What an experience...

So many ups and so many downs through this past month have given me a lot to think about. This break was much more than I expected it to be (both good and bad). I came home being mad at some people and completely content with others, and now everything is all mixed up again.

Things that were unexpected this break that I am greatful for:
1. a new camera
2. getting closer to Bryce
3. talking to Hannah more than I have EVER
4. CoreWhores
5. getting closer to my sister

Things that were unexpected this break that I am aggravated with:
1. my mother [not so unexpected]
2. New Years Eve Eve and New Years Eve
3. not seeing Kaylen
4. Bryce's last night getting fucked up [even though we made it good in the end]
5. car accidents

A lot of drama has gone down in the past month. I don't want to deal with it. It really is too much. It's not something I have to deal with it. I know I put myself in the position to get invovled because I care too much about everything and everyone, however there is a line, and that line has undoubtedly been crossed. People fuck up. I fuck up. You fuck up. We all scream for ice cream. But sometimes there is no reason, no explanation, and any "sorry" that is said is usually not meant. Or it is meant, but it is not meant as in "Sorry I did it" because it's usually more of a "Sorry you got aggravated". Big difference. I know I have written about tolerating everyone's shit before, but I really just don't want to do it anymore. It has just gotten to be too much.

I have met a few new people over break. But more importantly, my relationships with the majority of my friends have changed within these four short weeks. Most of these changes I am pleasantly happy with. I am closer to Hannah than I have ever been and I love that. So much more than I could adequately explain. I became closer with Bryce than I thought I would [as I mentioned earlier]. I'm not saying we are best friends or anything, but I love how much fun I have with him. We get along very well and I love that he and I are friends. The Ronald and Kimberly relationship grows stronger everyday which I am never surprised with, but still love nonetheless. Two groups don't really exist anymore and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. But one was formed and one remains in excellent condition. I couldn't be happier with both of those groups. I haven't talked to Blythe in a while which really does make me sad. I miss her a lot. I really love how much me and Casi have talked over this break. We used to talk a lot and over the summer and a few months after we barely talked because we were so busy and now I love that this break has brought us closer again. That's all I think I want to say about my relationships and how they have changed.

I'm excited to go back to Hammond and escape the claws of my overbearing mother. I'm getting a new roommate because Kaylen got kicked out of dorms and I'm really worried I'm going to get a roommate that I will hate. Absolutely hate. I'm not sure though. I'm trying to be open minded. Oh well. Also, I found out I lost my scholarship for the Spring semester. I don't know how I can get it back but I'm going to try. I also need a job to pay off two car accidents and five months of cell phone bills. We shall see how this goes. This semester will be one hell of a ride. So I guess I better get my helmet ready and buckle up...

xoxo DannDann

Urban dictionary. loveit

1) Your name?
Dani - A person with lots of layers of goodness, like an onion without the crying and the smell.
"That girls a real dani."

2) Your age?
Eighteen - The day your life officially ends. [hahahahah!]

3) One of your friends?
Kaleb - Derived from the word God. Also a phrase for the hottest person alive to ever step foot on earth and any other planets he has been on. Mars, Jupiter, Urnaus, and Saturn. Common name for a black man that has mass skills. When girls talk about who is hot and they dont want some boy to here they will substitute their name with Kaleb.

5) Favorite 3 colors?
Pink - slang reference to the vagina.
Teal - A Green-like hue. Mix between Light blue and green. Designed specifically as die for automotive paint used on Chevrolet Cavaliers from 1988-1996. Also a popular tint for material used in the manufacturing of fanny-packs. Later popularized by the Philadelphia Eagles, whose primary fanbase consists of Cavelier driving fanny-pack wearers.
Silver - It's all good; everything is all good.

6) Birthplace?
New Orleans - One of the best fucking cities in the usa.A great place to party.Also known as home of Mardi Gras and Jazz.If you have anything bad to say about the N.O then fuck off.

7) Month of your birth?
June - The month the hottest people in the world are born

8) Last person you talked to?
Cameron - (n.) A man-whore, whose only interest in girls is that they "be at least SOMEWHAT pretty." & have tits. (adj.) To describe a small penis. [bahahahhahahaha!]

9)Favorite Animal?
Zebra - TWENTY-FIVE sizes larger than a A bra

10) One of your nicknames?
DanDan - very clumsy, can easily lose her stuff(even if it is very large objects), cannot hear what people say, likes to dance in her room randomly, like to say "ur face" insults. [mreh.]

Phahaha. Just wanted to have some funnnn.

xoxo DannDann

It's A Waiting Game, Really.

First things first - Happy birthday Matther.

Moving on...there has been far too much drama to start the year with. I really am just sick of it all. I had a really big talk with Casi last night about it. It's just extremely frustrating to see how so many people can be so selfish all at the same time. I don't know what I'm going to do, honestly. I've never been so confused with my thoughts on this situation. This has always been a situation, just never so serious. I just wish people would grow up. I guess that's all I have to say about that anymore without getting into everything.

So I told my parents about the car. For those of you who don't know this happened about 2 1/2 weeks ago, when I got in the accident. It wasn't that bad at all. It could have been much much worse. As of right now, I can't drive. Duh. And I don't have my phone. I don't know when I'm getting my phone back. My mom told me today that I can't go anywhere until I clean and I'm hoping that's all I have to do to be able to go places. I won't be able to drive for a very long time. And I think I'm okay with that. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am. I just want to be able to see Anything Goes this weekend and go to Bryce's Scavenger Hunt. I haven't seen anyone (other than an unplanned visit to EJ Land) since Bryce's house on New Years Day. Oh my. I just hope everything works out.

I'm completely ready to go back to Hammond. As much as I write about how I love my New Orleans friends and I miss them and I want to hang out with them before I leave, I just really want to leave. I want to go back to Hammond. I like it there a lot. Even though one of my closest friends won't be at school anymore, I know I will still be happy there. I want to get back in school mode, with a schedule, knowing that I can see whoever I want whenever I want. 8 more days and I'm there. I'm thrilled!

I guess I should clean today, or tomorrow I guess, while the parents are at work. I finally hooked up the tv in my room and put away all my shit from school...which was probably dumb since I have to repack everything in a week. But hey, if it means enjoying this last week more, then I'm for it. I've been terribly bored lately. All I've done is play the Sims and watch movies. This is probably due to the fact that I've been under some form of house arrest, but still, I get lonely. I want someone to call me or visit me or whatever. Just because I don't have my phone, doesn't mean I want you to forget about me. :[

xoxo DannDann

Happy New Year, right?

I need to stop giving people so many chances. That's bold. That's true. I let everyone else drive the metaphorical car that belongs to my life and I always sit in the passenger seat. I let them control the music, the air, the lights, the windshield wipers, everything. I need to drive it myself and only let people ride with me when I want to. As much as I love having those "passengers" - those passengers either end up being backseat drivers or passenger seat drivers...and I let them be. Maybe I just need to get in that car and drive around by myself...just drive to nowhere. No, drive to a boat launch, but one really far away.



Maybe I need to not drive for a while. Maybe I should just stay where I am every once in a while. As much as I love that drive and those passengers, I need to know how to be happy when I'm not driving. I always need to be driving that car. I always need to be in that car. I always need to be with those passengers. I forgot how to live my life with no passengers, no ride, no car.



That's one of my New Year's resoultions - forget about the car. Forget about the accomodations. And remember how to be happy without them.



xoxo DannDann

EXCITEMENT AAAAAAAAAAH!

wannadanta4sho: KALEB!
wannadanta4sho: HELLO!
wannadanta4sho: gdwyebfjcnudsifhnewiun IM SO EXCITED FOR TONIGHT
wannadanta4sho: WAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUH
wannadanta4sho: ive been cleaning all day
wannadanta4sho: let me tell you about it
wannadanta4sho: since youre not responding
wannadanta4sho: i will tell you anyway, no bother
wannadanta4sho: so i was supposed to clean my room today
wannadanta4sho: and low and behold, i end up cleaning, but i clean everything BUT my room
wannadanta4sho: i clean the den
wannadanta4sho: the kicthen
wannadanta4sho: the downstairs bathroom
wannadanta4sho: the upstaird bathroom
wannadanta4sho: the extra bedroom
wannadanta4sho: even my PARENTS bedroom
wannadanta4sho: i made their bed, folded their clothes, ORGANIZED THEIR SHOES
wannadanta4sho: did their laundry
wannadanta4sho: did MY laundry
wannadanta4sho: took a shower
wannadanta4sho: painted my nails
wannadanta4sho: and now im taking a break and
wannadanta4sho: then
wannadanta4sho: im gonna go eat dinner with my madre
wannadanta4sho: and then hannahs coming over at SEVEN
wannadanta4sho: and were gonna hang out until we go to jodys LATER
wannadanta4sho: where I will get to see YOU
wannadanta4sho: WHOOOOOOHOOOOOO
wannadanta4sho: I AM SO EXCITED
wannadanta4sho: I CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF
wannadanta4sho: KALEB THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!

I have far too much energy. Tonight is going to be soooo good!

xoxo DannDann

Eighty thousand is an understatement. There are too many thoughts streaming through my head, none of which I can grab a hold of. What is this? What is any of this? What does it mean? I don't know. I keep turning a corner to find a street full of potholes and cardboard boxes in my way. When I get to the end of the block and go inside for safety, it's a place I can't trust. "That's what life is - a series of rooms. And the people you get stuck in those rooms with makes up who you are." No one ever distinguished which rooms were safe, no one ever distinguished which rooms were comfortable or awkward or empty or quiet or not the rooms you wanted.

I find myself to be overwhelmed on a daily basis with all of the things I am concerned with. I try to put them aside and forget about it. I surround myself with others to get these things off of my mind, and in the end, those things are still there. I can't get away from them. Even when I deal with them, they're still there. I second guess everything and I hate that, absolutely hate that. I almost don't know what I want anymore. And it's not even about not knowing what I want, it's about not knowing if I can have the things I want. Sometimes I just want to give up. Sometimes I just want to run. Sometimes I just want to scream. Sometimes I just want the little things that used to make me happy to return. Sometimes I just want to know how I feel about people without questioning it. Sometimes I just want you to show me who you are.

xoxo DannDann

Revolution

I'm ready to make a difference. I want to show you something you will never forget. I want to be that memory that you will always have, that person you will always remember. I want to die knowing that something was different because I was involved. I want to change things and make them better. I want to paint the town red. I want to pretty the world. I don't know what my action will be, what my change will be, what effect I will have on people, how people will remember me - I don't know, but I know I want to have one. I want to be the reason something changes. I want to make people think. I want to make a statement. I want to lead a movement. I want to be in charge. I want to start a revolution.

Dream big, Dani.

And that's exactly what I plan to do.

xoxo DannDann