Expect the unexpected

Things are very unexpected nowadays. I never thought I would be telling myself to "expect the unexpected" and have it mean something completely different than when I usually say it. That's what I have learned to do lately, to expect the unexpected. Everyone has their own life. Everyone has secrets. Everyone has something they want to keep to themselves. That's okay. It's weird though when I know something about a person and they don't know that I know it. I am that person though. I always want to confirm it with them. I need to stop doing that. Right now, there are so many things I want to talk about, but none of which I am supposed to know. It's silly. It's okay that I'm not supposed to know them, but I know them is what it boils down to. Hmm. I will just have to keep those to myself. That will be my secret...knowing everyone else's.

I loooove how I worded that. I seem to be moving way the fuck forward with people I hadn't expected to and way the fuck back with people I hadn't expected to either. I know I've fucked up recently with one person. I don't like that. While talking to that person last night, they made me realize that I really do question everything. I know I always overanalyze things and I know how everyone says that when I think, it's bad (because usually, it is). But I think too much about everything. Especially, lately. I think I have been given fair reason to doubt things but I think I've doubted things that should not have been doubted. At the same time, I think I have put too much trust in others (different people from the person I was previously talking about, just to clarify). It's difficult to tell where things will go from here.

I want to have a conversation tonight with one of my friends, but I know that if I do, it will be very very very hard for me to not be that person as I had previously stated that I am. I want to talk to them though, so we shall see how it goes. I don't know how this upcoming weekend is going to be. I'm coming home, but I think this weekend will be very different than last weekend. To tell you the truth, I think I should just stop guessing what will happen. Expect the unexpected. Fersure. But anyway, after this upcoming weekend, I think I will wait a while before I come in town again and if I come in town, I might just stay home. How lame. I'm well aware. Distance is a good thing.

I got a little bit upset with Olivia today. She was kind of being a bitch earlier and then I was like, "Well this is awkward, I'm gonna go." And that was that. It was weird. She apologized later, which I didn't expect (exactly! UNEXPECTED! What a shocker.) but I laughed. I can never be mad at her. I love it. I need to see her soon too! Oh my. I reorganized my pictures into a big "clusterfuck of memories" as Kaleb put it. Haha. Loveit. It looks good. I think I am going to reinstate someone's pictures today. I miss looking at them. They were very good memories. I want people to visit me one weekend. I think you all would love my dorm, my room, my everything. Oh! It is GRAND! I have a bathtub. Check that shit out. :]]

Well I have to research a topic for a speech I have to give on Thursday and I was supposed to be looking over it all weekend. My group meets in 12 minutes and I have yet to start looking. How silly. It will all work fine. Haha. You people need to call me, you silly silly people. Until next time, lovers...

xoxo DannDann

Does that look like a suitable sleeping space for a HUMAN?!?!?

This weekend has been one of the most interesting weekends I have had. I was so excited all week that I was coming in and that some people were actually finally excited to see me. I miss that. Some people's reactions when they saw me surprised me more than others. Matthew's. Haha. Me - "Matthew, why do you keep touching my arms?" Matthew - "I just wanna touch ya! I haven't touched ya in forever!" I loved it. It made me really really happy. :]]

Anyway...so Friday we went to Jody's. We got really drunk and I ended up talking to Casi the entire night. We cried at some point but it worked out. That hug is probably the best thing that has happened to me in the past three weeks. Well, the conversation that took place during that hug. I needed that. So much. I'm worried that it's going to change based on the company that we are in, but I'm so glad it happened. A few people who were there got high. I think it's interesting how...ah. Fuck you, Dani. Nevermind. Ha! That was stupid. Continuing, so it was fun. A lot of people puked, but not me. A lot of people have bronchitis. I don't know if I do. I didn't hook up with anyone but I drank after someone who hooked up with someone who has bronchitis. No names. Ha! Don't you FUCKING love it? I hope you screamed that.

So then me, Casi, Blythe, Rachel, Monique, and Jody went to Parrot Pete's (oh my God, deliciousssss *sung*) and had a nice little lunch. Then after that we bought oranges and went to Casi's. Oh my God, I kept leaving my shit in everyone's cars. I left my bag in Mo's car, the oranges in Jody's car, and later I left my bag in Mimi's car. How silly. So anyway, we got to Casi's and chilled. Then we went to Mo's for like 2.712 seconds and I changed, then we left for Rivertown. We got there pretty much the same time as JoJo. Our tickets were supposed to work out, but they didn't, but then we made them work out. Haha. Beautiful.

Oh fuck. Miss Saigon was soooo good. I cried for pretty much ALL of the second half of Act 2. I was so proud of my boys (Aladdin anyone?) for their work. I miss them sooo much. But, oh my God, it was so fucking good. Everyone should go see it if they can. Aaaaah. It was just sooo good. Then we went to Tebbe's and Sarah Jackson's party. That was cute. I got to see a bunch of people I didn't think I would see and it was so good to see them. I was glad we went. Then after that, me, Casi, Jody, Blythe, Matt, Kaleb, and Tyler came to my house and we watched Disney movies. Holy fuck. Little Mermaid = best. casting. ever. HAAAAAAAAAAAA! You don't even know! It was so funny. That was a really, really good group of people. And we are all going to Disney World next summer. Hahaha. Oh how I wish. But it was definitely a lot of fun. So Matt, Kaleb, and Tyler left around 3 or something and then it was just the four of us.

I started thinking (and we all know how helpful THAT can be) and got a bit upset about a couple of things. Whatever. I don't want to write about it really. Sorry if you were interested. Ha? Anyway, so I went upstairs at like 4 and then Casi came up to my room at like 4:30 and we talked for a bit. Then she went back downstairs so they could watch Hercules or something, I think. I don't know when they went to bed though. All I know is that they are upstairs all passed the fuck out in the extra bedroom. Haha. It's funny. I think I might take a picture. Loveit.

I'm really glad Casi convinced me to come in this weekend. Despite being a bit upset last night after all was done, I had a really fucking good time this weekend and I'm so glad I came here. I like where things are and I like where things are going. I like that I saw Adam Segrave and almost fucking died. I love that boy sooo much. But yes, anyway, well now I'm going back upstairs. I hope you all enjoyed my lovely writing. Haha. Stay classy.

xoxo DannDann

SuperDani and the Flying Quesadilla of Strength

Hello, lovers. I hope all is well in everyone's lives. How I feel surprises me all the time. Haha! How stupid does that sound? But it's very true. I got to talk to Kaleb the other night on the phone. I forgot to write about that. I was really glad I got to talk to him. I miss that boy o so much. So it was very refreshing to talk to him that night. I talked to Matt last night on AIM for the first time in like two weeks. I'm so glad I did. It made me really happy to talk to him again. I think things are going well...with everything, not just in regards to two people I hadn't talked to in a while.

I finally got Youtube to upload my video last night! It's completely wonderful. You ALL should watch it. haHA! That must be said with emphasis on the second ha. Good. So yes, I'm coming in Friday and I'm ridiculously excited. I haven't been home in three weeks and I think when I come home this time it will definitely be better than it was three weeks ago. How silly. Friday night I know Jody wants to get a bunch of people together. I hope that works out. As long as people are there (and I don't care if its three people or three THOUSAND people) I would love to be there. So I hope I hang out with people Friday. I would very much like to do that. :) Then Saturday is "SuperDani and the Quesadilla of Flying Strength" day. You don't even know. I'm soooo excited!!! Then hopefully Casi and I are going to see Miss Saigon on Saturday. We have tickets. I'm trying to see if I can get Jody one now as I type! I hope I can, I don't know if it's sold out yet though. Hmmm. :/

I'm putting up more pictures on my wall, I guess reinstating would be a better word, I think so... however, I could be terribly wrong. Haha. Some new ones are up though. I have Nametag, Nicco, Mia, Heather, and the Original 5 (hahaha lunch table!) up now on the wall. I have to put up Kaylen though. I know what spot she's going in. I put new pictures in frames too. :) It makes me super happy. I'm not gonna lie, I really really really like my life right now. I can't believe I got a fucking B on my History exam!!! Thank Christ for a 10 point grading scale. HA! Well, I'm off to class but I shall talk to you crazy kids soon, I hope! Lovelovelove!

xoxo DannDann

Building Bridges

Darra - "I hooked up with a boy."
Me - "Shut. The. Fuck. Up."
Darra - "We are NOT talking about this!!!"
Me - "DARRA! YOU'RE A LESBIAN!"
Darra - "I KNOW!!!"

Hahahahaha. I love it here. I really do. I'm coming home this weekend to see Miss Saigon. I'm excited. I'm expecting it to be grand. And I'm spending Saturday with Casi!!! Yay!!! I don't know what I'm doing Friday night though, hopefully hanging out with some Loyola kids. I'm down for whatever though. Not like I'm trying to make a plan through a blog. How silly. HA!

I'm very proud of myself. Extremely. Building bridges, you know? I refuse to be bitter about things. Like Jody said in the very beginning, shit happens. And it does. Things are good and then they're bad and shit happens. Whether it starts back up again or whether it just ends badly, shit happens. I want to believe that one day sometime soon I can look back on memories with those people and say, "Remember that time that we..." and laugh about it. Not saying we have to be best friends, or even friends anymore, but what I had with certain people was really really great and if they don't want it anymore, I can't make them. I'm not bitter though, not anymore. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Hopefully everything can be civil with those who have ended friendships with me recently. It was good while it lasted, it really was, and for that I am grateful. I have a lot of good memories with them and that's what I choose to focus on. Yay for me. I am very proud of myself for my outlook.

I like the way my life is going now. This weekend was very lazy. I was in my dorm all weekend in my PJ pants and my stolen Brother Martin sweatshirt. It is my most comfortable (I wanted to say comfiest, but it just looks weird) combination. Secret - I love wearing that sweatshirt because everytime I wear it I think of Godspell (since I stole it during Godspell along with everyone else. Hahahaha!) and I remember that it was the time I was the happiest with my life. I think that's why that sweatshirt is so comfortable. :] Anyway, I sat in the rain for nearly two hours on Saturday. Not played in, sat in. I was so cold but I had some thinking to do and it really helped me. I called Jody Saturday and it was the first time I had talked to him in a while. It made me happy though. I miss him. Oh! I miss Blythie soooooo much! I hope I can see both of them next weekend when I see Casi. Hope hope hope! Jody I know you will read this, but I planned on telling you anyway. Haha. You are mentioned a couple of times in this blog now that I think about it. Silly JoJo.

Last night I went to the wine party for Kelly's birthday. It was so much fun. I met this girl Michelle. She's hilarious. I've never laughed so much with someone who I had just met. I'm glad I know her now. She has the best speaking voice I have ever heard, similar to Michael Lynn but it sounds like she has a sinus infection. Haha. Love it. It makes me smile. Then I had a really deep conversation with Dana on the 3rd floor balcony for like an hour and a half. Then an ambulance pulled up to the building next to our dorm so we sped downstairs and went outside to meet up with our friends who were already there. We went by the room that the strecther went to and there was like a trail of blood outside of these two doors. SKETCHYYYY! It was a killer time though. Then me, Cassie, and Darra went back to Darra's room and I helped Darra with her paper and we had another deep conversation for like an hour. It was perfect. I'm pretty sure my 11:11 wish came true.

It makes me happy that I'm happy, that I'm okay, that I'm me. I like it that way. I really can't find words at the moment to adequately express how happy it makes me that I'm doing okay. I'm a lot better. Everything seems clearer, like it will work out. These past two weeks have been really rough but I know I'm making it out alive. It makes me happy. I'm glad I can say that now. Love me or hate me...I'm happy. :]

xoxo DannDann

That Girl Who I Am Going To Fuck...During Christmas...Or Every Time I See Her

I walked into my History class about 30 seconds late. The first and only thing I see on the table in front of me is a piece of paper that says "Pick four of the following eight for short answers and pick one of the three given topics for an essay". About how it should have been an OBJECTIVE test! Dani, this is not high school, get real. I'm just praying I got at least a C. Praying.

I really am surprised with myself. Before last night I forgot how good I was at writing about something other than my life. Like I know I always write exactly the way I mean to and I know what I can say to make people think and I know that I can write lines that just make you wonder how the fuck I do it, I know. I just forget sometimes. Two of my friends are paying me to write their papers on life experience. Grand. I did that last night. They had to be about culture. Dana's was about New Orleans culture, Darra's was about gay culture. I figure that I'm a hag from New Orleans, this would be good. Oh my God, the shit I wrote...beautiful. Darra's roommate (from NOLA) read Dana's paper and cried. SHE. CRIED. Oh my God I am so fucking proud of myself. You all need to read that paper. It's so amazing. All I could do was smile the entire time I read it, all four times. Hahaha.

So everyone went out last night but I didn't. I kind of wanted to but I'm glad I didn't. Last night I was in no state to drink. Tired and frustrated. It would have been horrible. Haha? I talked to Cameron for a good hour. He made me cry from what he was saying, not like I wasn't crying already. You know why I love us? Because in the middle of tears rolling down my face and in the middle of him telling me exactly what I needed to hear...he stuttered. It was horribly noticable. I just started fucking busting out laughing and he was like, "What?" and I was like, "You stuttered." and then he was laughing at the fact that I was laughing at his stuttering while I was crying and it was just so perfect. It was so completely perfect. It was so completely us.

Me - "The difference between yall and them is that yall could re-explain me...to...me...they can't."
Cameron - "Dani, I could write a fucking book on you. Actually I am, it's with the editors."
Me - "Can you title it 'That Girl Who I Am Going To Fuck'?"
Cameron - *continuing the title* "...During Christmas"
Me - *continuing the title* "...Or Every Time I See Her"

Oh my God I love us. Go Down Moses was in my head on the way to the library today. I told myself I was going to mention that when I wrote. WHOA! I totally forgot I was writing this and took like a random 20 minute break from writing. I threw myself off. How silly. Haha. So I think things are going okay. I guess they are the best they've been lately? I think so. PS- the sticky tack of the one that I was debating...I'm taking it down today. It may mean nothing to the rest of you, but it means a whole hell of a lot to me. With that said, I'm off to lunch. Have a splendid day!

xoxo DannDann

HERCULEEEES! MY MAN!

I should've taken my pain medicine today. I had to do stairs. Not good. No sir. Every time in the past two days that I have talked to Casi I have realized how much I love to sing. I've been trying to help her pick songs for her theatre group and we were going through some yesterday (Children of God? NO!) and I started singing all the songs that Flo gave me when I still took voice with her. I miss those songs. I miss Chorale sooo much. I miss competition singing and perfecting the fuck out of our songs. People don't know what good sounds like here. Ha. That sounds really stupid, but its so true. Seriously...if you are a singer, you know what good is. If you're not a singer, your expectations (word choice? STANDARDS...perfect) for good are probably not as high as ours. I make singers sound conceited I guess. It's true. You know.

I can't wait for Wednesday. I'm redoing my hair before I come down. I'm not coming to NOLA this weekend, but next weekend I am. I think I'm gonna see Saigon, I gotta figure out who all can go with me (or who wants to. HA!) before I decide. It will have been three weeks since I been home...not bad. I like it. Minus fracturing my ankle, staying here last weekend was pretty good, especially with the timing. Gah! So I need an idea for decorating. I don't just want to keep putting up pictures. Well I do actually, I need to put more up and I need to decide if I'm keeping that one section of sticky tack up. I think I might take it down today or tomorrow. That kind of sucks. But I kind of think I should take it down. It's a hairflip. Haha. I've never written that before. I've said it a lot recently, but I haven't written it. It made me giggle.

But yeah, so I get to redo my hair Wednesday. Same colors. I like it and I hope you do (if you see me) as well. Everyone's going out tonight for Tim's birthday. EVERYONE. Not me though. A) because of my ankle and B) I have a HUGE ASS history test tomorrow. I haven't started studying. And I'm not even nervous about the objective part, I'm nervous about the essay part. I'm sure I will do fine. I have a meeting in two weeks with my academic advisor...I have to plan the next four years of my life. Scary, much? Duh. I don't even want to think about it. TOPIC CHANGE. I might watch Rent tonight before/after I study. I'm going to study. I have to. But I was going to watch it last night. It would have been a disaster. If I would've watched Rent, I would have drank with Kaylen. She told me we should drink last night and I agreed. Then I realized that I had only said that because I was upset so then I ended up not drinking because I promised myself I wouldn't drink when I was upset. I was proud of myself. Yay responsible.

My leg hurts. I think after I finish this, I'm going to get dinner to go. I don't feel like eating in the cafeteria by myself. I would much rather get food and eat it in my room and listen to my music than be in the cafeteria alone and listening to people have lame conversation around me about Star Wars or how New Orleans should not have been rebuilt (lame, I know. Trust. Me.) or the Iliad. I go to school with some stupid people. But I go to school with some pretty chill people too. I'm really glad that I bought that picture frame that I put the pictures of me, Dana, and Kaylen in. We are always together. I love it. There is absolutely no bullshit with them. It makes me happy. They're some cool kids. I don't think we should give ourselves a name though, we all want to, but I told them we can't have a group name. I have bad history with that. Haha. That sounds bitter. It wasn't meant to be, it was just fact. No one get their panties in a twist please. Thanks. Hahahahahaha. Well, now that this is all awkward I shall depart. Hahaha. All for now.

xoxo DannDann

:]]

I feel like it's about that time I blog again. I blog a lot. I like it. So about how my ankle got me a 5 day bogus extension on a paper that I had to write. And let me tell you, that paper is AMAZING. I will get to that momentarily. My life...has not been to interesting lately. I was trying to figure out what I was going to write after that elipsis and I cocked my head to the side and realized I don't want to complain about anything. Wow. I'm smiling. It's strange. I keep laughing as well because the guy on the computer next to me printed out a huge picture of a guy with an electrical outlet for a head. It is very amusing indeed. Hahahahahahaha! Too bad I can't laugh out loud in the library.

But, really. I can't say anything I haven't already said. When I focus on this one thing, it gets me down, but when I think about my life in general...it's...good. Whoa. Shut the fuck up, I wish you could all see my faces. I think maybe getting away with the paper spurred all of this. Hello positive outlook on life...there may be some things I can't do or have absolutely no control over, but for every thing I can't do there are ten thousand things that I can do or that I can control or that are in my favor. Wow. Stop it! This is ridiculous. Maybe with certain relationship, the good doesn't outweigh (definitely just corrected myself from spelling outWAY...wow Dani) the bad, but in my life...there is so much good that I should be focusing on. Shit.

Like I'm really surprised with myself. I hope I'm actually right this time. Haha. My paper...so I was supposed to write my paper Thursday night or Friday morning. Thursday night was out. So I woke up Friday morning to do it and knew it was not gonna happen. *In Jamie Schreiffer voice* Oh ah-ah! Hahahaha. So then Saturday I was gonna write it and email it to him and have it be late. Then I fell on Saturday so that didn't work. Then I was gonna do it Sunday but my mother was with me and she would ask what I was typing and I was not about to say "that paper for History that was due Friday" so then I was going to write it Monday. Monday was a day of sleep. Then I was going to write it Tuesday. Tuesday I was hanging out with Olivia and Nametag and Dana and Kaylen. Tuesday - no no. Wednesday morning at 6:30? Of course. I had class at 9. Haha. So I wrote it from 6:40 to 7:30 in the morning and then emailed it to my professor. My excuse for the lateness was that "my mom brought me home so that she could take care of me but we left my computer at school, so I got internet from my house but I didn't have my computer, which had the paper on it, so I couldn't send it to my professor" HA! This was not the case as I had just previously explained.

I'm walking my classes today. My ankle hurts when I walk...go figure, it's fractured. But then again, when I'm not walking it doesn't hurt as much...there's the positive Dani I've been missing. Oh my God. I'm a creeper. Haha. Or a "freaker" as Olivia says. You wanna know what is intimidating? Me and Olivia. If you ever thought being around the Star over the summer was intimidating, you've never been with just me and Olivia. It. Is. Ridiculous. I love it. Haha. Dinner was so much fun with her, Kaylen, and Dana yesterday. They both stared at us the whole time and they were like "Damn" and we were like *question mark* and they were like "It's hard to keep up with yall" We laughed because we know it's true. Haha. It is.

I like being positive. Yeah it was okay to be sad for a while and all and it's okay to make the effort to try and make things okay, but still, I like being happy. I like being positive. I like being me. Secret of the day - I like that being me is what I'm best at. :]]

xoxo DannDann