Danielle vs. Dani vs. DanDan

So I love winning. I make prettymuch everything in my life a matter of losing or winning. I feel like this is bad, but if it really bothered me that much, then I wouldn't think of things that way anymore and clearly I am not that concerned. So I won. This whole "being grounded, no phone, no keys" thing. Yeah, that ended right quick. I like being good with words. I believe this will get me very far in life. I know how to work people really well. I know how to make the best out of what I have. This is good. I won. It makes me happy.

On to other things. So I thought a lot yesterday about how boisterous I am. I have few limits with what I don't do or what I don't allow to be done. I like that there is one Dani. Well I mean there's two, once you get really close to me and I trust you and let you get to know the deeper side of me, but that's how everyone is. The way I'm not like everyone, however, is that I'm not the "Well, I'm quiet if I don't know you" kind of person. I'm not shy and modest when you first meet me, I'm not trying to win you over by being polite or being "normal". I love that I am a "what you see is what you get" kind of person. You know from day one how I am.

However, there is a downside to this. I do realize that I am a very over the top person and that I am a lot to take in at once and that it does take time to get used to me. I feel like I've been really annoying lately, especially to Tyler. And I know he has not told me this but, I don't know. I feel like I try to protect him too much. Whatever, we shall not get into specific relationships that I have with everyone. Anyway, I just feel like things I do really turn people away, and no one has really said this and I guess everyone just kind of knows (and hopefully loves) me being me is going to be a lot different than your average person. I don't know. Lately, I've just felt like DanDan is too much. I think there are different levels to me...

There's Danielle. You don't know her unless you're significantly close to me. There's Dani which everyone knows. She's the every day Dani. Then there's DanDan. She's a crazy bitch, especially when she's drunk. I feel like in the past couple of weeks, I have been more DanDan than Dani and I don't know if I like that. I don't even know if anyone knows what I'm talking about or if you think there is a difference or not. I just don't want people to step away from me right before I leave for school. 8 days. Not a lot of time. It worries me.

Pajama Game is going sooooooooooo much better than it was before. Come see it! August 7, 8, 9, 10 at St. Francis Xavier (on Metairie Road). General admission is $8. August 7-9 (Thursday-Sunday) @ 7:30 pm, August 10 (Sunday) @ 2:30 pm. Be there! I think it has definitely come a long way. I am going to miss the fuck out of my theatre friends. Hmm...okay I think I have said all I need to say. All for now, lovers.

xoxo DannDann

FUCK YOU

Why does everyone in my family decide to be such douchebags as my time at home dwindles. You would think they would want me to be happy in the fucking NINE days I have left. You would think they would let me break curfew for my last week and a half. You would think I would not get grounded for a week TWO DAYS before my fucking show opens.

Really? My car keys? Really? My phone? Please, I love it when you all are such assholes. My sister... don't even fucking get me started. Stop trying to get back in my life. You are a stupid and selfish bitch. I can honestly wake up some days and say that I hate you and mean it. You don't care about anyone but yourself, your boyfriend, and your stupid bitch of a best friend. You make bad choices. You are immature. You are fake. You are annoying. You don't deserve to be happy. You don't have the guts to do anything. You are stubborn. You are whiny. You are a bitch. I don't like you and half the time I don't love you either. I wish you were not home for the summer. All you do is fucking bitch and complain all the goddamn time. You're ruining my last summer before college and I fucking hate it.

My mother - If you could not yell at me for one fucking day I would really appreciate it. I know we have a lot of family concerns right now, none of which invovle me directly to YOU. I know your emotions are out of check because of all the shit you're going through. But you have NO right to yell at me when I actually help out a lot. I fucking HATE that you yell at me and not her when she doesn't do jack shit. I hate being nice to you and understanding you because I get yelled at. I hate trying and being the one who gets punished. You NEVER say anything to Michelle because you don't fucking know how to fight her. Deal with it. Fucking. Deal. With. It. You are her fucking mother. Learn how to win an argument for Christ's sake. Don't take it out on me because you don't know what the fuck to do. I help. I try. I am useful. Try yelling at the people who fuck everything up instead of the few who really get you and care about you.

Oh and please "ground" me for SEVEN OF THE LAST NINE DAYS I'M HERE. PLEASE. Are you fucking kidding me? I called you and I fucking told you what I was doing. Keeping me locked in my house for pretty much my last week of summer is going to do nothing but make me HATE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU. I can't believe you. Of all the fucking times I've been there for you and of all the times I've listened to you cry and of all the times I've sympathized with you, you do this shit to me? THIS? What a fucking bitch. I cannot believe you at all. Do you realize how unfair that is to me?

You don't do theatre. You don't like that I do theatre. You don't like that everyone in our fucking house does theatre and you don't. You don't understand what it is for me. It. Is. In. My. Blood. These people are my family. You, you are not. You are not at all. They make me happy. They make me feel like I belong. They make me not want to ever leave them. They make me wish I lived at rehearsal. They are my family. I can't NOT be with them. And two days before my show opens, TWO FUCKING DAYS, you tell me I can't do anything for a week. FUCK YOU. FUCK. YOU. I am leaving two of my very best friends in nine days and you're going to fucking hold me back for seven of them? No. Fuck you. Fuck that. You don't get it. Take my keys, I don't care. Take my phone, I'm pissed. Take my friends, you've crossed a line. Take my computer, take my internet, take all my sources to the outside world, but when you take my friends, you take everything that matters. Especially now.

What the fuck do you want me to do when I come in town? VISIT? What do you want me to do when I'm at college? CALL YOU? Yeah, keep pulling shit like this before I leave and fucking let me know how THAT works out for you. Fuck you.

Two weeks.

Holy fuck. I just realized that I'm leaving for school in two weeks. How the fuck did this creep up on me? Six of my seven best friends and my two other closest friends, none of them will be with me. I will have Olivia. Period. I'm leaving Tyler, Hannah, Blythe, Casi, Cameron, Matthew, Jody, and Kaleb. Really? What is happening?

I started thinking about what I truly thought about my best friends tonight. It's not like I realized that I hate them or anything, but just how I feel about them right now. How much I miss them and how it reminds me how much I hate being busy since I never get to talk to them anymore. I just figure I will write little messages to each of them.

Tyler - Even though I see you every damn day, I miss you. I miss talking to you on the phone. I hate that the only time I get to talk to you is at rehearsal. Granted, it's every day, but it's not the way it used to be. I love you. So much. I just want to spend as much time with you as I can before I leave and I don't think you realize how soon I will be gone. I hope you do soon.

Hannah - I'm still surprised you kicked us out but I got over it real quick. I love you. I feel like things have been awkward since that night at your apartment with the diamond of BOGs. I think we're all getting back to being chill though. I don't want to leave you. We've had some fucking crazy nights. I don't want to leave those. No ma'am.

Blythe - Where the fuck have you been? I miss you soooo much. You probably won't even read this. I miss my Blythie McQuiznos. I love that we used to talk all the time. I never told you how much I enjoyed hanging out with you the other day when we went to Subway and Aida. I really miss talking to you all the time and I miss being Blythie and DanDan. I don't want to leave you at all.

Casi - Oh my God. I can't remember the last time I talked to you and I don't like that at all. I miss you sooo much. I want to talk to you every night again. I can't explain to you how much you mean to me, but you mean a lot. More than I could probably ever think of adequate words for. I need to see you soon. I have no idea how I will survive college without you. Damn.

Cameron - You have fallen off the face of the earth. I feel like I am almost mad at you. You're going to be the farthest away from me and you don't even try to talk to me anymore. I really miss what our friendship used to be but I feel like you've completely forgotten about me and about how much I care about you. I just wish you would take 5 minutes out of your week just to call and say hey or something. I really miss you and I don't know how to get back to where we were.

Matthew - Shit. We have been through so much this summer and I feel like I've never been closer to you than I am now. I love you so much. I think we needed to go through what we went through with each other in order to be where we are now. It only made us stronger and made us realize how important we are to each other. I almost feel like I'm closer to you than I realized until I started to write this paragraph. There's a lot that I've told you that I haven't told anyone else. I love you. I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I'm so afraid that I will be sobbing every night because you won't be there to cuddle with me. Ha.

Jody - I've gotten so much closer to you than I ever expected. I love it. I really trust you and I'm going to miss you a whole helluva lot. I have to come visit you (along with Casi and Blythe) at Loyola. I feel like my days are incomplete if I don't talk to you on AIM or ask you questions that no one would ever ask. I like that you have become a part of my daily routine, so to speak. I'm really glad that you've opened up to me. I will indeed miss your hair flips. Haha.

Kaleb - Oh my little Asian boy. I love you so much. We are a lot closer than either of us thought we would be. We talked about this in your car today. You never fail to make me laugh. I love spending time with you and hate it all at the same time. I love it because you're amazing and slowly but surely, you have become one of my closest friends. I hate it because I always think about how little time I have left with you. What will I do without your eatable cuteness? DIE. That's what I will do.

I'm so worried that I will not be able to stay as close to people. That's my big worry. I'm not worried about being homesick, or meeting new people, or living with someone I don't know, or classes, or homework, or learning the campus...I'm worried about losing the relationships I have with the people I leave. I'm not even worried about leaving everyone. I'm worried about maintaining the relationships I leave. I miss everyone already just sitting here typing this. If you ever start to think I'm forgetting about you, let me know. Call me. Text me. Facebook me. Do something. I don't want to leave. I've seen half of my closest friends for about every day of the past two months. I don't know what I will do when I barely see them at all. I'm scared as fuck. I just don't want to lose what I have with everyone. I don't want to lose the relationships with the loves of my life. I don't want to leave these people. Can we just pause time for a little please? I just want to be able to enjoy these last two weeks as much as possible. That's like no fucking time. TWO WEEKS.

So this is my two weeks notice, New Orleans. I peace the fuck out in two weeks. I leave in two weeks. I quit in two weeks. So can you let me go out with the fucking biggest bang you've ever seen? Well, either way, that's my plan.

xoxo DannDann

"If you were not alive, I would eat you!"

Hello my beautiful friends. These past 48 hours have been blog-worthy. It all started with lots and lots of tears. So I was talking to Matt about the blog I had posted that night and about the part that was about him. And I was sobbing the entire time we were talking but so was he. I came to the realization that the good in Matthew is more good than the bad in the bad of Matthew...I hope that made sense because that's the only way I can really explain it. The whole stand your ground thing still applies. I needed to stay mad long enough to prove my point and I needed to show that I was serious, which I was and still am, and I needed to let him know that I should be important to him because I was before. This sounds conceited; however, if you know our friendship this would make a lot more sense I guess. I don't know. I'm just writing to write, not to ask if you understand me and Matt's complicated web of a friendship. Whatever. I need to stop getting off topic. Anyway, so I came to the conclusion that I should love the Matthew that I became friends with and not the asshole Matthew that was there for some time. So things with me and Matthew are much better.

Then I saw Aida again yesterday with Janie, Mo, and Jody. It was good. Then afterwards Janie, Mo, Jody, Ethan, and I went to Krispy Kreme. Now I will take time to express how jealous you should be if you were not there. Oh my God. Firstly, I'm really glad I got to hang out with Ethan seeing as how the last time we hung out was with Uncle Wayne while working PUPPETS. Secondly, I never knew how funny these kids were. And I know I find nearly EVERYTHING amusing, but everything they said was just hilarious and it was normal day-to-day humor for them. Shit, I wish I could be as funny as them. They are cool kids. I love it. I want to hang out with them more. I really enjoyed myself yesterday. If any of the four of you read this, well I know Jody will, so if any of the other three of you read this, then thank you for letting me hang out with you guys yesterday. I had a ridiculous amount of fun. "No, I will not take off my sweater so you can show me where my wagina is." How silly. Love it.

Then I had rehearsal which was pretty chill. I gave Matthew a hug for the first time in about two weeks. It sounds stupid, but it had been a fucking long time. Then after rehearsal Hannah, Matt, Kaleb, and I went to Taco Bell. We were leaving after we ate and we found a kitty! A KITTY! First we named her Trouser, then Twitter, then we ended up naming her Marty. I will explain. So we put her in my car after realizing that we had to save her from the streets. We went to Wal-Mart to get stuff that cats need to SURVIVE and I sat in my car with the cat. I found a Wal-Mart hand basket (the one you put vegetables in, not the metal ones with wheels) and put a towel from my trunk into the basket and put Marty (her new name since we got her temporary bed from a Wal-Mart basket) in the basket in my backseat. Then we went to Matt's house and surprised his mom with the cat asking if we could let it sleep there for the night until we had a plan the next morning. We said it was covered in lettuce and dirt and it was in a puddle and was licking hot sauce packets since it had no food....all of which were..... LIES!!! PS - In case you're a fucking IDIOT, Marty is the cat in the picture.

So Marty stayed there with me and Matt after Kaleb and Hannah left. I stayed there for a good two hours after they left. Haha. Then I went home and today Matthew texted me and said that they were giving Marty to his brother's friend. I left what I was doing and drove to his house so I could be with the fucking cat. How ridiculous. Haha. We brought her to meet Tyler since Tyler is her Fairy Godmother after all. And she had to meet Pugmuff, her husband, as well. Anyway, so then we kidnapped Tyler and he came with me, Hannah, Matt, and Marty to go to the house of the soon to be owner of Marty. And we got there and the stupid ho was like shooing us away discreetly, very nicely as well, but you could totally tell she was like, "Fuck you! It's my cat now!" and I just wanted to be like, "She will never be yours! She is OURS!" Too bad this conversation didn't happen. I would've loved it. Looooooved it. Then we went back to Matt's and hung out for a few hours and ate breakfast for dinner and then we brought Tyler home and then I picked up my sister (who was on the phone the ENTIRE way home, how annoying!) from work. Then went home.

Talked to Tyler a bit when I got home. He's really sad his show is over. Him being sad makes me sad. I wish there were something I could do to make him feel better. I think he feels relatively close to how I felt after Godspell, but I think I was much worse. Much, much, much worse. Are commas appropriate after saying much? I don't know. I don't really care that much actually. HA! Surprise. Anyway, I just want him to be happy and not so down about the show being over. It's one of those, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." And I know it JUST ended, like YESTERDAY, but I still don't like to see him sad. I just have to be there for him, you know? Why am I asking you? I'm not. I'm silly. I'm tired too.

This is what happens when you can't sleep at 4:15 AM. This blog is what happens. Tomorrow I shall go to the hospital again to visit and then go to rehearsal and do something after. Hannah is quiting the show. :( Sadness all throughout the land. I don't like it. I shall miss my other half when we are there. Alright. I'm going. For real real. Not for play play. Night lovers.

xoxo DannDann

Buy your black dress...

So if I died tomorrow what would you do? You, personally, what would you do?

I always wonder that if I died right now, in the middle of typing this word, or this one, what if I just died? What would happen? Who would go to my funeral? What would they wear? Why would they be wearing it? Would they bring flowers? How long would they stay? Would they be crying? Would they be there even if they were the only one? What would they say? Would they say anything? Would they know my middle name? Would they know my favorite color? Would they know how much I loved them? How would everyone feel? Would I have known how much I meant to them? Did they even let me know how much I meant to them at all? What would happen?

In case I do die tomorrow and you do go to my funeral, my middle name is Marion and my favorite colors are pink and teal. I want to know what I mean to people. If you hate me, I want to know why. If you love me, I want to know why. If you cherish a moment you had with me, I want to know where and when it was. If you believe I have changed your life in the smallest way, tell me. If I'm a horrible person, tell me. If I make you smile every time you think about me, tell me. What good is having feelings if you're going to keep them to yourself? Why hide how you feel...because you're scared of getting hurt? So what if you do, what if you get hurt? You get better, that's what. I hate that people don't say how they feel because they're afraid to open up to people. What is everyone so afraid of?

Well, what if this happens or what if they betray me or what if I would have said something different or what if I wouldn't have met that person? You can't live in a world of what if. You can't ask yourself what if something will or could have happened because it hasn't or it didn't. You have to live for now. Live each day as if it's your last. Don't compromise something important to you. That really makes me think about how I'm living my life. All my life I've done things for other people, to make everyone else happy, and don't get me wrong, making people happy is one of my favorite things...but sometimes I need to make myself happy first. I'm not happy. I am not a happy person. I know I always seem happy, but I'm not. I don't want to give up on a fight over something I believe is necessary just to avoid pain. If I get hurt, so the fuck what, I get back up.

I don't live with regrets. I don't want to regret my last (less than a) month of summer because I was too busy trying to make everyone else happy. After August 15th, that's it, I'm gone. I'm out of New Orleans. I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't really want to. I decide who I stay in touch with. I decide who I want to stay in touch with based on right now. RIGHT NOW. I refuse to have someone else control who those people will be. I will not be told how to act just to make everyone else comfortable. I do not like how I have come to feel about certain people but I love how I have come to feel about others. Give people chances. If they fuck up, give them another one, and if they fuck up again...then you have to decide whether or not you want to get hurt again. Pick your battles and when you decide which one you want to pick, don't give up. Life is too short to give up on what you believe in, what you want. And everyone says life is too short to hold grudges, but maybe you need to hold grudges to get the point across. Be vocal. Tell people you care. Let people in.

Tell someone something stupid. I hate all green vegetables except lettuce and string beans. Tell someone something meaningful. I love you. Mean it. Show people you care. Hug someone. Let people know that they matter. Whether or not you know it, you may be giving someone hope by telling them that you're glad you're friends with them. You may know nothing about me. I may be having the worst possible day of my life even though I'm wearing a smile that would say otherwise and maybe all I need is for you to tell me that you like my eyes or my smile, no matter how fake it may be. It can't hurt to remind someone how much you love them. I try to do that as much as possible. And when someone hurts you, let them know, before it's too late. People will get hurt. People will cry. People will want to give up and just cut everyone off. Shit happens. Lots and lots of shit happen. Just when you think you can't handle it...when you realize that someone you love is dying and one of your best friends has cancer and another one is moving halfway across the country and the person you're madly in love with could really care less about you and another one of your best friends tells you that you don't let them know that you care...but when you are ready to give up on everything possible, maybe all you need to hear is, "I love to hear you laugh."

Just remind people of how much you love them or how amazing they are. That's all I ask. Whether it be me or someone else, I don't care. Fight for what you believe in and don't be afraid to show people what you feel. Don't be afraid to get hurt. Don't be afraid to cry. Don't be afraid. I realize this is much easier said than done. I also want to say that I'm deeply sorry for any frustration or sorrow or pain I've unintentionally caused anyone, especially you, since I know you will read this and not tell me that you've read this since you think I hate you, but I just don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to debate this with you anymore. I don't hate you. I care about you more than you could possibly ever know and if I didn't, this wouldn't be so hard. I don't hate you, I just can't know that you're there for me right now because if I view you as an option, it's like I never cancelled you out in the first place and I will go back to you. I'm fighting for what I want. I want to be happy. I don't want to fall into that cycle again and I know I will if I give in. I'm sorry if it's difficult for you, just know that's it harder for me. Please just know that.

I think I'm done ranting and saying what I have to say. I haven't stopped typing to read it yet. I don't think I will. PS - I saw Aida tonight and I screamed Tyler's name during curtain call. I had tears in my eyes. I'm very proud of him. He's amazing. I let him know that tonight. I love that boy a lot more than I ever thought I would. He's very important to me. So are a lot of people. I will let you know when I see you next. I think this was very good and straight from the heart and EXTREMELY well written. Just saying. This was very relieveing. That's all for now. Good night.

xoxo DannDann

Vampires

So let me fucking tell you all about the past fourteen hours of my life....

My three good guy friends in the show (Tyler, Kaleb, Jody) - none of them were at rehearsal. I should have known from the start that this was not going be a good night. Blah Blah Blah rehearsal. Quite possibly one of the most awkward rehearsals that I've had. PS - I don't do awkward. I don't play that game. No me gusta. So it was really awkward around Matt and Darren but for two completely different reasons. Anyway, so I dealt witht that best as I could. Whatever. Then we're leaving and me and Hannah decide that we're going to Matt's house to watch a movie. Oh, but wait! So Hannah leaves and I'm about to pull out of the parking lot and Matt is like, "Hey guess what you have a flat tire." FUCK. So I called Hannah and she came back and until she got there I sat in my car and listened to [title of show] and screamed and cried. It was just not going well for me at all.

So then Hannah gets there and I was very tempted to ask her for a cigarette, but I resisted. Good decision. So I got in her car and talked to Tyler for a bit. Then I called the parents and told them what the deal was and then I got off the phone with mother and I just looked out the window and just started fucking crying. Life is just so overwhelming at the fucking worst possible times. I hate it. So then me and Hannah get to my house and we decide to go to IHOP because that would make life better. We were right. Oh my God, chocolate chip pancakes and scrambled eggs have never made me happier. Then we went back to my house. We talked to Schym on skype about...various topics...Hahaha. I love that boy. Oh! While I'm thinking about it, I want to say how proud I am of him. I really am. I can't wait to see him in Aida. He opened this morning. I left him a voice mail, two texts, and a wall post telling him to break a leg. I love him dearly. So yeah me and Hannah hung out for a while and it made me feel better and then she left and then I talked to Tyler for a bit after that. Then I went to bed at like 5.

I was woken up at 6:30. My father was going to bring me to St. Francis to call AAA and get the tire changed out before he went to work. When did we leave? 45 FUCKING MINUTES LATER, that's when! Why wake me up and tell me to get ready when I very well told you the night before that I needed three minutes to get ready? Period. GAH! So we get to St. Francis at like 7:40ish. Called AAA. I waited on the side of Metairie Road with a lugnut in my hand and Pringles in the other. So it's 7:54 (exactly) and I have nothing to do. So I just start thinking. And for those of you who know [title of show], I heard the vampire (regarding my choices, not so much my Broadway skills). I just stood there, watching the cars drive by, and all I could think of was, "Are you making the right choice? What are you doing? You could possibly be making a huge mistake. Give up."

And of course, three and a half seconds later the AAA pulls up. Fuck. And the whole time he was changing the tire all I could think of was if I was making the right choice or not. So the tire gets changed. I get in my car and I'm driving to Firestone. I put in Paramore (on shuffle, as always), who I haven't listened to in foreverrrr but I love soooo much. It made me think about everything in regards to THE situation. I feel like I'm making the wrong decision, but at the same time I feel like I'm making the right one. He just makes it so hard to not be friends with him. I don't like that he is still trying to be friends with me because acts like nothing happened, like everything is fine. Everything is CLEARLY not fine. I just...God I just want to yell at him for an hour straight. I just don't like what this turned in to and whether this is the right or wrong thing to do, I feel like I have to do it, like actually follow through with it this time because last time I didn't and I went with me heart and where the fuck did that get me? HERE. Right back to Sqaure 1, that's where. It's so goddamn frustrating.

So I got to Firestone and I was there for an hour and a half. Really? Please, next time take LONGER to change my tire. Stupid, stupid, stupid. That was a long time to think as well. I just hate that it's the only thing I can think about. I need to stop thinking about it because the more I think about, the more I question what I'm doing. But then again I don't know if I want to stop questioning what I'm doing it or whether I should question it more. I need to stop typing about this because I keep thinking about it. Stoping. Now.

I need to cash my paycheck. I need money for Aida. Sunday matinee, me and Hannah. Everyone should join us. That would be so much fun and then we could all go get food somewhere and then go to rehearsal. I'm a fucking genius. Yes I am. Oh my. Well this blog feels really fucking long. I think I will stop now, I just had to type out my life for a bit to know that if it's HERE, that it WILL get better. It has to. Die, vampire, die.

xoxo DannDann

Summer 2008, you're one crazy motherfucker.

Hmmmm where everything is now is definitely not where things were May 18, 2008. Then summer hit and everything changed. Some things that were and still are really fucking bad and other things that I could not have ever dreamt to bring me such happiness and contentment. Where to begin? Summer 2008, you've given me a whole bunch of shit to think about...

Graduation - the first official night of summer. Started off with alocohol in hand and a beautiful pair of red heels. How amazing. We all danced at The Venue and I got waaaaaasted. Then we went to Kingsley's and had some...interesting...experiences. That was a fun night. Vodka, driveways, and cheese. What a night. I'm glad that was my first night of summer. Way to start it off.

So I have changed my mind and realized that I am not going to type an event title and then give a summary like I just did with Graduation. That's too boring. I figure I will just talk about what's important now because of what happened...Star of David. Holy fuck. I had no idea I could be so close to and in check with two pepople. Oh my God, Hannah and Tyler have changed my life in ways that I never could have even expected. It took us all only a week to realize that we are best firends. I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable around pepople, I've never had so much fun around people. I'm so glad they're two of my best friends. I have no idea in hell as to where I would be without them, I don't even want to think about that. It scares the fuck out of me that I will be an hour away from them when I go to school. I know its not that far away, but I hope nothing changes. I know something will most likely change, but I just love them so much and they mean the world to me. We're intimidating. I love it.

I'm really glad Casi is staying in New Orleans as well as Blythe and Jody. This means I can see them as often as the Star. Casi - this summer I haven't seen Casi that much and we don't talk as much anymore. But she is, hands down, one of my best friends. I need to see her more. I miss her alot. Wow. Like a whooooole lot. We've had some really fucking fun times when we actually have seen each other this summer. I love her. Now, Jody - the boy with amazing hair. Haha. How silly. I'm really glad that I''ve gotten a lot closer to Jody through Cinderella and now through Pajama Game. He's a really chill kid. I hope I get closer to him before the summer ends. I trust him. He's good in my book...if I actually had a book. Blythe - what a fucking riot. We never stop laughing when we're together. I love her sooooo much. She knows so much about me. We talked a lot after prom at Hayli's house and I don't know, I feel like over the past year we've gotten a lot closer. I love that. She is such an amazing person and she's a really good friend. I'm glad we did Cinderella together. I wish she was doing Pajama Game. I really miss her.

I'm more than thrilled that Olivia is going to Southeastern with me. And Nametag!!! Oh my God I miss Nametag. I think I'm seeing her today. I've seen her ONCE this summer. Not good. But I'm really glad Olivia's coming to school with me. I don't think I could deal with seeing her less than I do now. Destin was fun. She came with me. I loooove the beach. I wish I were still there. I went to Fudpuckers! I've always wanted to go there...check mark. Oh my God! I can't believe Cameron is going to California. I don't like to think about it. We've had our ups and downs but I miss him a lot. He gets me more than I thought he would. It surprises me how well he knows me. Well it surprises me how well Hannah and Tyler know me. Olivia, Blythe, and Casi don't surprise me. You know who knows me better than I thought he would? Jody. I get so surprised when people know me better than I thought they would. I love it!!

I don't want this summer to end. It's good. It's the best one yet. I like being busy busy busy. It keeps me entertained. I like this summer being my last summer. I'm doing everything I always wanted to do during summers, well I'm doing it this summer since it's my last summer. I always wanted to do summer shows and I've just been very very very open to a lot of new people. I like it. I'm so glad I decided to do Godspell because Godspell made me want to do Cinderella and Cinderella made me want to do Pajama Game. And my life is so different than it was before Godspell. Fuck, that's where it all started. I love it. I miss it.

I miss lots of things. I think I've gotten a lot more real and a lot more open minded at the same time in the past six months. I like it. As Hannah says, "They're intimidating because they're bitchy; we're intimidating because we're real" So true, yes indeed. I love my friends. That's all I have for now. Life is good.

xoxo DannDann