You build fences for one of two reasons: to keep people out or to keep people in.

xoxo DannDann

Hell week

So this is just a baby tiny blog that I'm writing because I'm waiting for Hallie to finish her math homework online. For further reference of Hallie, check one of my recent Dailybooth pictures. She's coming home with me for Halloween weekened, so you will all get to meet her. That reminds me that I have to start making my Halloween costume. It's gonna be fiyaaaa.

So I thought this weekend was gonna blow but I've had so much fun (minus being sick and getting in really loud, really intense drunken screaming fights over the phone at 3 in the morning...) and I liked it. I can't wait to see Monique next weekend. I miss her a lot. My head hurts. I didn't do any school work and I'm kind of glad I kept this weekend so chill. I might start making flashcards for theatre tonight or I might just do it tomorrow. I needed this weekend for sure.

Plan for school for the week. Ima be one busy motherfucker. Monday - wake up at ten. Edit/finish paper. Lunch. Paper. English class. Poli sci class. Dinner. Make theatre flashcards. Sleep. Tuesday - wake up at seven. Study theatre flashcards. Theatre class. Take midterm. Lunch. Nap. Biology class. (hopefully blog). Dinner. Make poli sci flashcards. Sleep. Wednesday - wake up at ten. Study poli sci flashcards. Lunch. Study more. English class. Poli sci class. Take exam. Dinner. Make Biology flashcards. Sleep. Thursday - Wake up at nine. Theatre class. Lumch. Study Biology flashcards. Biology class. Take midterm. Dinner. Return to dorm. Cate Street. Friday - wake up at ten. Pack for the weekend. Leave for at eleven fifteen. Get home for twelve. Go to deposition hearing at attorney's office (don't ask.) See people. DIE OF EXHAUSTION.

I just realized how rough this week is going to be. I'm definitely enjoying the end of my Sunday and not doing ANYTHING school related. Don't forget to keep in touch. Call me every now and then. I like it when I'm surprised by communication. Just saying.

xoxo DannDann

You know what I hate? BAD PEOPLE. You know why? BECAUSE THEY FUCKING SUCK.

Stop fucking with people. Where does it get you? All of you...where the fuck does it get you? Why do you do it? Just shut the fuck up and back the fuck off and get realistic. Reality is gonna slap you in the face so goddamn hard one day and I'm not gonna do a damn thing but stand by and watch. You know why? Because you FUCKING deserve every second of it.

Period.

Saved by the blog.

So...

Everything has been going on. I've been crazy busy. I would use my weekends to have chill time, but I never actually do it. I love being home because I'm doing something all the time with the people I want to do it with. Sometimes I forget about how much I have to do. Like when that midterm crept up on me yesterday, seeing as how I only found out about it two hours before I had it...which I rocked by the way =] Also, I have three exams next week. Can you say panic? PAAAAAAAAANIC. I can. I have a theatre midterm (comprehensive, of course) next Tuesday, a Political science exam next Wednesday, and a Biology exam next Thursday. So, for myself and my schoolwork, I will be staying in Hammond for the weekend. I haven't stayed up for the weekend probably since April, maybe March. I need to though. And as badly as I want to go home and see everyone and whatnot, I kind of need to stay up and study and clean and sleep and get my shit done. HOWEVER, everyone should visit me. I know this is not likely, but a girl can dream, so calm down. Anyway...

I have a rough draft of an English paper due tomorrow. It's titled "Make an Argument" and we had to go on a library database and find a good (and relevant to society) topic, preferably in the form of a question. First one I saw was "Gays in the military". WINNER. So I emailed my teacher like 25 minutes ago and asked if I could do it, since you have to get your topic approved and it would be dumb to fucking write a five page paper and have researched for hours when you can't even do it. So (hopefully) if he says yes, I already found my four sources I need. I've been in the library for about two and a half hours. I printed up four articles, altogether which use up FIFTY-THREE pages of paper. I have to read all of these pages and choose what I want to say from them, so after I get off the computer I will probably start reading and highlighting, reading and highlighting, reading and highlighting. And then I want to do my works cited and all the techinical stuff, but not write it until tomorrow. That would be too much. If my topic isn't approved, I will be beyond aggravated. Beyooooooond (, to infinity and). Some things I cannot resist.

Continuing... If I had a sense of normalcy in my life, I would say that sense of normalcy is being restored into my life. I've never been one to know (or even like the word) "normal". Seriously... who defines normal? My normal is toooootally different from yours and we both know that, so why categorize one as weird? Sorry. Minitangent. Anyway, what I would consider to be "normal" I guess is coming back. My "normal" is what makes me content, what makes me happy, what makes me...myself. Things are starting to get better, but I don't expect too much. I find that when I expect a lot, I usually get let down, so I try not to do that anymore. I've gotten pretty good at being involved without being too involved. I like being a realist. I like being "that person". So, hopefully hopefully hopefully, my "normal" has been restored.

These past two weeks have been very stressful, but very rewarding and helpful. I have learned that I can't turn in papers late anymore and I can't skip the class in which we review for the midterm. I can't skip class, period. I know I will still, but I am trying to not as much. For instance, in regards to hard work and how it NEEDS to be done in order to succeed, I wanted to go to my room and nap after class. Instead, I came to the library with the intention to blog. I, first, wanted to look up the assignment for my paper just to make sure I knew what I had to do. Then I realized it was going to be more work than I anticipated and I wasn't going to do all of it tomorrow, so I know I NEEDED to do it now, while I was motivated. You make baby tiny sacrifices, like not taking a nap, or not going home for the weekend, but I can promise you that I will clean and study this weekend. Minimal distractions. As much as I hate being stressed out, sometimes it's what I need to show me what I need to do, how to do it, and when to do it.

About 75% of this blog, thusfar has been about school. I never really talk about school that much, unless I'm venting about how I have to do homework. Blah Blah. But, it's weird. I really really really want to get on the right track and I know it will be hard and I know it will be a lot of work, but I know I have the right people to support me and the right mind to be practical about what needs to happen. I feel intelligent. I AM intelligent. A genius, if you will. A queen, if you will. I miss Chase. I miss Bryce a lot too. I talked to him on Skype today and even though I can't see him since doesn't have a webcam, it's really good that I talk to him frequently. He really makes me laugh and I love that. Like crying laughing. Not many people can make me do that on a minute basis and then the next night have a deep life conversation with me. I didn't mean to get all sappy or anything, but, fuck, he IS my husband, and I AM allowed to miss him a lot, which I do. But he makes me happy no matter where he is. Love you, hubby.

I feel so much better after blogging. Much more confident about school I guess. I feel like I've been writing for a while. Cross your fingers and say a prayer that my topic is approved. Thanks for listening. Until next time lovers...

xoxo DannDann

The Second Coming

You would think Jesus Christ himself showed up with the way people are/were acting. I laugh in the face of seriousness. If that's how people act over Jesus...then sign me up to be an athiest. Just saying.

This weekend is going well so far, overall. This week was rough. I have B's in all my classes except theatre, in which I have a D. I don't know what the fuck that is about. Don't ask questions. I need to bring that up to at least a C and the rest up to A's if I'm even THINKING about getting my scholarship together again. Hmmm I don't know about school right now. I'm doing my shit finally, but it's hard. Waah Waah, I know. I dropped Math. There was no fucking way that shit would've worked out. I need to do a bunch of shit for English for Monday. I guess that means no nap or lunch when I get back on Monday. Oh well. Do what you have to do.

Watcha Say by Jason Derulo. I'm in love. It's a remix of Hide and Seek. So good. Immaculate, even. We're going out tonight for Amelia's 18th birthday. I'm really excited. I hope it's a rousing game of cardles. I bought a new bra today and my tits look huge. Can't wait for you all to see them. It's fiyaaaaaa. Well, keeping it short and sweet, so all for now.

Say your prayers, sinners. Or else Jesus will get you, too.

xoxo DannDann

Epic.

I haven't blogged in a long time. Like legit blogged. I'm back up at school. I'm really glad about that. Here's a review of my summer...I didn't think that this summer would be as good as the last summer. Summer 08 was pretty impecable. I'm not gonna lie, I dont think anything can outshine last summer. It was amazing. Summer 08 - I found my best friends. I found the people who get me. Summer 09 - Everything was put to the test. I feel like there was a lot of shit this summer. There was a lot of fighting. There was a lot of true colors. There were a lot of lessons learned. There was a lot of Grease. Grease was the enjoyable part of the summer. It made me realize how much I miss theatre and why I love it as much as I do. I worked. I played. I laughed. I cried. I made so many new friends. Overall - this summer was worth the shit, the drama, the energy. This summer definitely made me realize a lot of things.

As well as you think you know people, there is always a chance that you will be wrong about them. You can know them in and out and they can know you better than you know yourself...and it can all be wrong. You may think you have it all figured out... but you never will. Coming to terms with that is so hard for me. Just when it's all perfect and everything's back in place and you have what you need... and then you find our that its not what you thought it would be at all. It's all a game. It's all a joke. Once I got back to school, I realized how much growing up I had done, how much growing up I have to do, and how I'm ready for it. I learned a lot this summer. I learned that I need to pick my battles more wisely. I learned that I need to get over some things. I learned that I won't always drive the car I want to drive, that the only car I drive is mine and that if I'm too busy trying to drive someone else's car that my car will always be parked and I'll never go in or out or up or down, I'll just stay still. I learned that the thing that I quite possibly miss the most, moreso than anything I have ever missed, might just have to be let go. Things happen the way they do for a reason. And I know it happened the way it did, because that's how it needed to happen. I'm better without her and she's better without me. I miss what we used to be like. But I can't miss someone who isn't the same person I became best friends with. There will always be a place for some people in your heart, no matter how much you try to fight it or push it away, you will always think about them and what you had, and they will always be a part of who you were... who you are.

Growing up is scary as hell. Growing up is paying your own cell phone bill. Growing up is getting insurance benefits from work. Growing up is reading the newspaper while you drink your coffee. Growing up is realizing that you're out of high school and realizing that you hate the actions of the people who still act like they're in high school. Growing up is making your bed without having someone tell you to do it. Growing up is meeting deadlines. Growing up is not about talking to all seventeen million of your best friends every night because you don't want to lose them. Growing up is about knowing who will be there no matter how often you talk or see each other. Growing up is not always being able to watch your favorite show or hear your song because you don't only have to be considerate of yourself. Growing up is listening. Growing up is appreciating your friends, because you will realize how few true friends you have. Growing up is learning what's important. Growing up is taking responsibility. Growing up is not going out every night. Growing up is quitting your vices. Growing up is being yourself and always maintaining who you are. Growing up is scary as hell.

I watched Crash a couple of nights ago. It's one of the best movies I've ever seen. It's so crazy how so many people can be intertwined like that. One of my new favorite quotes is from this movie. "Sometimes we miss that touch so much that we crash into people just to feel something." I didn't really think that was true the first time I heard it...but I really think it is whenever I reflect on it. Sometimes you just fight to know that the other person cares, that they want to keep you as badly as you want to keep them. Sometimes you kiss someone to remind them of how much they love you. Or maybe you just squeeze their hand "accidentally" when you hold it. You might slap someone to let them know they're dumb. You might just hold on and never let go and just hug them for what feels like forever because you know that even though you didn't want to...you feel like you can't let go because you realize how much you love them and how much that hug means and how much you feel for them and how much you have to be there (whether you think you want to be or not). And those few people who will hug back for as long as it takes, or who kiss you, or who squeeze your hand on purpose...those are the people you learn that you need to keep. Those are the ones you can't live without. Those are the ones who make or break you...who share experiences with you that will turn you into who you are.

I forgot how much I love BARE. Don't think I'm talking about the BARE that everyone knows. I'm talking about BARE when it first became BARE, with Michael Arden and John Hill. When they didn't have an official cast recording, when the cast recording is with the original people and was recorded during the show and not in a studio. Ghetto as hell, but so much better than the one that everyone obsesses over. Honestly, the voices on the current cast of BARE don't impress me that much. They're good and everything, but I fell in love with the original. I'm not anti-New BARE, I'm just pro-Original BARE. The lyrics are a little different, but the original cast is just so much better. Try and find it and listen to it if you can. Fuck, it's so good.

This is that blog I've been talking about writing. I wrote it forever ago and wanted to add more, but I realize it's just perfect the way it is. It's good. So here's my big blog whether you read it or not, fuckers. I liked it. It help me get out a lot. It took me over a month (holy shit. I just looked at the date I started it. August 19. Goddamn!) to write it. But here it is. I hope you read it. Just saying.

xoxo DannDann

Not anymore

If it weren't for Jason Robert Brown, cigarettes, and my friends...there's no way I would have gotten through these past two weeks.

My life has become unbearably complicated.

You have become insanely important to me.

You have made me laugh more than I ever thought you would.

You have been there for me every second of every day and I'm so grateful for you.

You made me realize how funny it is that we always used to argue and now all we can do is be the same person and you made me value late night trips to the market.

You made me worry, for the first time in a really long time.

You made me hopeful. Well...not anymore...

xoxo DannDann