything. Especially, lately. I think I have been given fair reason to doubt things but I think I've doubted things that should not have been doubted. At the same time, I think I have put too much trust in others (different people from the person I was previously talking about, just to clarify). It's difficult to tell where things will go from here.

I want to have a conversation tonight with one of my friends, but I know that if I do, it will be very very very hard for me to not be that person as I had previously stated that I am. I want to talk to them though, so we shall see how it goes. I don't know how this upcoming weekend is going to be. I'm coming home, but I think this weekend will be very different than last weekend. To tell you the truth, I think I should just stop guessing what will happen. Expect the unexpected. Fersure. But anyway, after this upcoming weekend, I think I will wait a while before I come in town again and if I come in town, I might just stay home. How lame. I'm well aware. Distance is a good thing.

I got a little bit upset with Olivia today. She was kind of being a bitch earlier and then I was like, "Well this is awkward, I'm gonna go." And that was that. It was weird. She apologized later, which I didn't expect (exactly! UNEXPECTED! What a shocker.) but I laughed. I can never be mad at her. I love it. I need to see her soon too! Oh my. I reorganized my pictures into a big "clusterfuck of memories" as Kaleb put it. Haha. Loveit. It looks good. I think I am going to reinstate someone's pictures today. I miss looking at them. They were very good memories. I want people to visit me one weekend. I think you all would love my dorm, my room, my everything. Oh! It is GRAND! I have a bathtub. Check that shit out. :]]

Well I have to research a topic for a speech I have to give on Thursday and I was supposed to be looking over it all weekend. My group meets in 12 minutes and I have yet to start looking. How silly. It will all work fine. Haha. You people need to call me, you silly silly people. Until next time, lovers...

xoxo DannDann

Does that look like a suitable sleeping space for a HUMAN?!?!?

This weekend has been one of the most interesting weekends I have had. I was so excited all week that I was coming in and that some people were actually finally excited to see me. I miss that. Some people's reactions when they saw me surprised me more than others. Matthew's. Haha. Me - "Matthew, why do you keep touching my arms?" Matthew - "I just wanna touch ya! I haven't touched ya in forever!" I loved it. It made me really really happy. :]]

Anyway...so Friday we went to Jody's. We got really drunk and I ended up talking to Casi the entire night. We cried at some point but it worked out. That hug is probably the best thing that has happened to me in the past three weeks. Well, the conversation that took place during that hug. I needed that. So much. I'm worried that it's going to change based on the company that we are in, but I'm so glad it happened. A few people who were there got high. I think it's interesting how...ah. Fuck you, Dani. Nevermind. Ha! That was stupid. Continuing, so it was fun. A lot of people puked, but not me. A lot of people have bronchitis. I don't know if I do. I didn't hook up with anyone but I drank after someone who hooked up with someone who has bronchitis. No names. Ha! Don't you FUCKING love it? I hope you screamed that.

So then me, Casi, Blythe, Rachel, Monique, and Jody went to Parrot Pete's (oh my God, deliciousssss *sung*) and had a nice little lunch. Then after that we bought oranges and went to Casi's. Oh my God, I kept leaving my shit in everyone's cars. I left my bag in Mo's car, the oranges in Jody's car, and later I left my bag in Mimi's car. How silly. So anyway, we got to Casi's and chilled. Then we went to Mo's for like 2.712 seconds and I changed, then we left for Rivertown. We got there pretty much the same time as JoJo. Our tickets were supposed to work out, but they didn't, but then we made them work out. Haha. Beautiful.

Oh fuck. Miss Saigon was soooo good. I cried for pretty much ALL of the second half of Act 2. I was so proud of my boys (Aladdin anyone?) for their work. I miss them sooo much. But, oh my God, it was so fucking good. Everyone should go see it if they can. Aaaaah. It was just sooo good. Then we went to Tebbe's and Sarah Jackson's party. That was cute. I got to see a bunch of people I didn't think I would see and it was so good to see them. I was glad we went. Then after that, me, Casi, Jody, Blythe, Matt, Kaleb, and Tyler came to my house and we watched Disney movies. Holy fuck. Little Mermaid = best. casting. ever. HAAAAAAAAAAAA! You don't even know! It was so funny. That was a really, really good group of people. And we are all going to Disney World next summer. Hahaha. Oh how I wish. But it was definitely a lot of fun. So Matt, Kaleb, and Tyler left around 3 or something and then it was just the four of us.

I started thinking (and we all know how helpful THAT can be) and got a bit upset about a couple of things. Whatever. I don't want to write about it really. Sorry if you were interested. Ha? Anyway, so I went upstairs at like 4 and then Casi came up to my room at like 4:30 and we talked for a bit. Then she went back downstairs so they could watch Hercules or something, I think. I don't know when they went to bed though. All I know is that they are upstairs all passed the fuck out in the extra bedroom. Haha. It's funny. I think I might take a picture. Loveit.

I'm really glad Casi convinced me to come in this weekend. Despite being a bit upset last night after all was done, I had a really fucking good time this weekend and I'm so glad I came here. I like where things are and I like where things are going. I like that I saw Adam Segrave and almost fucking died. I love that boy sooo much. But yes, anyway, well now I'm going back upstairs. I hope you all enjoyed my lovely writing. Haha. Stay classy.

xoxo DannDann

SuperDani and the Flying Quesadilla of Strength

Hello, lovers. I hope all is well in everyone's lives. How I feel surprises me all the time. Haha! How stupid does that sound? But it's very true. I got to talk to Kaleb the other night on the phone. I forgot to write about that. I was really glad I got to talk to him. I miss that boy o so much. So it was very refreshing to talk to him that night. I talked to Matt last night on AIM for the first time in like two weeks. I'm so glad I did. It made me really happy to talk to him again. I think things are going well...with everything, not just in regards to two people I hadn't talked to in a while.

I finally got Youtube to upload my video last night! It's completely wonderful. You ALL should watch it. haHA! That must be said with emphasis on the second ha. Good. So yes, I'm coming in Friday and I'm ridiculously excited. I haven't been home in three weeks and I think when I come home this time it will definitely be better than it was three weeks ago. How silly. Friday night I know Jody wants to get a bunch of people together. I hope that works out. As long as people are there (and I don't care if its three people or three THOUSAND people) I would love to be there. So I hope I hang out with people Friday. I would very much like to do that. :) Then Saturday is "SuperDani and the Quesadilla of Flying Strength" day. You don't even know. I'm soooo excited!!! Then hopefully Casi and I are going to see Miss Saigon on Saturday. We have tickets. I'm trying to see if I can get Jody one now as I type! I hope I can, I don't know if it's sold out yet though. Hmmm. :/

I'm putting up more pictures on my wall, I guess reinstating would be a better word, I think so... however, I could be terribly wrong. Haha. Some new ones are up though. I have Nametag, Nicco, Mia, Heather, and the Original 5 (hahaha lunch table!) up now on the wall. I have to put up Kaylen though. I know what spot she's going in. I put new pictures in frames too. :) It makes me super happy. I'm not gonna lie, I really really really like my life right now. I can't believe I got a fucking B on my History exam!!! Thank Christ for a 10 point grading scale. HA! Well, I'm off to class but I shall talk to you crazy kids soon, I hope! Lovelovelove!

xoxo DannDann