It's A Waiting Game, Really.

First things first - Happy birthday Matther.

Moving on...there has been far too much drama to start the year with. I really am just sick of it all. I had a really big talk with Casi last night about it. It's just extremely frustrating to see how so many people can be so selfish all at the same time. I don't know what I'm going to do, honestly. I've never been so confused with my thoughts on this situation. This has always been a situation, just never so serious. I just wish people would grow up. I guess that's all I have to say about that anymore without getting into everything.

So I told my parents about the car. For those of you who don't know this happened about 2 1/2 weeks ago, when I got in the accident. It wasn't that bad at all. It could have been much much worse. As of right now, I can't drive. Duh. And I don't have my phone. I don't know when I'm getting my phone back. My mom told me today that I can't go anywhere until I clean and I'm hoping that's all I have to do to be able to go places. I won't be able to drive for a very long time. And I think I'm okay with that. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am. I just want to be able to see Anything Goes this weekend and go to Bryce's Scavenger Hunt. I haven't seen anyone (other than an unplanned visit to EJ Land) since Bryce's house on New Years Day. Oh my. I just hope everything works out.

I'm completely ready to go back to Hammond. As much as I write about how I love my New Orleans friends and I miss them and I want to hang out with them before I leave, I just really want to leave. I want to go back to Hammond. I like it there a lot. Even though one of my closest friends won't be at school anymore, I know I will still be happy there. I want to get back in school mode, with a schedule, knowing that I can see whoever I want whenever I want. 8 more days and I'm there. I'm thrilled!

I guess I should clean today, or tomorrow I guess, while the parents are at work. I finally hooked up the tv in my room and put away all my shit from school...which was probably dumb since I have to repack everything in a week. But hey, if it means enjoying this last week more, then I'm for it. I've been terribly bored lately. All I've done is play the Sims and watch movies. This is probably due to the fact that I've been under some form of house arrest, but still, I get lonely. I want someone to call me or visit me or whatever. Just because I don't have my phone, doesn't mean I want you to forget about me. :[

xoxo DannDann

Happy New Year, right?

I need to stop giving people so many chances. That's bold. That's true. I let everyone else drive the metaphorical car that belongs to my life and I always sit in the passenger seat. I let them control the music, the air, the lights, the windshield wipers, everything. I need to drive it myself and only let people ride with me when I want to. As much as I love having those "passengers" - those passengers either end up being backseat drivers or passenger seat drivers...and I let them be. Maybe I just need to get in that car and drive around by myself...just drive to nowhere. No, drive to a boat launch, but one really far away.



Maybe I need to not drive for a while. Maybe I should just stay where I am every once in a while. As much as I love that drive and those passengers, I need to know how to be happy when I'm not driving. I always need to be driving that car. I always need to be in that car. I always need to be with those passengers. I forgot how to live my life with no passengers, no ride, no car.



That's one of my New Year's resoultions - forget about the car. Forget about the accomodations. And remember how to be happy without them.



xoxo DannDann

EXCITEMENT AAAAAAAAAAH!

wannadanta4sho: KALEB!
wannadanta4sho: HELLO!
wannadanta4sho: gdwyebfjcnudsifhnewiun IM SO EXCITED FOR TONIGHT
wannadanta4sho: WAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUH
wannadanta4sho: ive been cleaning all day
wannadanta4sho: let me tell you about it
wannadanta4sho: since youre not responding
wannadanta4sho: i will tell you anyway, no bother
wannadanta4sho: so i was supposed to clean my room today
wannadanta4sho: and low and behold, i end up cleaning, but i clean everything BUT my room
wannadanta4sho: i clean the den
wannadanta4sho: the kicthen
wannadanta4sho: the downstairs bathroom
wannadanta4sho: the upstaird bathroom
wannadanta4sho: the extra bedroom
wannadanta4sho: even my PARENTS bedroom
wannadanta4sho: i made their bed, folded their clothes, ORGANIZED THEIR SHOES
wannadanta4sho: did their laundry
wannadanta4sho: did MY laundry
wannadanta4sho: took a shower
wannadanta4sho: painted my nails
wannadanta4sho: and now im taking a break and
wannadanta4sho: then
wannadanta4sho: im gonna go eat dinner with my madre
wannadanta4sho: and then hannahs coming over at SEVEN
wannadanta4sho: and were gonna hang out until we go to jodys LATER
wannadanta4sho: where I will get to see YOU
wannadanta4sho: WHOOOOOOHOOOOOO
wannadanta4sho: I AM SO EXCITED
wannadanta4sho: I CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF
wannadanta4sho: KALEB THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!

I have far too much energy. Tonight is going to be soooo good!

xoxo DannDann

Eighty thousand is an understatement. There are too many thoughts streaming through my head, none of which I can grab a hold of. What is this? What is any of this? What does it mean? I don't know. I keep turning a corner to find a street full of potholes and cardboard boxes in my way. When I get to the end of the block and go inside for safety, it's a place I can't trust. "That's what life is - a series of rooms. And the people you get stuck in those rooms with makes up who you are." No one ever distinguished which rooms were safe, no one ever distinguished which rooms were comfortable or awkward or empty or quiet or not the rooms you wanted.

I find myself to be overwhelmed on a daily basis with all of the things I am concerned with. I try to put them aside and forget about it. I surround myself with others to get these things off of my mind, and in the end, those things are still there. I can't get away from them. Even when I deal with them, they're still there. I second guess everything and I hate that, absolutely hate that. I almost don't know what I want anymore. And it's not even about not knowing what I want, it's about not knowing if I can have the things I want. Sometimes I just want to give up. Sometimes I just want to run. Sometimes I just want to scream. Sometimes I just want the little things that used to make me happy to return. Sometimes I just want to know how I feel about people without questioning it. Sometimes I just want you to show me who you are.

xoxo DannDann

Revolution

I'm ready to make a difference. I want to show you something you will never forget. I want to be that memory that you will always have, that person you will always remember. I want to die knowing that something was different because I was involved. I want to change things and make them better. I want to paint the town red. I want to pretty the world. I don't know what my action will be, what my change will be, what effect I will have on people, how people will remember me - I don't know, but I know I want to have one. I want to be the reason something changes. I want to make people think. I want to make a statement. I want to lead a movement. I want to be in charge. I want to start a revolution.

Dream big, Dani.

And that's exactly what I plan to do.

xoxo DannDann

Mewwi Cweezmaaaz Beeches

Waaaalaalaalaalaaaaaaah! It's Christmas!

Waaaalaalaalaalaaaaaaah! I GOT A CAMERA!

:D

Tick tick tick

It goes on. It all goes on whether you're there or not. Seconds still fly. Money is still exchanged. People still have fun. It all goes on.

Everyone is just a second in a minute, a second in an hour, a second in a day, a second in a week, a second in a month, a second in year. Everyone is a second. No wonder fish feel so small...there are so many of them. How does each second know it's relevant? If that second weren't there, there's another one before it and another after it. Time keeps going with an endless amount of seconds. An endless amount of ticks.

Every question is not answered. There is another question before it, another after. Do they all matter? Do all the seconds matter? Who sits and watches the time go by, who notices the difference in each minute, who wishes time stood still, who lets it fly by? That second that just passed and that one and that one and that one, did you notice it, did you appreciate it?

Time is always there, always in front of you, but no one sits there and appreciates all that makes it up. Even the man who puts together a watch, after a while it's just putting wheels together and making sure the hands tick perfectly, but not the appreciation of the seconds individually. Not the seconds on the watch, not the seconds on the clock, not the seconds of that man's life - they all become insignificant. They all become time. And time always goes on.

He got that phone call.

I didn't.

xoxo DannDann